by Beth Ayers, Family Support Training Coordinator

July 8, 2025

Chronic Disease Awareness Day is observed annually on July 10 and was created to increase the public’s understanding of chronic diseases and illnesses, promote advocacy for better healthcare access, and support those living with chronic illnesses and their families.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “Chronic diseases are defined broadly as conditions that last 1 year or more and require ongoing medical attention or limit activities of daily living or both. Chronic diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and diabetes are the leading causes of death and disability in the United States. They are also leading drivers of the nation's $4.5 trillion in annual health care costs. 6 in 10 Americans have at least one chronic disease, and 4 in 10 have two or more chronic diseases. Many preventable chronic diseases are caused by a short list of risk behaviors: smoking, poor nutrition, physical inactivity, and excessive alcohol use. Some groups are at higher risk of chronic diseases because of conditions where they are born, live, work, and age. These nonmedical factors, called social determinants of health, can be positive or negative. When they are negative, they limit the opportunities to make healthy choices and get good medical care. For example, some communities lack safe spaces like parks for people to be active, or grocery stores that sell fresh fruits and vegetables. In some rural areas, it's hard to get medical care because of doctor shortages, hospital closures, or long distances to care. This makes it challenging to get preventive screenings or specialist follow-up care.”

Other common chronic conditions include hypertension, high cholesterol, arthritis, obesity, depression and other mental health disorders, chronic respiratory diseases such as COPD, chronic kidney disease, chronic liver disease, Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia, and asthma. Causes of chronic disease can be genetics, lifestyle choices, and environmental factors. Other risk factors besides the previously mentioned ones of smoking, poor nutrition, physical inactivity, and excessive alcohol use include age, family history of disease, exposure to environmental toxins and pollution, chronic stress, and lack of sleep.

Mental health conditions, including depression, are often not thought of as chronic diseases or illnesses. The National Council on Aging in their article The Top 10 Most Common Chronic Conditions in Older Adults writes about depression, “15% of older adults have depression—a treatable medical condition that is not a normal part of aging. Depression causes persistent feelings of sadness, pessimism, hopelessness, fatigue, difficulty making decisions, changes in appetite, a loss of interest in activities, and more.” The article goes on to list steps that can be taken to help with depression such as managing stress through social support or meditation, eating healthy foods which can positively affect your mood, exercising for both physical and psychological benefits, and talking with professionals including a primary care doctor, therapist, or psychiatrist.

Managing the physical, mental, and emotional toll of chronic diseases can be isolating for both the individual and their family. As people in recovery and parents/caregivers of children with special healthcare needs including behavioral health, we know firsthand the feelings of frustration, isolation, despair, and hopelessness. We know the challenges of finding treatment and advocating to be heard. We know the hope in finding joy and meaning living with chronic health conditions. The following data is from West’s report titled Strengthening Chronic Care: Patient Engagement Strategies For Better Management of Chronic Conditions and resonated with me as a parent of children with behavioral health challenges and as a Family Peer Supporter:

• Approximately 1 in 5 patients feel anxious (21%) or frustrated (20%) dealing with their disease.
• 26% of patients experience physical exhaustion after being diagnosed with a chronic condition. 24% of patients feel angry upon being diagnosed with a chronic condition. 23% of patients have difficulty sleeping after receiving a chronic disease diagnosis.
• 70% of patients with a chronic condition want more resources or clarity to help manage their disease. 91% of patients say they need help managing their disease.
• 88% of patients who want assistance managing their condition say help with their treatment would make a difference in their overall state of health.

Children’s Hospital of Colorado’s online resource Parent Toolkit: Parenting a Child With a Chronic Illness begins by stating, “Parenting a child with chronic illness can be a challenge for the entire family. Emotions like anger, sadness and worry, paired with invasive medical procedures, medication side effects and disruptions to family routine, can lead to a volatile mix at home.” The resource goes on to share the importance of “good parenting” despite the child’s illness. “Amid the stress and strain of chronic illness, it’s tempting to let challenging behavior and emotional outbursts slide. But like all children, children with chronic illness do best when held to standards of behavior, appropriate discipline and consistent limits.” The article goes on to list how a parent can best support their child:

• Communicate openly
• Maintain a schedule
• Establish limits and behavioral expectations
• Use appropriate and consistent discipline
• Promote treatment adherence
• Avoid power struggles
• Take care of yourself
• Help your child cope
• Work closely with the school

Just reading the list and the accompanying “tips” for each one left me feeling overwhelmed and patronized. In trying to keep my child alive and fight everyone (hospitals, doctors, insurance companies, school administration, treatment centers, government entities) for proper services, I had little time, energy, or mental capacity left for “everyday” parenting. Yes, the above list holds with my values and are things I would have liked to be able to focus on. Well-meaning advice from articles, professionals, family and friends often left me feeling defeated, overwhelmed, and a failure as a parent. What I could have used were meals, offers to babysit my other child, grace, encouragement, coffee, and non-judgmental support. This is why I am an advocate for peer support. The writers of this article and the people in my life without children with chronic illnesses have the best of intentions and want to help but cannot offer the empathy and support that someone with lived experience can.

At the end of this article is a link to Parent Toolkit: Strategies for Maximizing your Child's Health- A toolkit for parents of children who are chronically ill with this picture:

I don’t know about other parents with chronically ill children, but my trips to the hospital did not look like this! However, I feel The Parent Toolkit’s opening paragraph does reflect my reality, “Having a child diagnosed with a chronic illness alters every aspect of a family’s life. Besides the procedures and medical appointments, the paperwork, the uncertainty, the disruption to work and school, there’s also the fact that your child is sick. That’s a hard thing to accept. Caring for a chronically ill child can feel stressful and time-consuming, and parenting decisions that used to be easy can suddenly feel very hard.”

Whether you have a chronic disease or illness or are the parent or caregiver of a child who has a chronic disease, you are not alone. There are others with similar lived experiences ready to support you. Reach out to Montana’s Peer Network or visit our website. You can also find more information at Chronic Disease Awareness Day.

Written by ChatGPT. Edited and enhanced by Beth Ayers, Peer Support Training Coordinator

May 6, 2025

Children’s Mental Health Week: Supporting Young Minds for a Healthier Future

Each year, Children’s Mental Health Week serves as a vital reminder of the importance of nurturing the emotional well-being of children and young people. Children’s Mental Health Week shines a spotlight on one of the most important yet often overlooked aspects of childhood development: mental health. Established in 2015 by the UK-based charity Place2Be, the event is now observed by schools, communities, and families around the world. Its purpose is to raise awareness, reduce stigma, promote strategies that support children’s mental health from an early age, and ensure that every child has the support they need to grow up with resilience, confidence, and emotional well-being.

Why Children’s Mental Health Matters

Children’s mental health refers to how a child thinks, feels, and behaves, as well as how they cope with stress, relate to others, and make decisions. Childhood is a critical time for mental and emotional development. The experiences and support children receive during these formative years can shape how they develop socially, build relationships, and navigate life’s challenges. According to the World Health Organization, one in seven 10–19-year-olds experiences a mental disorder. Conditions such as anxiety, depression, and behavioral issues can significantly impact academic performance, social interaction, and overall quality of life.

Importantly, many mental health issues that emerge in adolescence have roots in earlier childhood. Studies show that 50% of all mental health problems begin by age 14. This is why prevention, early intervention, and ongoing support for the child and the family are absolutely critical. When children are equipped with emotional tools and surrounded by understanding adults, they are more likely to thrive—both mentally and physically.

2025 Theme: “That’s a WRAP!”

Each year, during the first full week of May, the National Federation of Families takes the lead in celebrating the mental health of children and youth. This year Children's Mental Health Action Week (CMHAW) is a call to action. The theme for Children’s Mental Health Week 2025, "That's a WRAP!", focuses on Wellness, Resilience, Action, and Purpose.

We know awareness is not enough. Each of us must take action to create lasting change. Every action - supporting a friend or loved one, listening to our children, practicing self-care, modeling wellness for our families, or reaching out for help - matters.

As parents, caregivers, or trusted adults, it is important we listen to children and empower them to speak up and express their thoughts and feelings, what they need, and what matters most to them. When young people feel heard, they are more likely to feel valued, respected, and able to advocate for themselves when they need help.
Too often, children feel they are not taken seriously. They may believe their problems are too small to matter or fear being judged or dismissed. This can lead to silence, isolation, and worsening mental health. By listening to children—truly listening—we can show them, with our actions, that they are not alone and that their thoughts and feelings are valid.

Promoting open communication at home and in school can help children understand that their emotions are valid and manageable. We can take action—as teachers, parents, caregivers, and community leaders— and create safe spaces for dialogue and emotional expression and wellness.

The Role of Adults: Creating Safe Spaces

Adults play a vital role in children’s mental health. Whether you’re a teacher, parent, relative, coach, or community leader, your presence and response to a child’s emotional needs can make a significant difference.

How to Create a Safe Emotional Environment:

1. Model emotional intelligence: Show children it’s okay to have big feelings. Talk openly about your own stress, sadness, or joy in an age-appropriate way.
2. Avoid minimizing feelings: Phrases like “Don’t be silly,” or “You’re fine” can be dismissive. Instead, say: “I hear you,” or “That sounds tough—do you want to talk about it?”
3. Be consistent and present: Routines, reliability, and attentive listening build trust and reduce anxiety.
4. Recognize signs of distress: Sudden changes in behavior, sleep issues, withdrawal, or outbursts may signal emotional struggles. Early support can prevent deeper issues.

Ways to Act

There are many ways to participate in Children’s Mental Health Week:

• Schools and educators can integrate mental health discussions into the classroom, organize assemblies or creative projects centered on the week’s theme, and provide resources for students and families. Schools can set up “talk time” where students can express concerns or ideas. Educators can use classroom circles, suggestion boxes, or storytelling activities to encourage emotional sharing.
• Parents and caregivers can take time to check in with their children, talk about emotions openly, and model healthy coping strategies. Replace “How was your day?” with open-ended questions like “What made you smile today?” or “Was there anything that upset you?” Show children that no topic is too small.

