by Ty LaFountain, Recovery Support Cordinator

October 8, 2024

In recognition of Train Your Brain Day on October 13^th, I would like to share one of my secrets that I keep in my toolbox and have incorporated them into my Wellness Recovery Action Plan as something that I must do on a daily basis. This is not something that I have made up or can claim any credit for, but merely a tool that was shown to me early in my recovery that I have continued to do for years.

As a person in long-term recovery from both mental health and substance use disorders(co-occurring), I definitely struggle with some of my thoughts, feelings and actions. Most of these are based on past experiences that I have had. Studies show that our past experiences in situations play a huge role in how we react in similar situations today. Things that have happened in our life create neuropathways; those neuropathways are created by what’s called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the brain’s capacity to continue growing and evolving in response to life experiences. Studies also show that neuroplasticity is at its highest at earlier stages of our lives. Meaning that our childhood experiences play a large role in how we will think, feel and act in certain situations as well as certain core beliefs we may develop. The more positive experiences throughout childhood the more positive ways we react in situations today and vise versa, the more negative childhood experiences we had the more negatively we respond in similar situations today.

Early childhood experiences like my mother having Multiple Sclerosis and being in a vegetative state after I was born and my father being mostly absent throughout my early childhood formed early childhood beliefs that I was unlovable and not good enough. As this continued throughout my life, as a negative core belief, every time something happened in my life to reaffirm these feelings of being unlovable and not good enough, the neuropathways got stronger. I like to think of neuropathways like a dirt road, the more you drive in the same spots, the deeper the ruts, the more pronounced the road becomes. The same with neuropathways, the more they are traveled on, or the more those pathways are activated, the more pronounced they become. So, every time I sat on my porch waiting for my father who never came, and the more I was not comforted in those situations the more it was embedded in my brain that I was unlovable and not good enough. The more this happened the more I believed this would happen in every situation, and I slowly withdrew from people and found my comfort in other things like substances.

Fast forward 20-30 years and look at how those experiences affect my thoughts, feelings and actions today. When I am scheduled to meet someone at a specific time and they are late, as I sit there and wait my brain automatically takes me to that place that I am unlovable and not good enough and this person is most likely not going to show up. The longer that time goes by, the more I subconsciously shutdown and am that kid sitting on the porch waiting for dad to show up, and although my neuroplasticity isn’t what it once was, that same pathway deepens just a little. If that person cancels or does not show, the neuropathway of being unlovable and not good enough gets a little bit deeper.

If this is the case and my feelings, thoughts and emotions are all guided by past experiences then what’s the point? Am I just doomed to this life of feeling unlovable and not good enough?

There is hope! That hope lies in the form of neuroplasticity. Although, not what it once was, we still have neuroplasticity, meaning our brains are still capable of growing and evolving based on life experiences. There are many different types of therapy and techniques that we can use today in order to start to rewire our brain to build new neuropathways. Some of those include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR). These therapy methods focus on taking our negative core beliefs, looking at them and how they were formed and using different techniques and tools to help change those to positive core beliefs that create positive outcomes and actions. Just as with our negative experiences, we must do this over and over, the more we drive down that same road, the deeper the ruts, the more pronounced that road becomes. Those ruts get so deep that soon, we don’t even need to hold the wheel, the car just follows the grooves on its own.

So, what are some tools that I use today? Every morning when I sit down to drink my coffee, I write down three things that I am grateful for today and three positive affirmations about myself. After I have written out my list, I say each one out loud to myself three times. “I am lovable, I am lovable, I am lovable.” This can sometimes be done in front of a mirror, which is thought to be more effective. This begins the process of creating new neuropathways of I am lovable and other positive beliefs to replace the negative beliefs I have been telling myself my entire life. There are different versions of this, I have heard of the 3x3x30. This method is the same concept only you are picking three affirmations that you will tell yourself three times a day for thirty days. After those thirty days you will change your 3x3x30. This is also something that I try to practice throughout the day. Anytime that I have a negative thought, I turn it into a positive, or I may say that thought out loud which takes the power out of it and then I replace it with a positive thought out loud. Notice how I said, I try!” I am not perfect at this, and it takes a lot of practice, time and grace. I did not build these negative thought patterns in one day and I will not change them in one day. I have to give myself grace.

This is just one of the many tools that I use today. It is the one that I do every day, and I believe has really changed my life. I can always tell if I miss a day or sometimes even a couple days. Once again, I am not perfect, I do miss days, sometimes consecutively. And I start to realize I am getting in a negative head space and not being grateful for my surroundings, I take an inventory of myself, and I promptly work to correct my behavior. Once again, this is merely a tool that works for me, that does not mean it works for everybody. Play with it, mold it to fit your life and your recovery. A couple of other tools that I use are ones I mentioned earlier; CBT, REBT, and I have recently started EMDR Therapy with my counselor. One of my favorite tools to use, not just for myself but the people that I am supporting, is SMART Recovery. SMART Recovery uses a mixture of CBT and REBT to help rewire the brain. Once again, there is no one pathway to recovery. If one doesn’t work for you, try something else. There are infinite pathways to recovery.

by Nikki Russell, CBHPSS
March 19, 2024

My story is under eternal construction; another layer reveals itself as soon as I assemble it. Writing my recovery story is compelling and something I would like to present in a way that an audience would understand transformation. I immediately reverted to childhood, to one of my saddest moments, and began from there. I revisit emotional wounds that blend into this NOW moment and start composing. I realize the pattern of my life as I attempt not to retraumatize and dull the harsh edges of my traumatic childhood. I retell the same sad story I have uttered thousands of times, one that imprisoned me in unworthiness.

My first lesson in writing came from my therapist, who used narrative therapy, where I documented my past and became an expert in my own life. I had constructed stories that showed my unworthiness and influenced how I saw myself. I observed my life in this exercise, writing it as an on-looker. I could see this person as a characteristic of trauma, somebody I had created not to feel pain; her name is Gertrude. Some of Gertrude's patterns would take years of writing to unravel because they were so engrained that I could not separate them from myself. I learned a lesson in writing that inspired change and would become an instrument of healing in my life.

I had a mountain of journals when I entered recovery. I spent hours writing about the things I was unwilling to change. My journals had my deepest and darkest secrets; they held the pain of my past that regulated my current life. Step four of Alcoholics Anonymous taught me a new way to write. It recommends taking a personal inventory and conducting a fact-finding and fact-facing process. My sponsor told me to pray and meditate before I write, to put my pen on the paper, and to write until I lift the pen off the page. This process influenced a higher power to join me in writing, rather than Gertrude writing alone to ease the discomfort. I wrote for weeks, thinking about all the people I had resentment against and how it affected me. It was a systematic form of writing; I was not to believe, only pray and write. I could feel the weight of the world slowly lifting off my shoulders. This writing technique taught me that writing my story can connect me to something bigger than myself, and when I let that take over, my life transforms.

Meditation and journaling were my recovery routine. I would wake up at 5 am every morning to start my day. After a few years of this practice, one morning, I began writing, but it wasn't me; something was reaching through me as the words poured onto the page. I recognized my pen was not the instrument of a message, but it was I. Reading what I had written on paper but reading it for the first time was an awe-inspiring experience. I researched what had transpired and learned that automatic writing is a form of channeling where you allow a higher power to guide your words. Looking back through my healing process, I expanded my consciousness and cultivated creativity through meditation and writing. Automatic writing began a new path of spiritual exploration that led me home. Being in the flow of writing is what some call a runners-high; you lose yourself in the process, and something beyond the physical person takes over. The automatic writing technique combines being the observer, which I learned in narrative therapy, and systematic writing, which I learned in my fourth step of AA.