• Organizations and communities can host awareness events, share mental health resources, and support local mental health initiatives. For example, host youth forums or art exhibitions where children can express their views. Use platforms to raise their voices—literally and figuratively.
• Individuals can join Family First Wednesdays webinar tomorrow, May 7^th from noon-1:00 MST to learn about NAMI Montana and how they serve families and loved ones with mental illness. Register at for the webinar.

Simple acts—like asking a child how they’re feeling, listening without judgment, or encouraging self-expression through art and play—can make a lasting impact.

Addressing Stigma and Promoting Hope

Mental health challenges are not a sign of weakness or failure. They are part of the human experience. Yet stigma—especially in childhood—can prevent young people from seeking the help they need.

Children’s Mental Health Week aims to dismantle this stigma by showing that talking about emotions is normal, healthy, and essential. Through honest conversations and supportive environments, we can promote a culture of wellness where all children feel seen and supported.

Final Thoughts: Building a Healthier Future Together

Children’s Mental Health Week is more than a one-week campaign. It’s a call to action to prioritize children’s emotional and psychological well-being every day. Children’s Mental Health Week reminds us that we all have a role to play in shaping a better future for young people. By fostering environments where children feel seen, heard, and supported, we can lay the foundation for healthier futures.

Good mental health doesn’t develop in isolation—it flourishes in relationships, routines, and environments built on love, empathy, and safety. Mental health is not just the absence of illness—it’s the presence of positive emotional experiences, strong relationships, and the confidence to face life’s challenges. By listening more, judging less, and advocating for mental health in every setting—from schools and homes to healthcare and policy—we invest in a generation that is emotionally resilient, compassionate, and empowered to lead healthy lives.

Let’s continue this work far beyond one week a year. Let’s make mental well-being part of everyday life—for every child, everywhere.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Training Coordinator

March 10, 2025

March is daylight savings time when we turn our clocks ahead and gain an extra hour of daylight in the evenings. People look forward to this day all winter. But for some this change can be hard. Turning our clocks ahead means getting up in the dark. It takes our bodies time to adjust to losing an hour of sleep and getting up an hour earlier. Daylight savings time has caused me to think about change in general and how there are always upsides and downsides to change.

I find change in general hard. I think accepting change is my first problem. I don’t want things to change. I don’t like the unknown. The adjustment period is hard. The bad seems to outweigh the good. Or maybe I just focus on the bad more. Change can be small like a TV show ending or it can be giant like the death of a loved one. Change is also harder when I’m not the one initiating or deciding on the change.

I have had a lot of changes in my life over the past year. My family moved from a home we lived in for 20 years, where both my children were raised. We moved from the city I had lived in my whole life to the country. The Family Peer Support pilot project I had been working on for 2 years ended which meant leaving the pediatric clinic where I worked for 3 years and the families I worked with. And the TV show Blue Bloods, which I loved, ended after 14 seasons. Not the biggest change, I know. But I did cry.

So how do we make the best of change, especially change that is unwanted or unexpected? Acceptance is the first step. Before I can adjust to it, enjoy it, or grieve it, I have to accept it. Fighting it or ignoring it keeps me stuck and doesn’t stop whatever is changing. After I’ve accepted it, I acknowledge my feelings. I’m sure we’ve all heard the old adage "don't cry over spilled milk." According to Generative AI, “it is an old proverb that means it's not useful to be upset about something that has already happened. The phrase encourages people to focus on moving forward instead.” I don’t agree with this. I do think it is important to focus on moving forward but it is useful to acknowledge our feelings first and allow ourselves to feel them. If it is an undesirable change, we may feel sad or angry. Grieving is a normal part of the process. It can be hard to move forward and embrace the change if we haven’t dealt with our feelings. Things that I have found helpful in processing my feelings are journaling, professional counseling, talking to a friend, and prayer. And never underestimate the power of a good cry. Sometimes it can be helpful to take a break when the feelings become overwhelming. I find exercise, music, and a good movie or book helpful to take my mind off things for a while.

After I have allowed myself to feel my feelings about the change, I can focus on adapting to it. I can look forward to the positive outcomes of the change. If the change resulted in losing something or someone, I can reflect back with gratitude for the time I had and remember the good. I look ahead in anticipation of new things to come. The key for me in embracing this time is choosing my attitude. Whether I am happy about the change or not, I can choose a positive attitude of gratitude. I can expect good things instead of anticipating the negative. That’s not to say that I deny what’s hard about the change, but I can choose not to complain and appreciate what I can about the situation.

Change is a constant in life. Seasons change, we age, time moves on. As much as I prefer everything to stay the same, to remain with what’s known, to be comfortable, that isn’t always the best for me. I think about the example of a body of water. When there is no water flowing in or out, no movement, the water becomes stagnant and is not conducive for growth. To have a healthy environment where life and new growth can happen, the water has to move and change. New water has to flow in and old water out. Things need to move and change. I think the same is true about our lives. Without change, our lives become stagnant, old, dark, and smelly, with only mold being able to grow. Change lets in light and air and new possibilities for growth. There is some change in my life I will never get over like losing my dad. But there are other changes, positive changes, I also will never get over like the birth of my children. Hard change can also lead to new opportunities. The development of mental health challenges in my family has opened the door for me to be able to help other families as a Family Peer Supporter. I get to use my lived experience, that unwelcomed change that happened, to bring hope and empowerment to other parents and caregivers who are struggling and dealing with change.

So, as daylight savings time ushers in longer days and warmer weather, I hope I can continue to embrace change with openness, acceptance, and gratitude. I hope sharing my experience helps others do the same.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Training Coordinator

January 22, 2025

On Friday, January 17, the House of Representatives voted to pass HB76 creating Family Peer Support certification. Now on to the Senate! House Bills will get passed to the Senate on March 4. As we wait, this is a great time to email or meet with Senators to share what Family Peer Support is, how valuable it is/was for you and/or the families you work with, and why certification is important to the development of the workforce. You can find a list of Senators and their contact information on legmt.gov. HB76 will most likely be heard by the Senate Public Health, Welfare & Safety committee. Here is list of the Senators on that committee:

Lenz, Dennis (Chair) (R)
Ricci, Vince (VCh) (R)
Smith, Laura (VCh) (D)
Emrich, Daniel (R)
Fuller, John (R)
Glimm, Carl (R)
Kerr-Carpenter, Emma (D)
McGillvray, Tom (R)
Neumann, Cora (D)
Windy Boy, Jonathan (D)
Yakawich, Mike (R)

Here are a few key talking points:

• The Behavioral Health System for Future Generations Commission included Family Peer Support funding in their formal recommendations.
• Gov. Gianforte allocated $700,000 for Family Peer Support.
• Family Peer Support provides peer to peer support for families, reducing feelings of isolation and guilt and increasing protection against chronic stress. 19% of Children in MT have a Special Health Care Need (SHCN) including Behavioral Health and 31% of SHCN Parents experience clinical Depression (vs. only7% of non-SHCN Parents).
• Family Peer Support provides support for early intervention, diagnosis, and treatment reducing the risk of substance use and improving health outcomes. Family Peer Support provides uninterrupted care during transitions, covers the gaps in services, and gives access to after-hours support reducing the use of crisis services. For every Family Peer Supporter, MT Medicaid saves $112,103.18 annually.
• Family Peer Support provides support in communities across the state including urban, rural, frontier, and tribal lands. Family Peer Supporters fill gaps in and help with the workforce shortage in healthcare providers.
• As of 2020, 28 states have certification including Washington, Utah, Colorado, Oregon, North Dakota, & Idaho. SAMHSA included Family Peer Support in their recently published National Model Standards for Peer Support Certification.
• 94% of families surveyed feel the quality of their family’s life has IMPROVED since having access to a Family Peer Supporter. 83% feel the quality of their child’s care has IMPROVED since having access to a Family Peer Supporter. 87% feel more comfortable and confident managing their child’s health challenges and care since speaking to a Family Peer Supporter. (as of 8/15/24 with 182 family encounters surveyed by Montana’s Peer Network during a 2-year pilot project) Note: Family Peer Supporters work directly with the parent or caregiver not the child. However, 83% of parents felt the quality of their child’s care improved. Parents felt better about their child’s care and more empowered to advocate for their needs when working with a Family Peer Supporter.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Training Coordinator

January 6, 2025

January 3^rd was JRR Tolkien’s birthday. He wrote many books but the ones that I am the most familiar with are The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Although Tolkien died before I was born, I knew his name by Kindergarten. My father began reading The Hobbit to me at night before bed when I was 5. He went on to read me The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. The main character in The Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, went on a great adventure with a group of dwarves and a wizard to fight a dragon and came across a magic ring that made him disappear. Tolkien’s characters were always finding themselves in trouble, whether it was with trolls or spiders or other enemies. My favorite part is when they escape in wine barrels and tossed into the river to float downstream to a nearby town. My dad actually read all the books twice to me over many years. He loved the books and knew every character and even sang the songs that were written throughout. Since it took us so long to read through each book and then begin again, I couldn’t tell if he knew the tune of the songs or made them up, creating different versions each time he sang them. I loved the stories too, but mostly I loved spending time with my dad. He even read me the Babysitter’s Club books when I was older which I’m sure were far less interesting to him! When I grew up and had my own kids, I read to each of them at bedtime too. With my oldest, I read the Harry Potter series and Emily Windsnap books. I read the Chronicles of Narnia and the Artemis Fowl books with my youngest.

According to the Child Mind Institute, “The benefits of reading together [adult and child] go far beyond learning to read. Reading to young children is an important way to help them build language skills. It exposes them to new words and ways of using language. By reading to your child starting at a young age, even before they’re able to communicate verbally, you help lay the neurological groundwork for effective language use and literacy.”

Even a few minutes of reading together gives you and your child a chance to slow down and connect with each other. And the sensory experience of sitting with you and hearing your voice also engages their brain in a way that makes learning easier.”

Even though I knew reading to my children had many of the previously mentioned benefits, that is not why I read to them at bedtime. I read to my children because my father read to me.