It's all about patience, precision, and trust; honing a skill can sometimes take a lifetime, and we may only understand the process once it all comes together. At that moment, you realize the reason everything happened in the exact order it was meant to. Today, I utilize all three forms of writing; they offer different perspectives at different points in my life. As I pondered my "under-construction" recovery story, a poem came to me; when I finished and read it through, I recognized my life as the recovery journey meant to be told through me, not from me.

See, I will tell you a sad story and patterns from my past, but a higher self sees potential and creates poetry from trauma.

Breaking Free

It is hard to break free

Mentally,

Once your THERE the damage is done

The destined path; unsung.

Society blames you for not conforming,

Being your own person breaks norming.

Alcohol and drugs free the pain,

but your soul cannot be tamed.

A mental health disorder labels this disdain

that keeps you trapped without a flame.

The prognosis is grim, and the ache remains

as recovery whispers your name.

Healing is only a dream

as you are enslaved mentally.

Through the prison bars, you try with all your might

to see the sun that's lost its light.

Convincing your free,

you move around your cell willingly.

Hopes and dreams are told to you,

luring you to a sun that reflects the system.

To be truly free,

one must move beyond recovery.

Where the wild unknown unleashes truth,

but the world views you as aloof.

Remaining true, you break the chains of conformity.

Kicking and screaming, yet singing your song

Finally, ending up where you

Belong.

The sun, you realize, was a fluorescent light

that lit the path of society's expectations so bright.

At once, you turn around and finally see

the essence that is truly me.

Abandoned dreams that fueled this life

were internal voices screaming with strife.

They meant no harm, you see,

for they were reacting naturally.

The light that lives inside was buried in a hole

I was filling with external soul.

The journey unknown, I tread lightly

uncovering layers that suppressed my brightly.

Uniting with life creates a storm of emotion,

the system never taught to hear.

Their beliefs so loud, they planted them with fear.

Diving deeply inward I go, following the voice of my KNOW.

The shackles of life, trap me

when I believe in their destiny.

But there is a place within

an unlikely entrance to freedom.

Stand in your truth; let it be known

Use your voice and sit on your throne.

Listen to the echoes that blow in the wind

they are your truth from far within.

Looking through the window of the soul

I see the bars put there that kept me from being whole.

This truth holds the key,

for the sun always lived inside me.

Let it be known that shining bright is to stay true,

not to dismiss you.

An essence I discovered

you may believe to be untrue.

Yet, for me, I live this life beyond recovery

standing tall and empowered by all

who are breaking free

and living a life of integrity.

     -Nikki Russell

by Lea Wetzel, Family Peer Supporter
February 27, 2024

Growing up in a family of overachievers and natural-born leaders, allowed me to see what positive leadership can look like. Watching my grandpa Blackie Wetzel be such a humble person, set the tone for my dad and his siblings, to also be some amazing individuals too.

It wasn’t until I owned my own business at the young age of 19, that I realized that I too had some natural skills that gave me an edge over the competition.

Later in my addiction, I would use those same gifts for manipulation and tactics to get what I wanted to feed the addict ways in me.

It wasn’t that long after when I had some humbling experiences happen, that made me want to take a break from life. During that time, I got my second Blackfoot name Poonoakki, Elk Woman, and heard the stories and purpose behind my name.

I wouldn’t put that same spiritual transfer into action until I was ready to live in recovery. I learned through my kids getting their names that leadership has vines that go way back on both sides of my family. My family was one of the first business owners in the area where I live presently. Through my son’s Blackfoot name which translates to “Many Successes,” there were stories about the entrepreneurship that my mom's family comes from and is. Even going back as far as “The Heavy Runner Massacre,” there were heroes who led some great people into some historical circumstances.
Those gifts that I was born with, started to grow with the knowledge I was grasping. Within my workforce of peer support, consulting, speaking, and technical assistance I was starting to see the leadership and gifts that others had seen in me. I started believing in myself. My outside matched my inside fully.

I was asked to speak at a legislative session back in 2021 when I saw how leadership can drive advocacy, not just for what I felt and wanted to happen, but also for the good of others.

I have had some great mentors along the way that allowed me to see perspectives that I had never seen before. I put into action principles and practices that I truly believed in.

Practices that allow me to even view and change my person-driven ways.

For example, if I want to advocate and drive an initiative, I must first look at both sides of it. What is positive and what is negative? Also, is it drive because it’s about me, or is it drive that is about something that can benefit and is what’s best for more than just me?
Can it help “Big Picture” perspectives, and what can it all support? Is it just for the good of who I want it to help, or is it something that can progress and support the circle of life overall?

When we have gifts and are shared tidbits of knowledge, do we keep it for ourselves, for the good of us, or do we share it, so it can help others?

If the answer can support more than me and enhance the good of “Big Picture” initiatives, then I must move forward on it, because that is positive and great leadership.

If I get upset with a certain group, or person, is it okay for me to use my leadership to drive others to also not like that group or person? Maybe. If it’s to give awareness to prevent heartache or hurt, then sure, but I need to “Check” my thoughts and ways and remember that I am a person in recovery from co-occurring and I need to get insight always.

I will never be a “Catch all, do all,” because true leadership is “Checking” our intentions at the door. It’s learning to delegate and bring in others who can learn and grow too. If I am scouting for the good of others and to support others so I can look good, is that really leadership?

Feeling good about ourselves for our accomplishments is great! We should feel good about the hard work and dedication we have that drives our pain into passion, but “Tooting our own horn,” isn’t a positive attribute, if you ask me.

My dad was a person who never boasted about the positive things he did or the great initiatives and efforts he developed and was behind. He would never tell us about many achievements. He told my brother and me, “You let others talk you up, never boast about your accomplishments.” To this day, I still hear great things that he did, and many people in our family did because they didn’t talk themselves up.

True leadership is being about what you talk about, and what you say you believe in. Practicing what you preach and being on a forever ongoing growing and learning life. Never hit a level of “Mastery” because you’ll miss out on the true message and lessons in life. You’ll never catch the true knowledge-keepers boasting about themselves or leading people into something self-driven. They do what they can with their leadership to help and support what can help others, the land, water, animals, and all that’s in the Universe. True leaders are open to learning and listening.
When we are supporting others or speaking at a speaking engagement, are we using that platform to feel good about ourselves, or make ourselves look good? Are we doing it for some type of payoff?

It is good to know your worth and be paid for your time, but to utilize a platform to just make us look good, isn’t true leadership in my eyes. People will remember how you made them feel before they remember what you said. So, maybe if we speak and support others in a way where we take ourselves out of the picture and put those we are supporting or speaking to first, our outcomes might be more helpful and impactful.

Next time you are around a person who holds a position in leadership, listen and watch what they are about, and see if you can tell if they are behind something self-centered, or if they do care and want to help others, even when it doesn’t help themselves out.

We are humans, and humans aren’t perfect. Remembering that we are one spirit among a world of so many others can help us realize that life is bigger than just us.

Don’t get me wrong, one person can make a huge impact on the world, but looking at what we are doing and our intentions behind what we do, might help us decide do we want that impact to be about something positive, or, something negative.

I believe when our leadership gains a level where we don’t get something out of it, and we are doing something simply because it’s the right thing to do, we might have a better chance at having a more supportive world. When we can have practices that remind us to “Check” ourselves, we will have a better world, and we can share the skills and gifts we have to support and help others, and the next generation of leaders.

by Nikki Russell, CBHPSS

February 20, 2024

The ripple effect of kindness offers global and self-transformation. Acts of kindness can be as simple as a smile or as profound as a prayer. Sometimes, we know when the effect of our actions is received as kindness; other times, it encapsulates empathy and sends an energetic message that uplifts a broken heart. When I heal the past, I hold a higher capacity for kindness. Forgiveness is often explained as an internal peace that allows a person to move forward, not so the other can benefit, but rather self-healing. The healing process makes room for kindness; when I can show love to myself, it fills up an internal hollow space from which I pour kindness. Recovery cultivates kindness, reminding me that life, through all its difficulties, has a purity, an authenticity that chisels through layers of a facade, revealing the essence of life...heart.