I continue to enjoy reading. I like a variety of fiction and non-fiction. My non-fiction choices change with the seasons of my life. In my 20’s, it was books about parenting young children and self-help. In my 30’s, I read nutrition books, recovery daily readers, and Christian personal growth and marriage books. As mental illness began affecting my family, I read a lot about different diagnoses, mental health, and parenting teens. Two that stick out to me are Stop Walking on Eggshells and Reviving Ophelia. As I began working as a Family Peer Supporter, I read books about the brain and trauma. Leadership books are always good no matter what stage of life I am in. With the start of 2025, I set myself a goal to read one non-fiction book a month. Currently I am reading The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, & Healing in a Toxic Culture by Dr. Gabor Mate.

An article titled “A must-read: Physical and mental health benefits of reading books” on Nuvancehealth.org states, “Reading a book is like eating a superfood for your brain. Studies using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) have shown that reading is a complex task involving different parts of the brain. By observing changes to blood flow in the brain, researchers can see that reading stimulates the brain’s neural pathways. This stimulation enhances brain activity, memory and cognitive function — ultimately boosting your creativity and expanding your capacity to learn.”

Reading has physical benefits in addition to being an intellectual workout. Research shows that regular reading can lower blood pressure, reduce stress and improve sleep quality. Researchers have also found a link between reading books and longevity; reading keeps your brain active and promotes mental and emotional fitness.”

If reading isn’t something you enjoy, the article goes on to suggest, “starting small and reading just 20 minutes a day. Here are some ways you can ease into reading books:

• Swap scrolling through your phone for reading just one time per day.
• Develop a routine such as reading before bedtime or sip your favorite beverage when you read.
• Select books on topics you’re curious about and really like.
• Research what people you admire read to connect with them through books, whether a celebrity, colleague, parent or best friend.”

I would also suggest reading autobiographies of your favorite people. If reading just isn’t your thing, audiobooks are a great alternative. Listening to books may not give you all the benefits of reading, but that’s okay. Listening to books can be done when reading can’t such as while driving or working. I love listening to books by Neil Gaiman. He reads his own books and has the most relaxing and imaginative voice. Some of his books are similar to fairy tales and listening to him read them takes me back to when I was a child when my dad would read to me every night before bed.

Reading has become part of my wellness and recovery toolbox. I always have a list of books I want to read. With the business of day-to-day life, I don’t always read as much as I’d like to. I have been a part of book clubs in the past which helps me prioritize reading in order to finish the book on time so I can discuss it with the group. Sometimes I like to read at a coffee shop or the library that way I am away from the house and all the distractions. Reading before bed helps me relax and unwind. Sometimes it works so well I fall asleep after only reading a few pages! I really like reading while I’m waiting, like before appointments or picking up kids from school. eBooks on my phone work great for that. I love reading in the morning on the weekends while drinking coffee. Reading can distract me during hard times and can entertain me when I’m feeling lonely. I love experiencing new and different worlds and characters through books. There is also something very satisfying about finishing a good book.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

December 30, 2024

Family Peer Support is a trained parent or caregiver with lived experience raising a child with special healthcare needs and/or behavioral health challenges providing support to another parent or caregiver who is currently raising a child with similar healthcare needs. Family Peer Supporters provide emotional support, resources, and connection to community, helping the parent or caregiver feel less isolated, less stressed, and more hopeful. A Family Peer Supporter, because of their lived experience, can connect to another parent or caregiver in a way that few others can. The Family Peer Supporter knows what it feels like to raise a child with special healthcare needs and/or behavioral health challenges. The Family Peer Supporter knows the challenges that parents and caregivers face. They can relate to the often-overwhelming feelings of shame, blame, fear, and loss parents and caregivers experience. The Family Peer Supporter has navigated the confusing health system and has juggled multiple therapies, school meetings, doctor appointments, and other family commitments along with the needs of themselves, their child, and their family. Lived experience is the foundation of Family Peer Support. Lived experience is what makes Family Peer Support a unique service.

The benefits of Family Peer Support reach all involved, not only the parent or caregiver but also the child/youth, the provider, and the system as a whole. The child/youth receives uninterrupted care, support in recovery, and healthier family relationships. The provider receives an engaged family, lower costs, and better patient outcomes. The system receives the input and advocacy efforts of people with lived experience, a growing healthcare workforce, and less use of acute care.

In order for Family Peer Support to be a recognized profession with standardized training, scope of practice, and code of ethics, state certification is required. Beginning in 2022, the Montana Family Peer Support Task Force, comprised of stakeholders from across Montana, met for one year and developed the professional standards for Family Peer Support including Scope of Practice, Code of Ethics, Core Competencies and Training Standards, and Certification Requirements. These standards will be recommended to the Montana Board of Behavioral Health in developing the profession of Certified Family Peer Support. As of 2020, 28 states have Family Peer Support certification including Colorado, North Dakota, Idaho, Utah, Oregon, and Washington. Montana needs to be on the list. According to the National Federation of Families’ article “Family Peer Support Stories,” state certification supports the long-term health and efficacy of Family Peer Support services as well as assures proper trauma-informed training standards are met. Family Peer Support state certification will ensure services are delivered consistently across Montana and will hold Family Peer Supporters to a higher standard of care in alignment with a mandatory code of ethics. State certification will provide Family Peer Supporters with standardized, robust training that is currently lacking in Montana. State certification will protect the Family Peer Supporter and the families they are working with, ensuring that they have the proper tools and skills to be successful in supporting families. Certification will also lead to more sustainable funding source for Family Peer Supporters, safeguarding the longevity of job positions. The professionalization of Family Peer Support through state certification is the first step in supporting parents and caregivers everywhere children and families are served in Montana.

In September 2023, the Children, Family, Health, and Human Services Interim Committee included Family Peer Support in their approved work plan. A Family Peer Support panel presented in front of this Interim Committee in January 2024 on the importance and value of state certified Family Peer Support. From that meeting, a draft bill for Family Peer Support certification was created. The Children, Families, Health, and Human Services Interim Committee finalized a bill creating Family Peer Support certification under the Montana Board of Behavioral Health, with Representative SJ Howell as sponsor, to be introduced as a Committee Bill in the 2025 Legislative Session. The bill was assigned HB76. HB76’s short title is “Generally revise laws related to the board of behavioral health.

“A Guide to the Montana Legislature” explains the process of how a bill becomes law and goes over testifying at a hearing.

“Once a bill has been assigned a number [HB76], it’s presented to the chamber [in this case the House] during what is called first reading. The presiding officer assigns the bill to a [House] committee. If a committee recommends passage of a bill, the bill is placed on second reading. At this time, the entire chamber, called into a Committee of the Whole, debates the bill during a floor session. Legislators may offer amendments. If the House [HB76 will be voted on first in the House] or Senate votes to pass the bill during second reading, the bill (with any amendments) is placed on third reading. The vote on third reading is the most important vote. It decides whether the bill passes the House [for BH76] or Senate. Legislators may not amend or debate a bill on third reading. Once a bill passes through one chamber [the House], it’s transmitted to the other chamber [the Senate]. It goes through the same process there. If the second chamber [the Senate] amends the bill, it’s sent back to the first chamber [the House] for approval of the amendments. Each bill must pass both chambers in the same form before it’s sent to the Governor for his or her signature. If the two chambers cannot agree on amendments, they may appoint a conference committee to try to find a compromise.

“One of the most important opportunities to become involved in the debate over a bill is when it’s the subject of a hearing before a legislative committee. You can communicate personally with legislators at any time about any bill, but the committee hearing is the occasion when members of the public are specifically invited to publicly approve, oppose, or suggest changes to a bill. Don’t let stage fright stop you from taking advantage of this important right! Legislators were elected to represent the people of Montana. They are eager to hear your thoughts and perspective. You may testify on any bill that concerns you. Committee hearings allow you to speak your mind before the committee takes any action and before the bill is brought to the attention of the House and Senate for debate and a final vote. You may testify in person [or by Zoom] or submit written testimony.”

Because most legislators will not have lived experience raising a child with special healthcare needs and/or behavioral health challenges, it will be important for all advocates to present public comment regarding this certification bill. Families’ voices need to be heard as well as providers who see the benefit of Family Peer Support. There are three ways to submit public comment: 1. You can attend the committee hearing in person in Helena; 2. You can register to give public comment over zoom (IMPORTANT- you must register by 5:00pm the evening before the meeting); and 3. You can submit public comment in writing to the committee. As parents and caregivers, our stories are important and impactful, whether we had a Family Peer Supporter that supported us and was a lifeline for us, or we navigated our child’s care alone and how different having a Family Peer Supporter would have made that experience. Those of us who have provided Family Peer Support, it is important to share our stories of working with families and the positive changes it has made for them. Our stories are what legislators need to hear. As parents and caregivers, we deserve voice and choice, and this is our chance to make our voices heard and positively change the healthcare system in Montana.

As I write this, I get emotional thinking about how hard my family’s experience was. How alone and judged we felt. Looking back, I could have given my child better care had I known what I know now. As a parent making decisions for my child, I did not know what our rights were or what services were even available. I was fortunate to be able to be a strong advocate for my child but that's not the case for all families. As I have worked as a Family Peer Supporter, I have heard heartbreaking stories from families, and I have also been honored to hear how much having another parent’s support who has walked their journey has been for. During Montana’s Peer Network's Family Peer Support demonstration project, parents and caregivers were surveyed after every interaction they had with a Family Peer Supporter. 94% of the parents and caregivers surveyed felt that the quality of their family's life had improved since having access to a Family Peer Supporter. 83% felt their child’s care had improved since speaking to a Family Peer Supporter. And 87% felt more comfortable and confident managing their child's health challenges and care since speaking to a Family Peer Supporter.

As HB76 moves through Montana Legislature, Montana’s Peer Network will keep you updated on committee information and hearing times, voting outcomes, and opportunities to give public comment. I am thankful for the hard work and support of so many throughout this process and am hopeful Family Peer Support will gain certification in this Legislative Session!