The root of my hypervigilance is a search for kindness, which I find in the most unconventional spaces. When I show up for you, I must show up for me first. When I can show grace to the girl who feels unworthy within me, I have rehearsed kindness that reflects onto you. The choice to be kind takes intention, cultivating an internal environment, and the cognitive strength not to retreat to anger or frustration. When I acknowledge a person's humanity as the shared space of empathy, there is an acknowledgment of external imperfection that transcends social status. Amid the anger, a clarifying look, a soft touch, or a compassionate word can activate a remembering of each deed's intrinsic value...hope.

Cultivating compassion grows emotional well-being in a society that prioritizes material success over self-care. Busy schedules demand fast-paced movement that unleashes worry about the future. Worry and kindness are not allies; they can define our actions through personifying behaviors that match the emotion. Self-awareness is the capacity to tune into one's thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness activities like meditation and deep breathing allow self-kindness to echo into the world. Our actions show our internal environment and let us see where we need to heal. Showing compassion for ourselves entails noticing these not-so-pretty parts of ourselves and acknowledging and allowing imperfection to exist. Those parts of ourselves have much to say about the historical journey that brought us to this moment: compassion listens without judgment, encourages positive self-talk, and offers...acceptance.

Kindness is contagious; it ignites healing and guides recovery. It is always available and free. Acts of kindness are a deposit into integrity that has limitless potential for dreams. It offers another person insight into the highest human potential of goodness. I lived much of my life resenting those who hurt me because they were wounded. I always believed in the good that I saw in them but that they could not show me. Recovery allows me to collect the potential they had and channel it through me, restoring generations of trauma. I walk in the footprints of their potential, validating that recovery and beyond work. Generational trauma lives in the souls of those who rarely receive kindness without expecting something in return. Justice is a well-lived life, and acts of kindness are the judge of karma, giving the benefit of the doubt.

Kindness is the most profound truth of ourselves. It gives me insight into my internal health. When sovereignty meets imperfection, it illuminates a choice that shines through as inspiration and dances with connection. It welcomes vulnerability and unlocks the door to a self-made prison that reflects the potential that truth holds as essential. Kindness is the key to freedom and invites the most vital aspect of ourselves to the vast world of the unknown. Kindness exposes the most critical part of ourselves, the part I hide in the shadows because she will be judged. All emotions are valid and can be misjudged, yet kindness leads to increased happiness and lands us in this moment whispering...live.

My experience with random acts of kindness always gives me a surprising shot of joy. As the giver, I am always surprised at the expanded feeling of abundance. As the receiver, I feel valued and seen. Kindness is reciprocal and pays dividends unknown; what I offer up is returned twofold in gratitude. There are infinite possibilities for random acts of kindness, and it is a way to practice devotion. If you need something in your life, like happiness, try devoting time to regular acts of kindness. Acts of kindness could be sending a card to somebody you appreciate, baking a treat for a friend, shoveling your neighbor's walks, buying a coffee for the person ahead of you in line, holding the door open, or a simple smile could make somebody's day. Random acts of kindness create a bridge of empathy to connect with respect. We never know what somebody is going through in their life, and our act of kindness could plant a seed of hope.