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

November 5, 2024

November is National Family Caregiver Month. On Caregiver Action Network’s website, they share the importance of recognizing caregivers. Celebrating Family Caregivers during National Family Caregivers Month enables all of us to:

• Raise awareness of family caregiver issues
• Celebrate the efforts of family caregivers
• Educate family caregivers about self-identification
• Increase support for family caregivers
• Reduce feelings of isolation”

As a parent/caregiver to 2 children with behavioral health challenges, I know first-hand how easy it can be to neglect my own wellness. Finding time and energy for self-care seemed impossible. If I wasn’t running my child to school and doctor’s appointments and therapies, I was cleaning the house and cooking and working. Being a parent to a child with extra medical needs also left me emotionally drained. I worried about their health and their future. I was hurting because my child was hurting. I was grieving the loss of dreams. The chronic stress experienced by parents and caregivers of children with any type of special healthcare needs can take a toll on their physical and mental health. We have all heard the flight attendant’s instruction to put our own oxygen mask on first before assisting our child or anyone else. This applies to parents and caregivers. If we don’t take care of our wellness first, we will not be at our best to care for our child and their wellness.

An email I received from Mental Health America (MHA) states, “November is National Family Caregivers Month — a time to celebrate the incredible dedication of family members who provide essential care for loved ones managing health challenges, including mental health conditions.” As a parent caring for a child with mental health conditions, I often felt blamed, overlooked, and unappreciated. I also judged myself and struggled with constant regret in my choices as a parent. As I began practicing self-care, I was slowly able to appreciate my dedication to my child and their health. I recognized I was doing the best I could, which was all I could ask of myself. As my wellness improved so did my ability to respond instead of reacting, my compassion grew, I was better at setting healthy boundaries, and I had more to give without feeling resentful.

Caregiver Action Network writes, “During 2024 National Family Caregivers Month, we focus on empowering caregivers to self-identify and access the resources they need to succeed. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. With the proper support and tools, you can continue to provide care while taking care of yourself.” Family Peer Support, whether formal or informal, is an amazing resource. Having someone to talk to who has a shared lived experience and will walk with you on the journey is powerful. You can find a Family Peer Supporter on Montana’s Peer Network’s website under the For Parents/Caregivers tab. Montana’s Peer Network also has a Caregiver Wellness training on their virtual training platform. Sign up for free.

On October 31, 2024, President Biden released A Proclamation on National Family Caregivers Month, 2024. In part it reads, “Family caregivers are the backbone of our Nation, making tremendous sacrifices to be there for the people who need and cherish them most.  This month, we honor their selfless love and courage, and we recommit to getting them the support they deserve.” You can find free resources from Caregiver Action Network for caregivers:

• Caregiver Help Desk – Access free, personalized support for your caregiving challenges.

• 10 Tips for Family Caregivers – Learn practical strategies for managing caregiving stress.
• Take Care of Your Mental Health – Use our free depression screener to monitor your emotional well-being.
• Connect with Other Family Caregivers – Join our Caregiver Action Network Community to share experiences and receive support.
• Share Your Caregiver Story – Inspire others by sharing your caregiving journey.
• Take Advantage of Resources from the I Care… Nonprofit Partners

MHA hosted a webinar Holding on for others: Caregiving, chronic illness, and self-care last year. You can watch the recording here.

Another great event happening this month is free streaming of the documentary “Unseen: How We’re Failing Caregivers & Why It Matters.” It will be available every weekend in November. (Register here) Caregiverdoc.com explains, “The UNSEEN documentary exists to raise awareness of caregiving issues, educate communities, and increase support for caregivers.”

MHA shares that National Family Caregiver Month is “a time to celebrate the contributions of caregivers, provide them with tools that they need, and continue to advocate for individuals with mental illness.” Most importantly, this month (and every month), I hope you, the caregiver, know you are not alone. Montana’s Peer Network is here to support you and walk beside you as we raise our children with special healthcare and behavioral health needs, love and care for them, and fiercely advocate for them. You are not alone. Take care of yourself, too. You are worth it.

Generated by ChatGPT and edited by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

October 8, 2024

Mental health has long been an overlooked aspect of overall health. However, with growing awareness, advocacy, and research, the conversation around mental health is evolving. One of the major milestones in this ongoing movement is World Mental Health Day, observed annually on October 10th. This day serves as a platform for advocacy, awareness, and mobilization efforts to promote mental health and to provide mental health support.

The Origins of World Mental Health Day

World Mental Health Day was first observed in 1992, initiated by the World Federation for Mental Health (WFMH), an organization that has been working for over seventy years to promote global mental health awareness and treatment. The idea behind this day is simple: to raise awareness of mental health issues around the globe and to advocate for the importance of mental healthcare.

Initially, there was no specific theme for the day, and it was solely focused on general mental health education and advocacy. However, starting in 1994, the day took on more specific themes to address diverse aspects of mental health. This year’s theme is “It is Time to Prioritize Mental Health in the Workplace.”

On WFMH’s website, Tsuyoshi Akiyama, WFMH President writes, “Employed adults spend more time working than any other activity during their waking hours. In a myriad ways, and at its best, work can provide a livelihood and be a source of meaning, purpose, and joy. However, for too many people, work falls far short of its potential, failing to enhance our lives and detracting from our mental health and well-being in ways that result in excessive distress and mental ill health.

“Mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, are pervasive in workplaces globally, impacting productivity, attendance, and overall performance. When left untreated, the staggering economic cost is estimated at US$1 trillion annually by the [World Health Organization].”

Tsuyoshi Akiyama goes on to say, “The data consistently demonstrate that prioritizing workplace mental health is good for people, companies, and communities.

“World Mental Health Day 2024 will highlight various aspects of mental health at work, from workplace conditions and stress management to the importance of social inclusion and empowerment. The goal is clear: to champion mental health in the workplace and build best practices that create cultures where workers have the potential to contribute productively and thrive.”

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), “Safe, healthy working environments can act as a protective factor for mental health. Unhealthy conditions including stigma, discrimination, and exposure to risks like harassment and other poor working conditions, can pose significant risks, affecting mental health, overall quality of life and consequently participation or productivity at work. With 60% of the global population in work, urgent action is needed to ensure work prevents risks to mental health and protects and supports mental health at work.”

Why Mental Health Matters

Mental health refers to our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It influences how we think, feel, and act, and it plays a vital role in how we handle stress, relate to others, and make decisions. Good mental health is just as important as physical health, yet the world often treats them differently.

Globally, mental health disorders are rising. According to the WHO, around one in four people will be affected by a mental health condition at some point in their life. This can range from disorders like depression and anxiety to bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

The COVID-19 pandemic has only exacerbated mental health challenges, as isolation, uncertainty, and loss have led to increased stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms worldwide. This makes it more urgent than ever to address mental health concerns on a global scale and particularly in the workplace.

The Importance of Raising Awareness

One of the primary goals of World Mental Health Day is to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness. Many people suffering from mental health issues often feel ashamed or afraid to seek help, fearing judgment or discrimination. This stigma can prevent individuals from getting the treatment they need, which can worsen their condition over time.

By encouraging open conversations about mental health and normalizing discussions around it, World Mental Health Day helps dismantle the myths and misconceptions that surround mental illness. When society acknowledges that mental health is just as important as physical health, people are more likely to seek help when they need it, which ultimately leads to better mental health outcomes.

The Global Mental Health Crisis

Despite progress, the state of global mental health remains concerning. Millions of people around the world are still without access to adequate mental health services. In many countries, mental health resources are severely limited or non-existent, particularly in low- and middle-income nations. This is compounded by the fact that many individuals struggling with mental health conditions may not even seek help due to cultural norms, fear of being judged, or lack of awareness.

According to the WHO, mental, neurological, and substance use disorders make up 10% of the global burden of disease and are responsible for 30% of the non-fatal disease burden. Depression alone affects more than 264 million people worldwide and is one of the leading causes of disability.

Suicide is another alarming concern, with close to 800,000 people dying by suicide every year, which is approximately one person every 40 seconds. Despite these staggering numbers, mental health is still woefully underfunded, with less than 2% of national health budgets being allocated to mental health in most countries. World Mental Health Day is a call for greater investment in mental health infrastructure and resources. Governments, policymakers, and health organizations need to prioritize mental health in their policies and programs.

The Importance of Self-Care and Support Systems

While advocating for systemic change is critical, individual self-care practices are also crucial for maintaining mental health. Some strategies to foster better mental health include:

• Developing a routine- Structure can bring a sense of stability in uncertain times.
• Physical activity- Regular exercise can reduce stress and improve mood.
• Staying connected- Maintaining strong social ties can offer support during difficult times.
• Mindfulness and relaxation techniques- Practices like meditation, yoga, and deep-breathing exercises can help manage stress and anxiety.
• Seeking help when needed- If someone is struggling with their mental health, professional help from a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can be invaluable.

Support systems, whether from friends, family, or mental health professionals, also play a vital role in an individual's mental health. Building strong networks of support encourages those struggling to seek help and find the necessary resources to heal.

The Future of Mental Health Advocacy

The future of mental health advocacy in the workplace is poised for significant transformation, driven by the increasing recognition of mental well-being as a critical factor in employee productivity and overall organizational success. Companies are moving beyond superficial wellness programs to create more comprehensive mental health strategies that include proactive support, flexible working conditions, and access to professional mental health services. In the future, workplaces will likely see a stronger integration of mental health into corporate policies, with leadership taking an active role in fostering a culture of openness and support. This could include mental health training for managers, the inclusion of mental health days, and expanded benefits that cover mental health treatment. With advancements in technology, telehealth, and data-driven wellness platforms, employers will have more tools to monitor and enhance the mental health of their workforce, making mental well-being a priority alongside physical health.

Conclusion

World Mental Health Day is more than just a symbolic observance; it is a powerful call to action for individuals, communities, and governments alike to prioritize mental health. By raising awareness, reducing stigma, and advocating for better mental health policies and services, this global movement is bringing us closer to a world where we recognize that mental health is as important as physical health. And maybe someday, mental health and physical health will not be separated but will be seen together as overall health.

As we move forward, it is essential to remember that mental health is not just the absence of mental illness, but the presence of positive well-being. World Mental Health Day invites us to reflect on this and work together to create a world where mental health is valued, protected, and nurtured for everyone, including in the workplace.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

September 10, 2024

September is Recovery Month. But What Does Recovery Mean for Families?

The word “recovery” is usually associated with addiction, sobriety, AA, substance use disorder, treatment, or abstinence. In healthcare, we associate “recovery” with healing after surgery, illness, or injury. In the recovery world, “recovery” from mental health disorders can look like managing symptoms, absence of hospital stays, improvement in mental health, or increased ability to function in day-to-day life.

Parents and caregivers of children with special healthcare needs including behavioral health, usually don’t see the word “recovery” applying to them or their families and especially not children who have life-long physical, cognitive, or developmental disabilities.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines recovery as “a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential.” According to this definition, “recovery” absolutely applies to children with any special healthcare need, to their parents and caregivers, and to the family as a whole. Improvement in health isn’t only physical; it can be emotional, mental, or spiritual health. In family-centered care, the child or youth and the parents or caregivers are encouraged to participate in the decision-making process and plan of care. Their voice and choice matter and are essential. I believe it is every parent’s and caregiver’s goal to help the child reach their full potential, whatever that looks like for the individual.

The word “wellness” is often substituted for recovery. “Wellness” can be easier for some families to relate to than “recovery.” However, “wellness” can still be hard to identify with for parents and caregivers of children with lifelong health conditions or disabilities. “Wellness” is sometimes used to describe complete healing, perfect health, or being free from illness or disability. But the Global Wellness Institute defines wellness as “the active pursuit of activities, choices and lifestyles that lead to a state of holistic health.” Holistic health encompasses all aspects of a person’s being including emotional, mental or intellectual, physical, spiritual, vocational, financial, social, and environmental. Every child, regardless of their challenge, illness, or disability, can have wellness. I have a friend whose son has down syndrome, a genetic disorder that causes developmental delays and physical disabilities. I would describe him as living in wellness. He participates in activities such as sports including being on teams in Special Olympics (he even carried the torch one year!), art classes, and riding an innertube behind his family’s boat (he even loves the wipe out!). He loves his job at a pizza restaurant and told me the other day that he has been there 7 years. He enjoys volunteering as greeter on Sundays at his church and loves social interactions with his friends, family, coworkers, and everyone he meets. His life is full of purpose, fun, and wellness. He jumps out of bed everyday ready to take on the world. If that’s not “wellness,” I don’t know what is. SAMHSA “envisions wellness not as the absence of disease, illness, and stress, but as the presence of a positive purpose in life, satisfying work and play, joyful relationships, a healthy body and living environment.”[1]

Looking at the definitions of recovery and wellness, I would say they are interchangeable and possible for everyone.

Our recovery and wellness journeys are not straight lines. They come with ups and downs, forward and backward movements, stops and starts, and plateaus. They do not have a beginning or ending point. They are unique to each individual. Your recovery and wellness are defined by you alone. Recovery and wellness can take many paths. SAMHSA has developed 10 Guiding Principles of Recovery (and Wellness, added by me). Recovery (Wellness):

• Emerges from hope
• Is person-driven
• Occurs via many pathways
• Is holistic
• Is supported by peers and allies
• Is supported through relationship and social networks
• Is culturally-based and influenced
• Is supported by addressing trauma
• Involves individual, family, and community strengths and responsibility
• Is based on respect

My recovery/wellness journey began before I had children, but I wouldn’t have described it as such. From an early age, I learned what I enjoyed and what I was good at. I learned coping strategies for the ups and downs of life. Unfortunately, instead of leading me closer to wellness, my coping strategies were destructive to my health and wellness. Learning new ways to cope has been part of my journey. I have found hope and social networks in support groups. I have tried different pathways, some leading to recovery and wellness and others not so much. One pathway I tried repeatedly could be described as a tightrope. I would start at the beginning, finding my “balance” by doing everything “right.” With wellness on the other end as my goal, I would carefully make my way across. But inevitably I would make a “wrong” move. I couldn’t seem to hold it together long enough to get to the other side. I would get angry at my child or spouse; I would not get my responsibilities done; my life wouldn’t go the way I was hoping; my child would misbehave obviously due to my poor parenting; my feelings would be negative; I wasn’t doing it perfectly. And just like that, I had fallen off my “path.” Usually, my fall from the tightrope led me to those destructive coping strategies to deal with my feelings of failure and hopelessness. Eventually, I would pick myself up and go back to the beginning and start over. Always trying to hold it all together long enough to reach the other side and the wellness and safety I thought waited for me there. I have learned to take a different path of recovery and wellness. This alternative pathway is a trail. There is no end to my recovery/wellness journey, no point when I arrive at total wellness. I get to experience wellness as I move along the trail. Somedays more than others. There are times I “fall off” the path. But unlike the tightrope, I just step back on. Sometimes I get lost in the forest and have to find my way back. Sometimes I turn around and go back aways. Sometimes I sit down stubbornly refusing to continue on. As I look back at my pathway, I see how far I have come. Despite all the detours and wrong turns, I have made progress. Unlike the tightrope requiring perfection where I continue to have to start over at the beginning, my new pathway is more gentle and forgiving. I learn how to offer myself and others grace.

My recovery/wellness journey has also included, at different times and not all at once, professional counseling (individual, family, and marital), sponsorship and mentoring (getting to be both sponsor and sponsee), support groups, church groups, self-help and leadership development books, peer support trainings, exercise, developing healthier eating habits, crying (studies have shown the healing power of tears), prescribed medication, self-care such as rest through meditation or fun with hobbies I enjoy (snuck into the tiny bits of free time here and there), quiet time and prayer, traveling, spending time in nature, keeping a gratitude list, journaling, being in relationship with others (my close friends have been lifesavers), and learning to use my voice and my lived experience to advocate for myself, my child, my family, and others. Becoming a Family Peer Supporter has been a big part of my recovery/wellness journey.

Acceptance has also been important to my recovery/wellness. Accepting myself, accepting my child, accepting my child’s behavioral health challenges and diagnoses, accepting my reality, and accepting what I cannot change which is everything and everyone besides myself and my actions. I have had to go through the grieving process with lost dreams and hopes for myself and my child. And I continue to go through the grieving process whenever there is change or a new stage of treatment or new loss. Overall, hope has been the most important. Hope that recovery and wellness are possible; hope for new dreams; hope that we will get through whatever season we are in; hope shared by others who are further in their recovery/wellness journey. We share hope whenever we share our recovery (or resiliency) story with others.

So, what do the words “recovery” and “wellness” mean to families and parents/caregivers raising children with behavioral health challenges and special healthcare needs?

• “A process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential.” (SAMSHA)
• “The active pursuit of activities, choices and lifestyles that lead to a state of holistic health.” (Global Wellness Institute)
• “Not as the absence of disease, illness, and stress, but as the presence of a positive purpose in life, satisfying work and play, joyful relationships, a healthy body and living environment.” (SAMHSA)

To hear other family members share their own family recovery story and how they learned to improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential as a family, register for a Special Recovery Month Family Event:  "Nothing About Us Without Us: Families Supporting Recovery." This event will be held virtually Monday, September 16, 2024, at 11:00 am MST and hosted by SAMSHA and the National Federation of Families. Register at https://www.zoomgov.com/meeting/register/vJItf-irqTwiG8Bn85d59NIptD0G61q1ZSk#/registration.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

August 6, 2024

The word boundaries can bring to mind a variety of images and feelings. Boundaries can have a negative connotation or conjure feelings of safety. Boundaries can be a hard concept for many. Often, setting boundaries feels uncaring. I personally have a love/hate relationship with boundaries. I find the concept confusing when trying to apply it to my life and relationships. Setting boundaries can cause conflict with others whose boundaries are different. Essentially, boundaries protect the important things in life. In order to set effective boundaries, you have to know your priorities. And to know your priorities, you first have to know your values.

Values are the “gut level” qualities that guide you. Values are those things most important to you. Your non-negotiables. There are over 50 common core values. Most people have 6 or so. What are yours? Priorities tend to be relationships. Most of us have good priorities but many struggle to live them out in the right order. List your priorities in order of most important. A good but hard question to ask ourselves is “Does my life reflect the order of my priorities?” Stephen Covey said, “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” How do we do this? One way is to jot down your regular routine and identify if there is a value & priority at play with each item. Does your highest priority show up in your routine and if so, how often? What shows up most often in your routine? Where do you see your other priorities in your schedule? Which of your priorities are not in your schedule? The years after Covid have shown us that we need social interaction and face-to-face connection. How do you refill your cup? How do you feed yourself physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Where do you have fun? Research says it takes 400 repetitions to create a new synapse in the brain unless it’s done while having fun/playing. Then it only takes 10-20 repetitions! (Source Oak Tree Development Center)

Raising a child with a behavioral health challenge and/or special healthcare need is a marathon, not a sprint. As parents to children with complex needs, we do not have the luxury to say yes to everything. When my child began school, I was bombarded with volunteer opportunities and wanted to do them all- home room mom, reading helper, PTA member, book group leader, field trip chaperone, and so on. And don’t forget about snacks and lunches and birthday treats. I wanted them to be homemade, delicious, and perfect. My motivation to say “yes” varied. Sometimes I really wanted to participate, other times I felt like I had to if I wanted to be a “good” mom. Sometimes I wanted to participate because these were all new experiences for me and my child and I wanted to be involved in all of them. And sometimes it is just really hard to say “no.” Not only did I want to do most of these, I thought I “should” be able to do all of them. I saw other moms doing it all. I had dreams of doing it all with and for my child. As a mom to a child with extra needs, my expectations and dreams had to change. There is a grieving process when our life doesn’t turn out exactly as we thought it would. It’s important to grieve and find acceptance. It opens space for new dreams and hopes. It allows gratitude to grow in us for what we have. It can help to look at how many hours you spend taking care of your child. Time spent at appointments, driving to and from appointments, researching illnesses and therapies and resources and services. And don’t forget about the mental, emotional, and physical toll caring for a child with complex needs can have on us as caregivers. Added all up, how many hours is that in a school week? Sally Super Mom’s child doesn’t require the extra care, giving her extra hours in the week. Let her be home room mom, PTA president, reading buddy. I have found a good question to ask myself is, “Can someone else take this role?” No one else is going to be my child’s mom, but all the other parents can be home room mom. My child is also more likely to remember the time I spend with them than whether their treats were homemade. Give yourself permission to say yes or no based on your values and priorities. The stage of life you are in now will change. Your values and priorities might change. “No” doesn’t have to be forever, sometimes it’s just “not now.”