One of the most important things we can do for our recovery is to act in kindness. Kindness reveals value for ourselves and the world around us. It shows the goodness of humanity and restores faith. Making kindness a way of life expresses our hope for change. Stigma and shame create barriers to compassion, and kindness can begin to break down those walls. Healing and recovery can flourish in compassionate spaces, and it could start with random acts of kindness. Speak your truth, advocate for system change, and be significant through active participation in kindness. Never underestimate the power of love; it breaks down walls, breaks through stigma, and confronts shame, exclaiming...courage.

by Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

December 19, 2023

Spirituality has been my compass while I learned how to get back into the driver’s seat of my own life. I have always recognized in myself that I am a deep thinker and feeler, but it felt like a curse for a long time. I learned to dim my light within, not listen to my sense of self, and this caused me to sway away from my core values and beliefs. Through hardships, I found myself extremely distanced from my mind body, and soul.

Unfortunately, drugs took control of my dad’s life when I was a young girl, leaving my mom to raise two kids on her own. As a kid and into my early adolescents, I knew my dad not being involved in my life hurt me, but I was still hopeful for his recovery and had deep love for him even though he didn’t have that for himself. I know now, I stuffed that pain so far inside of me because I couldn’t feel or deal quite yet. I was only focused on what my mom, brother, and dad must been feeling or going through. All things must come to the light though and it eventually caught up with me when I became a mom myself. It hit me like a wrecking ball and then I was angry with him, for me. How could he let drugs become more important than the two beings he created and brought into this world? It was hurt, confused, angry, and at a loss.

My dad’s mom and dad have now passed on. They did the best job they knew how. with staying connected to my brother and I while we were growing up. Now that I am a mom myself, I now have insight on how painful that must have been to watch their son who was so full of life and love, just to watch drugs take all of that from him. Now I have grace in my heart for them and what that must have felt like. I have also reconnected with my dad in the past year, which I never thought would have happened. Now here is where divine timing and spirituality have become so loud in my life and now, I can’t stop trusting in it and myself.

When I found myself in a massive life change over three years ago, my mom said to me, “Your grandma Donna would be so proud of you and wouldn’t want you to take crap from anyone.” Those words stuck with me and almost became a force field surrounding me while I honestly felt like my strength was going to crumble out from under me at any point. A couple days later I saw a video and it was a tarot card reading that said, “A grandmother/mom/aunt is coming through and she has been watching over you. She is so proud of you and wants to remind you to keep standing in your strength. She wants to remind you to not take crap from anyone. She will always be watching over you but your strength with get you through this. You’ll know it’s her because she will come to you in the form of a butterfly.” My jaw about hit the ground and I got chills all over my body. I was at a kid’s birthday party a week later and it was about 102 degrees out. I was keeping an eye on my son, and I felt really disconnected from the world around me. Suddenly something hit my nose and caught my attention. It was a butterfly. It was almost like it got my attention on purpose and kept flying around me. Once again, I got chills and knew it was for me because one too many coincidences had now happened. After that, on my hardest days, I always see butterflies especially when I am disconnected from my present self. Whether it’s in real life or a picture, she always comes to remind me to keep going.

Fast forward, reconnecting with my dad has been very healing and came at a time where I was truly able to let him back in because I knew I trusted in myself again and that I would know how to navigate the journey. We have had very meaningful and deep conversations about life, and it has felt like I got a piece of myself back, that was lost for a very long time. This summer when we were floating on the river, I kept seeing an eagle. Not when I was looking for it, but it would just randomly be sitting in different places on the river and somehow catch my attention. After a couple times of seeing him/her, I was like “Ok spirit guides, what are you trying to tell me.” My dad has a beautiful soul, he’s hilarious, and full of life. Through my early conversations with him, he would say little positive lines to me, make me belly laugh, or he would tell me what his parents would tell him or say. One day he said, “Well your grandpa would always tell me, I am already insecure enough, so I’m not going to surround myself with people who make me feel more insecure about myself. I am an eagle; I am not going to let the seagulls bring me down.” This past summer, I told my dad about how I kept seeing the eagle on the river. He said your grandpa loved eagles and he told me the eagle not a seagull line again. That weekend we were floating on the river and for the first time all summer, I didn’t see the eagle. I got a call from my dad later that next week and he said, “Kayla, you are never going to believe what happened. I still have chills thinking about it.” I must preface this part that my dad is currently serving a long prison sentence due to his drug use. The prison is in the middle of nowhere, in the Nevada desert. He continues, “We finally got to go out in the yard, and I was walking the track. We never see animals out here. If anything, we see desert critters or seagulls. We were turning the corner and up on the light post was an eagle just sitting there staring at me. I have never seen anything like it out here and I stopped dead in my tracks, and I got so emotional. Thank you for sending him here to see me Kayla, I think he was reminding me that I have been acting like a seagull for far to long and its time to be an eagle.” The very next weekend not only was the eagle back, but he also had a companion with him. They were sitting in the same spot I spotted the first one.