Now that we have identified our values, boundaries, and routine, how do we protect them? Boundaries! Boundaries are not our values and priorities. We put boundaries around our values and priorities to protect them. Like a fence. Having clear boundaries will help you make decisions about your time and will help others know what to expect from you. Boundaries are a form of self-care. They can protect from caregiver burnout and chronic stress. Boundaries are important to our health and wellness. And our wellness is important to our child.

Interested in learning more? Check out our learning platform.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

June 11, 2024

I did not expect to be raising a child with a disability. In fact, I’m pretty sure no parent does. When I dreamed of having children, I imagined them healthy and living life like their peers. Sure, there was bound to be misbehavior and bumps along the way, but not a disability. Certainly not one that would shatter my hopes and dreams and force me to change my expectations. Adapting to being a parent or caregiver of a child with a disability can be hard.

Dr. Nancy Miller, a psychotherapist and social worker, developed the Stages of Adaption from her work with parents of children with disabilities. Understanding the stages and where we are in them can help us navigate our new world and not feel quite so alone in it. The 4 Stages of Adaptation are: Survival, Searching, Settled In, and Separating.

Stage 1: Survival

Common emotions parents and caregivers experience in this stage are denial, anxiety, and fear. We are learning the rules of the game and finding out who’s on our team. Our social groups often change, and we lose friends simply by being on a different life path. In this stage, we cycle through a pattern of plan, fix, reassess, plan, fix, reassess, etc. Attempting to fix our emotions, we believe when we find the answer, everything will get better. For me, planning is my go-to for dealing with stress. As long as I am planning, there is hope for everything to be okay and I can avoid dealing with my feelings. Denial sounds like “My life won’t have to change. I won’t have to adjust my expectations.” And so, we don’t change what we do or how we do it and continue in denial. Anxiety asks “Can I handle it? What’s coming my way next?” Anxiety, in the right dose, can be helpful. If someone has no anxiety, they usually have no motivation. But when anxiety gets too high, it turns into despair and causes paralysis. An anxiety level that allows us to be highly motivated is the sweet spot. This is where we can dream again and engage in action. Fear triggers the fight in us, always looking for who or what we will have to fight for our child’s best?

Stage 2: Searching

Emotions include guilt, shame, depression, and anger. I find myself repeating, “This isn’t the way things were supposed to be.” Searching can be inward where we question what our child’s disability says about us and outward where we question what it says about our child. Guilt is a normal feeling that causes us to ask ourselves what did we do wrong, did we miss something, what can we do now. It’s when we hang onto the guilt and carry it around that it weighs us down. When I am weighed down by guilt, I say things like “If I was a good mom, I would….” And “I should be able to do…. like all the other moms.” Mom guilt is real! Shame is a form of self-loathing. Shame says there is something wrong with me to make my child like this. Dads tend to experience shame more. Brene Brown writes, “Parenting is a shame and judgement minefield.” Shame tends to come from fear of judgement or self-judgement. Depression can happen in this stage because reality is hitting us. We see the long road we and our child have in front of us and we’re not sure we can do it and sometimes we’re not sure if we want to. Anger is depicted as blowing up, raging, or throwing things, but more often it looks like blame. We control the outbursts but focus our anger on who we think is to blame and direct our anger there. When we see our kids having value and meaning as they are, our anger and comparison decrease because we aren’t trying to measure up to anyone or anything anymore.

Stage 3: Settled In

This is the stage we want to get to. Emotions experienced in this stage are hope and acceptance. We are more balanced in this stage. We might still be looking for an answer, but our hope does not depend on it. We are okay either way. In our families, hope looks like finding meaning in the life our children are living and finding meaning in our own life. Hope is a result of struggle. We have to do hard things in order to believe that we can do hard things. Struggles produce lessons learned useful for the continuing journey we are on. Acceptance is understanding and being okay with where we are. Through encouragement and building community around us and pointing each other towards possibilities, we are able to move toward acceptance. The challenger to acceptance is change- change in our season of life, change in diagnosis, change in progress from a setback. Here we are threatened again in survival mode and searching for answers. But when we have done it a few times, we can move more quickly through the stages, coming back to acceptance.

Stage 4: Separating

This stage is about finding the appropriate amount of independence. It is important as we move toward the transition of our children becoming adults. We need to encourage our children from a young age to have a picture of what the future might look like for them. Struggling to separate ourselves from our child sounds like “We have an appointment.” Or “We have a procedure next week.” Or “We have homework tonight.” It is easy to connect our identity to our child and their disability. It is important to remember that we have other roles such as spouse or significant other, parent to another child, friend, and unique individual. All of these roles in our life demand our attention and energy if we are to stay healthy.

Learning the Stages of Adaptation helps me see where I am and where I’ve been. It shows me the progress our family has made. It gives me a sense of belonging knowing that others have had these experiences too. I go easier on myself when I find myself back at survival, again. I am encouraged to keep dreaming. It helps me adjust my expectation of what a “good” life is. Instead of always trying to change things, I appreciate what I can and focus on what I have. And I am thankful for that.

By Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

May 28, 2024

My child was never officially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Partly due to their age (under 21) and partly because insurance companies didn’t like that diagnosis. I was told there was a lot of stigma around Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and no treatment for it. Only the symptoms such as anxiety, depression, or impulsivity could be treated with medication. Dialectical Behavior Therapy was effective but not a “guaranteed fix” which is what insurances like to cover. Some doctors who saw BPD on a patient’s chart automatically assumed there was no hope for that patient. I appreciated the protection the doctors and therapists were trying to give our child, the chance to have hope and unbiased treatment. But I hated playing the insurance game and hiding because of stigma. My thought was, “If they have BPD, list it as a diagnosis.” If our child had a rare form of cancer, doctors wouldn’t think twice about putting it in their chart. Stigma does not get changed by hiding from it. It gets changed by being open and honest and authentic.

While our child was in a residential treatment program, we took a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) class, Family to Family. I remember reading the symptoms and characteristics of BPD. Every single one fit. Learning about BPD helped me to have hope (the opposite of the medical world.) It helped me make sense of why our child was constantly having new symptoms and problems. Throughout their teen years, they expressed struggling with Trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder), eating disorders, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal ideation, self-harm, insomnia, alcohol and drug addiction, and so on. What I saw as their parent was problems with impulsivity, defiance, oppositional behavior, black and white thinking, manipulation, having to have it their way, lying, trouble keeping friends and maintaining relationships, holding grudges, not following the rules, blaming others, arguing, being defensive, and extreme emotions. Learning about BPD helped me to not blame myself or my parenting, have more understanding and compassion for what they were going through, recognize the difficulty and confusion of living with BPD, learn how to not escalate things, look for targeted therapies, and not feel so alone by relating to other parents’ experiences raising a child with BPD.

I brought a lot of misconceptions I had learned about parenting and life in general into my adult life and role as parent. I thought that if I did everything right, things would turn out right. I thought I could parent in a “right” way that would keep my child from experiencing pain. I also thought that if I was a “good” parent, my child would not misbehave. I believed that one wrong move could change the course of their life forever and ruin everything. I questioned if I was doing the right things and making the right decisions. I thought I could fix things and control outcomes. By always trying to fix situations and people, I inadvertently gave my child the message that they couldn’t handle hard things. I struggled setting firm boundaries when often that led to extreme emotions and behaviors. I fought the urge not to rock the boat when things were going smoothly. The phrase “walking on eggshells” is often used to describe living with or parenting someone with BPD. It wasn’t until our child was in treatment that I realized how fearful I was and how the effects of mental illness impacted my life.

I listened to a webinar recently titled Embracing Your Own Path and Recovery While Supporting Family Members in Theirs. It touched on the idea that everyone in the family or household is part of the Family’s Mental Health Story, with each person responsible for their own recovery (or wellness) journey. While I thought the fact that I couldn’t change anyone else was defeating, I learned I CAN change myself, empowering me to begin working on me. My family found ourselves focusing all our energy and attention solely on the family member struggling the most. But each member of the family plays a role. My health, mental and physical, is just as important as my child’s. I need to practice healthy coping skills and self-care also. I can impact what is going on in my home by looking at what I’m contributing and what I can change (hint-only myself). I can be aware of how I show up for my child and my family. And if I don’t like what I see, I can work on and take care of myself so I can show up as my best self. I can offer myself and others grace when we struggle. I can acknowledge and accept that life is messy. Probably the best tool I have learned is forgiveness for myself and others, believing that when we know better, we do better.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

May 21, 2024

Generated by AI, Edited by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

May 7, 2024

Strategies for Enhancing Mental Health in Children

In the complex landscape of mental health, resilience stands out as a beacon of hope and strength. For children dealing with mental health challenges, cultivating resilience is key. Resilience equips children with the ability to navigate adversity, bounce back from setbacks, and thrive despite life's inevitable challenges. As a mom of two fabulous children with mental health challenges, I often feel unequipped to help them navigate these challenges. If I had a magic wand and could, “poof,” free them from their mental health struggles, I would. I would give anything to take away their pain and my hurt that comes from watching my kids go through that pain. The following are tangible skills our kids can learn to increase resilience. Resilience in turn fosters their capacity for emotional well-being and success.

Resilience is not a fixed trait but rather a dynamic process influenced by various factors, including genetics, environment, and personal experiences. At its core, resilience encompasses the capacity to adapt positively in the face of adversity. Demonstrating resilience through adversity is not about avoiding stress or hardship, but rather about learning to cope effectively and grow stronger as a result. Children who possess resilience are better equipped to navigate challenges, form healthy relationships, and pursue their goals with determination and optimism.

Building Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy:

A fundamental aspect of resilience-building in children with mental health challenges is fostering self-esteem and self-efficacy. Positive self-esteem provides a solid foundation for resilience, enabling children to maintain a sense of self-worth and confidence in their abilities. Encouraging children to recognize their strengths, celebrate their achievements, and embrace their uniqueness helps bolster self-esteem. Similarly, promoting self-efficacy—the belief in one's ability to achieve goals—empowers children to tackle challenges with a sense of agency and optimism.

Cultivating Social Support Networks:

Social support plays a crucial role in nurturing resilience in children with mental health challenges. Strong, supportive relationships with family members, friends, teachers, and other trusted individuals provide a buffer against stress and adversity. Encouraging children to cultivate meaningful connections and seek help when needed fosters a sense of belonging and security. Helping children learn effective communication and interpersonal skills enhances their ability to navigate social interactions and build supportive relationships. I have found help with this through individual and family therapy.

Developing Coping Skills:

Equipping children with effective coping skills is essential for resilience-building. Coping skills empower children to manage stress, regulate emotions, and adapt to change constructively. Teaching children mindfulness techniques, relaxation exercises, and problem-solving strategies equips them with valuable tools for managing challenging situations. Additionally, encouraging healthy lifestyle habits such as regular exercise, adequate sleep, and nutritious diet promotes overall well-being and resilience. Other coping skills can include hobbies, music, art, talking to someone, labeling feelings, reading, asking for help, journaling, spending time with friends, or playing with a pet.

Fostering Emotional Regulation:

Emotional regulation is a cornerstone of resilience, enabling children to navigate intense emotions without becoming overwhelmed. Teaching children to identify and label their emotions, express themselves constructively, and regulate their reactions fosters emotional resilience. Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing exercises and guided imagery, can help children cultivate awareness of their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Creating a safe and supportive environment where children feel comfortable expressing their feelings without fear of judgment is essential for emotional resilience. Counselors, teachers, pastors, and support groups often provide this.

Encouraging Growth Mindset:

Instilling a growth mindset in children with mental health challenges is instrumental in fostering resilience. A growth mindset emphasizes the belief that intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort and perseverance. Encouraging children to embrace challenges, learn from failure, and persist in the face of setbacks cultivates resilience. By reframing setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning, children develop resilience-building attitudes that empower them to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals. I have heard it said, “If you’re not failing, you’re not growing.”

Promoting Meaningful Engagement:

Engaging children in activities that align with their interests, passions, and values creates a sense of purpose and resilience. Whether through sports, arts, hobbies, or community service, meaningful engagement provides children with opportunities to develop skills, build confidence, and connect with others. Encouraging children to pursue activities that bring them joy and fulfillment nurtures their resilience and fosters a sense of agency and purpose.

In the journey of navigating mental health challenges, resilience serves as a guiding light, illuminating the path towards healing and growth. By empowering children with the skills and attitudes to bounce back from adversity, we can help them thrive despite the challenges they face. Through building self-esteem, cultivating social support networks, developing coping skills, fostering emotional regulation, encouraging a growth mindset, and promoting meaningful engagement, we can equip our children with the resilience they need to navigate life's ups and downs with strength and resilience.

by Beth Ayers, Family Peer Support Lead
March 19, 2024

Recovery or resiliency stories are powerful and important. They do a few things: 1. Connect us to the peers we are working with, 2. Give value to the unique perspective our lived experience brings to the table, 3. Show the importance and effectiveness of peer support. According to Montana’s Peer Network’s Peer Support Training, our recovery or resiliency story is “at the heart of the work we do in peer support. It is important that, as peer supporters, we understand our own process of recovery or resiliency. We need to be comfortable enough to speak about our own journey with others. Being able to describe our experience in a concise and hopeful manner is important. We want to tell our recovery [and resiliency] journey in a way that will inspire or provide a sense of hope to those still struggling.” A recovery or resiliency story “lets those you work with know you really do understand how difficult it can be. And how to overcome challenges. This is your greatest strength as a peer supporter.” Whether we are Behavioral Health Peer Supporters or Family Peer Supporters, it is important to share our story with a peer as it relates to them. They are the focus. Sharing our story is a useful tool to build connection and engage with your peer.

Here is my story.

I grew up in a home with hidden but active addiction where problems were only problems if you talked about them. Outside help was unwelcomed and unneeded. For as long as I can remember I was unhappy and was told I had no reason to be. When I felt sad or empty or hurting, I was constantly being told:

• It’s not that big of a deal
• It’s nothing to get so upset about
• You have a good life, what’s there to be sad about
• Stop overreacting, it’s not that bad
• You have so much to be grateful for

And so, I tried everything to feel better, to feel happy, to feel whole. I was always searching. As a kid, I tried perfectionism, people pleasing, straight A’s, popularity. In high school it was smoking, drinking, shoplifting, skipping school, partying, relationships, drugs, reckless behavior, cutting. When I had kids and a family I went with the more socially acceptable ones: control, blame, anger, comparison, back to perfectionism, being the best, doing it all, drinking wine, checking out. I reasoned that if I just did everything right, I would feel better. As I parent, I thought if I did everything right my kids would be okay. And through it all, I felt so alone, surrounded caring, loving people who just didn’t get it. I continuously reached out but didn’t have the vocabulary to describe what was going on in me or how I was feeling.

I remember sitting in my pastor’s office, at the age of 30. I was overwhelmed. I was irritable. I was tired. I wanted to leave my family. I was so angry. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was done. I was meeting with her to figure out how to feel better. What I could do. What I was missing. Thankfully she recognized the symptoms and said it sounded like depression and referred me to my doctor. And now I had a word to describe it. I started medication. Now I didn’t have to try so hard to just live. Finally, I was starting on level ground. I went to support groups. Here were people who put words to my feelings, who spoke my language, who told my story, who shared my experiences. And now I wasn’t alone. I had people who had been there, had done that, and who had a different way to live and were willing to share it all with me.

As my children grew, they began struggling with their mental health. I was thrown into a world I knew nothing about. I didn’t know what decisions to make or even what questions to be asking. I felt helpless and alone. I felt judged as a parent. I always felt one step behind and would say to myself, “I wish I knew then what I know now.” I hated feeling like I was trying harder than anyone else and I hated the thought of my children struggling. I often felt that all was hopeless. Advocating for my children was a full-time job. There were multiple appointments weekly and constant dealings with the school. My child was unwell, my family was unwell, and I was unwell. I was focusing all my time and energy on their wellness and their treatment and their needs. So much so that I didn’t even realize how it was affecting me. Again, I went to support groups and found rooms full of parents that knew exactly what I was going through. Who I could cry with and laugh with. Who accepted me and supported me as I was. Who shared with me their stories and their tools. I found individual and family therapy helpful. I also began exercising, which gave me a routine and stability and a way to focus on something other than what was happening at home.

Now, as a peer supporter, I bring my unique lived experience to the table. I get to be for my peer what I wished I had had. I help the peer find vocabulary to explain what they are feeling and experiencing. I help them navigate unfamiliar systems with unfamiliar language. I offer emotional support from someone who understands, who has walked in their shoes. I give hope. Recovery is possible, for us and those we love. We can be resilient. I am living well, and they can too. I bring mutuality with no judgement. Instead of outside looking in, I am inside with them looking out. In my experience, the professionals help me, the peer gets me. As peer supporters, we get to help others find wellness, recovery, and wholeness.

by Beth Ayers
February 27, 2024

Maintaining friendships while raising children with mental health challenges has been hard for me. I have narrowed down my list of “friends,” keeping those who could support me without judgement through extremely challenging times. I have also come to appreciate friends who are willing to say the hard things out of love that I need to hear. I deeply appreciate others who share in my lived experience and just “get it.” My own comparison and self-pity have caused me to keep some friends at a distance. The stigma associated with mental illness kept me silent about what my family was going through. And the stress of caring for my child, seeking out services, attending multiple appointments weekly, and emotional exhaustion left me little time to devote to my friendships.

In the early years of raising children, my friends were moms at playgroup, moms whose kids were in the same grade and school as mine, or moms of the friends my child played with. Additionally, I became closer with my friends who were also having and raising children. We would talk about our kids, share parenting advice, and encourage each other that this stage we were in wouldn’t last forever. My biggest frustration was taking home parenting techniques that others swore by and have them not work for my child. It was also easy to compare milestones and worry when my child didn’t do what all the other kids were doing. I put pressure on myself to have the child that listened and didn’t get into trouble, or at least not have the one that misbehaved the worst! I still have a few friends from this time in my life. Our kids are now 19 years old, and it seems impossible they were ever little.

I never felt very close to my child’s classmates’ parents. The ones I chatted with when dropping off my child at their house to play or picking them up from school. The ones I sat with during all the seasons of soccer practice and games. Soccer, which by the way, has a fall season AND a spring season and there is usually snow on the ground for both. I would suggest choosing a sport for your Kindergartner that is offered only once a year or is played indoors. These friendships rarely moved past our kids and when the sport season or school year was over, I didn’t keep in touch with them.

My child maintained some close friends throughout school, and I developed friendships with some of their parents. It was always awkward when a mom and I were close and our kids quit liking each other. This seemed to happen quite often in middle school. During my child’s 8^th grade graduation ceremony, I sat next to a mom I was close friends with while our children ignored each other or shot glaring looks at each other and us. We decided that just because our children weren’t friends didn’t mean we had to stop being friends. As our kids grew, though, these parent friendships became hard for me. The conversations about updates on our kids or questions they would ask were hard for me. I didn’t know how to answer truthfully and still honor my child’s privacy. I also didn’t realize how simple questions about the usual course of life our kids take can be hurtful for parents whose kids’ lives didn’t take that course. Questions about prom or driver’s licenses, graduation or work or college, reminded me that my child wasn’t experiencing these things. Instead of joy, I felt sad that my dreams for my child weren’t being realized. I wished my biggest worry was prom dresses or college options. I was just trying to keep my child alive and decide on what sort of treatment to try next. It was hard for me to maintain these friendships without comparing my life with theirs and feeling sorry for myself. I have come to realize that there are more families whose lives don’t follow the norm than do. Often times we don’t see behind the curtains of social media posts or polite conversations. I have had to let go of the friendships, through no fault of the other parent, that keep me stuck in self-pity and jealousy.