Spirituality has given me the gift to trust in myself, the strength to be fully present, and subtle reminders that everything will work out just the way it is supposed too. I don’t need to have all the answers, all the time. It’s a practice of connecting within, to find the answers to guide me on the path that was designed for me. I can’t keep diming my own light, my diving time was calling, and now its time to trust in the process, and soar to new heights.

by  Beth Ayers, Family Peer Support Lead

July 4, 2023

I have always enjoyed volunteering and service work. In Girl Scouts, they were called service projects. I can remember doing clean up projects and singing at retirement homes. As kids, those of us in the neighborhood would pick up trash around a nearby church. I had a reading “grandma” in 5^th grade who I continued to visit for many years after. I also volunteered as a Candy Striper at the hospital delivering mail and flowers. As an adult I learned the importance of service work to my recovery, whether that was opening and closing a meeting, sponsoring others, or being the treasurer for a group. When our kids were little, we would volunteer as a family. Our favorite was volunteering with Family Promise, a local organization that provides housing to families through local churches. We would get to eat dinner with the families in the program and the kids would play afterwards. There were lots of things I loved about it: 1) My kids got to learn about homelessness in a way they could relate with, 2) They got to see that kids without homes or a lot of possessions were the same as them, and 3) It taught them to be grateful for what they had and share with others who have less. My son, in fact, at 4 years old held a free garage sale where everything was free for everyone. Any money that was donated he gave to Family Promise. This turned into a yearly family tradition which grew beyond our wildest dreams.

But I think where volunteering, service work, or helping others has made the biggest impact in my life is when our family was struggling with the affects of mental illness. As a parent, I put in countless hours and endless energy into getting services for our child. Not to mention the emotional toll it took on me. It is so hard to see my children sick or struggling or sad. And parenting was extremely difficult for me, partly because I didn’t feel confident in myself and my parenting, and partly because I was parenting children who had struggles and behaviors that I didn’t understand. But during that period of my life, helping others became so important. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t volunteer lady of the year by any means. Most days I couldn’t even think about what to feed my family for dinner, let alone how to help someone else. But occasionally, an opportunity to serve came that I could participate in. And what I found was that helping others got me out of myself. It gave me a different perspective. It helped me see the good things in my life amidst the hard stuff. It caused me to be grateful for all the things that can get overshadowed by illness and conflict. Serving others connected me to people. Raising a child with a behavioral health challenge or any special healthcare need can be isolating and lonely. I found it hard to relate to other families with kids the same age. My world felt so different from theirs. Helping others reminded me of all the thoughtful acts of kindness others showed me and my family. Volunteering and service work brought me joy and gave me as much as I gave others, if not more. When I love others, I feel more loved. When I comfort another person, I feel comforted. When I support others, I feel more supported. And when I help others, I feel myself healing little by little.

For me, being a Family Peer Supporter does just that. It helps me heal. It gives me a purpose for the difficulties and hardships I’ve walked through. It allows me to show empathy to other families who are raising kids with behavioral health challenges and special healthcare needs. When I get to serve another person by walking beside them down a familiar, overwhelming, hard road, I feel less alone. By bringing hope into someone else’s situation, hope shines brighter in mine.