Mental illness is a tricky subject. We don’t talk openly about it whether out of stigma, fear of judgement, trying to keep the other person’s privacy, or not wanting to explain that mental illness isn’t bad parenting. (And yes, I put my child in enough social activities, and yes, I have tried whatever parenting program you’re suggesting, thanks for asking.) I know everyone means well and I know that until you have or know someone who has a mental illness, it is hard to understand. Our “fix” reflex comes from love and wanting to help, and our society has a low tolerance for sitting with others in their pain. I didn’t feel like I could share my story because it involved so many details of my child’s story and my child was very private. Not sharing with my church family was particularly hard. I would have loved to ask for prayer or receive a casserole when my child was in the hospital. At one point, my child and the child of a couple in my Sunday School class were actually in the same hospital unit at the same time. And we didn’t know because mental illness wasn’t talked about. Here was a missed opportunity to walk with other parents who knew exactly what we were going through and support each other. That seemed so ridiculous to me. In fact, a fellow parent and I began a Mental Health Friends Network at our church to spread awareness and stop the stigma of mental illness. Our campaign slogan was, “Mental illness is a casserole illness, too!”

I had a few close friends I confided in, knowing they would keep things confidential. After all, I needed support too. These close friends walked with me down dark roads, held my hand and cried with me, listened without fixing or judging, and were there for me and my family through the hard years. I could be honest about my feelings of failure, frustration, self-pity, fear, grief, and resentment. I could also celebrate with them when things were going well at home or when my child was feeling healthy, knowing my friends were sincerely happy for me. And I could also be happy for them when they had great things happen in their lives or with their children. And I could support them when their lives were hard. These friends loved me enough to express their worries or offer altering points of view or tell me when my thinking was off. Whether I agreed or not, I trusted they had my best interest at heart and was able to hear them without getting defensive. They also loved my child and were there for everyone in my family. These are the real friendships I continue to be grateful for and cherish to this day.

by Beth Ayers

February 15, 2024

While raising children with behavioral health challenges, many of my relationships became strained. Some due to stress, others to comparison and self-pity, and a lot from feeling alone and misunderstood. The most important relationships impacted were my marriage, my relationship with my child, and my support network.

My husband and I had been married for 9 years when mental health began to serious affect our child’s health and our family’s life. Parenting in general can cause tension between couples. Being on the same page as each other, having similar parenting styles and values, agreeing on consequences, communicating effectively, and supporting each other are all things I have found important in raising children with my husband. And all things I have had to learn and work on. Every family has their struggles and goes through ups and downs. Through trying times, I was able to turn to my parents, friends, and other moms for support. When my difficulty became more than common parenting challenges but parenting a child with behavioral health needs, those relationships shifted and the way I needed to be supported changed. My husband and I had been going to marriage counseling. I had been attending Al-Anon meetings. I had made friends with other moms with kids in the same grade as mine. I was part of a church community and Sunday school class. My loving and supportive parents lived close by.

When we discovered our child was self-harming, we had no clue who to turn to. I didn’t know anyone who had dealt with this with their children. We called our counselor, who had also been seeing our child for a short time after teachers expressed concern. He suggested talking in a safe environment, asking what was going on and how we could help. When that didn’t work, the counselor went with us to the ER to have our child evaluated. Behavioral health, mental illness, and psychiatric hospitals were not things I was familiar with. I didn’t know what decisions to make, what questions to ask, or how to help my child. My husband and I found ourselves on an emotional rollercoaster and didn’t know where it was taking us or how to make it stop. Our child was admitted into the youth in-patient psychiatric center, and we went home heartbroken, panicked, exhausted, and unsure if we had done the right thing.

I called my 3 closest friends. They were as shocked as I was. I remember one praying with me over the phone and how comforting that was. The next day we went for visiting time and met with the case worker. The whole process was unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I had to leave my coat, cell phone, keys, and purse in a locker. I signed in and was given a visitor’s badge, buzzed through the wide double doors, walked down the long hallway pass children in the day program, and buzzed into the ward. My parents also visited. This was all new to them, too. If our youngest child was with us, we would meet in the common area with supervision. Our child asked us to contact her friends’ parents and ask if the friends could call her. I called, explained the situation and the request, and none of the friends called. I don’t blame the parents or kids. I’m not sure I would have wanted my child to call a friend in the psychiatric hospital. Not knowing any better, I probably would have also discouraged their friendship. What I, and a lot of people, thought of as “bad behavior” was actually mental illness. And mental illness isn’t contagious. If our child had been in the hospital with cancer or a burst appendix, friends and parents and all who cared for us would have visited and called. We would have asked openly for prayers at church. Casseroles would have been delivered. The stigma of mental illness kept us quiet and friends away.

We continued raising our child through high school with many more hospital stays, challenges, and healing. During that time, it was hard for me to see the grade school friends, now distant, out with their parents, going to prom, working at their first job, and getting their learner’s permit. I saw other parents doing things with their kids that I had dreamed I would be doing with mine. I compared my life with others’ social media posts and felt alone, sad, and sorry for myself. We told very few people, even my grandparents and aunts and uncles didn’t know. Close friends who I could be honest with didn’t know how to respond. I often heard “I’m sure it’s only a phase.”, “Did you put them in enough activities when they were young?”, and “Maybe what you both need is a day to relax or a family vacation.” My well-meaning friends were also unfamiliar with mental illness and wanted to treat it like a bad mood or bad parenting. Their desire to fix or say the right thing to make me feel better left me feeling misunderstood and isolated. The chronic stress and constant battles of raising a child with any extra medical needs is exhausting and can affect parents’ mental health, physical health, work, and home life. I spent so much time making appointments, driving to appointments, waiting in waiting rooms, fighting for services, learning all I could about mental illness and how to be a better parent, researching treatments and resources, and trying to care for and not fight with my child, I had little time or energy for my marriage. Worrying about my child often came out as anger towards my husband or irritability at everything. It was hard to remember we were on the same team in a house at war. I felt overwhelmed and unsupported. My parents were always supportive in their own way and loved all of us. I found it hard to make different choices for my child than they made for me without defending myself or criticizing them. They loved me, their daughter. But they also fiercely loved their grandchild and would do anything they could to help, even if it meant going against me. I felt hurt and angry.

I have found relationships involve hard work, vulnerability, the risk of being hurt or let down, uncomfortable conversations, honest feelings, acceptance, forgiveness, and healing. They are ever evolving. They come and go depending on what season of life I’m in. They are important to me. Some of the relationships I had I no longer have. Some have grown for the better. Some are still strained. Some are stronger. Some are new. All have been changed by mental illness.

by  Beth Ayers, Family Peer Support Lead

January 9, 2024

It is time to let your voice be heard! There are 2 opportunities in January to give public comment advocating for Family Peer Support.

The MT Family Peer Support Task Force & Steering Committee worked tirelessly last year to develop professional standards for Family Peer Supporters. Unlike other states, Family Peer Supporters in MT work with parents/caregivers of children with ANY special healthcare need, including behavioral health. Attached is an overview of the professional standards that will be recommended for Family Peer Supporters in MT. Now it is time to focus our efforts on certification and funding. There is an advocacy opportunity on January 18, 2024. (Details are included below.)

Children, Families, Health & Human Services (CFHHS) Interim Committee

• Overview: The CFHHS Interim Committee studies relevant issues and develops proposed legislation for the next legislative session. The 2023-2024 CFHHS Interim Committee has specified Family Peer Support as part of their work plan. This is great news and means that the committee wants to explore how Family Peer Support can be expanded in Montana!
• When: Thursday, January 18^th, 8am-6pm
• Where: Helena, Capitol Room 137
• Agenda:
  • Family Peer Support will be given 1 hour in January’s agenda. The committee will hear from a panel first, take public comment second, and third, legislators will have the opportunity to ask the panel questions. Our goal at this meeting is to present the model of Family Peer Support and the incredible value it brings to families raising children with special healthcare needs including mental health and substance use disorder. We are looking to the 2025 Legislative Session to pass a certification bill along with funding for Family Peer Support. We are hoping the interim committee will recommend a bill for this and a legislator or two will agree to sponsor the bill.
• How to submit public comment:
  • Written testimony
    • There is no deadline, but to ensure committee members receive written comments in their meeting packets, submit your comments by Thursday, January 11^th at 5pm.
  • Via Zoom
    • You must register by Wednesday, January 17^th at 5pm.
  • In-Person
    • Simply show up to Capitol Room 137 on Thursday, January 18^th! The committee will call for public comment (see agenda once posted to know when) and you will have the opportunity to speak.
• Learn more

Tips for preparing public comment:

1. Write down what you want to say.
2. Plan for 1-2 minutes in case they limit your time.
3. Make every word powerful.
4. Use personal anecdotes—stories pull at heartstrings.
5. You may bring your child when you speak in-person if it is appropriate. Helping legislators to connect faces of families to their work is important.

 Talking Points

• Family Peer Support provides peer to peer support to the family of a child with a special health care need so the family can be supported in caring for their child and navigating their unique needs.
• These services can reduce a family’s feelings of isolation and guilt and increase protective factors against chronic stress.
• Family Peer Support provides support for early intervention, diagnosis, and treatment services, reducing the risk of substance use and improving health outcomes.
• Family Peer Support provides uninterrupted care during transitions, which helps cover gaps in services and provide access to after-hours support, reducing the use of crisis services.
• These services can meet the needs of families in communities across the state, including urban, rural, frontier, and tribal lands.
• SAMHSA included Family Peer Support in their recently published National Model Standards for Peer Support Certification

• Certification establishes training and credentialing standards for Family Peer Support. This is important to provider offices hiring Family Peer Supporters.
• Training and standards increase the safety and well-being of the family and the Family Peer Supporter.
• Funding is necessary to grow the Family Peer Support workforce and to have the service reliably available in medical clinics and agencies across MT that service children with increased medical needs and their families.
• 38 other states already have state certification for Family Peer Support. As of 2019, 33 states have Medicaid funding for Family Peer Support.

Why engage in public comment? 

Public comment from parents, caregivers and advocates is a powerful tool. Having a child with extra medical needs of any kind can cause families chronic stress and feelings of isolation, guilt, and a myriad of other challenging emotions. Having someone to walk beside those families who has “been there” themselves is invaluable. The empathy, support, and connection of a Family Peer Supporter is unique and life changing. Please add your voice to our cause in advancing this critical service in Montana!

Please reach out to Beth with any questions.