By Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

September 24, 2024

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition ignited, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller

Today, I invite you to join me on a journey. The map I was given at birth was filled with detours, unexpected stops, fast-paced highways, and scenic routes, accompanied by plenty of bumps and flat tires. Through adaptation and countless obstacles, I navigated a less-traveled road—a highway leading to self-awareness and recovery. I want to pause a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude to each of you here today reading this. I know you have faced your own battles, and your presence signifies that you’ve found hope after being hurt and discovered the courage to keep showing up for yourselves. Thank you for allowing me the space to be vulnerable and share my story.

Before I dive into my successes, I must be honest about the struggles and losses I've faced—mostly at my own hands, but also at the hands of others. I am a survivor of complex trauma, navigating a world shaped by anxiety and depression. I received a late diagnosis of ADHD. For thirty years, I excelled at being what everyone else needed, so much so that I lost sight of who I was and what I truly wanted in life. I thought I had it all figured out, only to find myself in the ER at 18, convinced I was having a heart attack. The doctors told me my EKG results were immaculate. When I asked what it could mean, they casually dismissed it as “just a panic attack.” But how could that be? For years, I had expressed sympathy for those struggling with diagnoses, convinced that I was “fine.” My subconscious was screaming to be heard, and I simply ignored it. My college years became a whirlwind of chaos—fun, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and the persistent belief that I was okay.

Reflecting on the little girl born in June of 1990 is bittersweet. She faced challenges far beyond her years yet handled them with grace. Joyful, kind, confident, talkative, and emotionally mature, she saw the good in everyone, even in those who struggled to show it. I envy her resilience; she loved freely, expecting nothing in return. Perhaps I envy her because I am “her”—the same essence still resides within me. But I was naïve to the toll this ability to love could take on my bright spirit.

As years passed, friendships and romantic relationships flowed through cycles of joy, confusion, love, and heartache. I took a break from school to pursue promotions at work, where I felt valued and connected.

Becoming a mom was a beautiful chapter in my story. I thrived in that role, embracing the joys and challenges of motherhood in a new city. The love I felt for my son was unconditional, profound, and hard to articulate. Three and a half years later, I became pregnant with my second son, who also brought immense joy and tenderness into my life. Both my boys enriched my existence, and their uniqueness taught me how to love two individuals exactly as they were meant to be.

Despite the chaos, I cherish being a mother. Yet motherhood can be overwhelming—there are countless tasks to juggle, financial stresses, and the constant responsibility of ensuring another’s safety. While it brings an abundance of love, it also magnifies feelings of inadequacy. I was terrified of letting my boys down, leading me to second-guess myself repeatedly. My untreated anxiety intensified, occasionally spiraling into depression. Eventually, I found myself waking up and merely going through the motions. A neck injury compounded my sense of being lost, but counseling became a vital lifeline, providing me with a space to be heard.

When we moved to Montana, a place steeped in cherished childhood memories, my dreams began to take shape. I found a new flicker of hope, returning to work while my boys started school. But then I faced another challenge: my youngest’s regression with Autism. He lost his language and many of the abilities I had treasured. I mourned the child I once knew while stepping up to be the mother he needed.

I resumed counseling, and after two years of revisiting the same struggles, my therapist delivered a powerful revelation: “If you’re unhappy with your life, you have two choices. You can completely change how your life looks, or you need to find better solutions to feel comfortable in your current situation.” It was an awakening moment.

Four years ago, I grew weary of my narrative and finally admitted the truth: I was the only one who could change my life. I learned to listen to my inner voice and advocate for myself. EMDR therapy became transformative, helping me reclaim my life. Today, my boys are thriving. I’ve met a wonderful partner who loves me for who I am. I’ve embraced the role of being a bonus to a beautiful little girl. I am passionate about my work and a fierce advocate for others. My experiences have granted me the ability to meet people where they are, recognizing that the fundamental human need is connection. With even a glimmer of hope, beautiful transformations can occur.

Now, I stand proud of the person I see in the mirror. When I need a reminder, the little girl within me whispers that I am joyful, kind, confident, talkative, curious, and emotionally mature. I understand how the world works, and I strive to treat even the unloving with compassion. We are all born good, and we are all doing our best.

September is National Recovery Month!

Every September, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) leads the nation in celebrating Recovery Month, a time dedicated to promoting awareness and understanding of mental health and substance use disorders, celebrating those in recovery, and highlighting the effective treatments available. Recovery Month has been a vital part of SAMHSA’s efforts to combat the stigma associated with mental health and substance use disorders, and in 2024, the initiative continues with renewed energy and focus on the theme, "Hope, Healing, and Health."

The theme for Recovery Month 2024, "Hope, Healing, and Health," encapsulates the core elements of the recovery process. Hope is a critical factor in recovery, providing the motivation to continue moving forward despite challenges. Healing refers not only to the process of overcoming mental health and substance use disorders but also to the holistic approach to recovery that includes physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Health, in this context, underscores the importance of maintaining overall wellness as a foundation for long-term recovery.

Check out the resources below or visit SAMHSA's Recovery Month 2024 page.

Use Social Media Frames and Stickers

By Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

May 28, 2024

My child was never officially diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Partly due to their age (under 21) and partly because insurance companies didn’t like that diagnosis. I was told there was a lot of stigma around Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and no treatment for it. Only the symptoms such as anxiety, depression, or impulsivity could be treated with medication. Dialectical Behavior Therapy was effective but not a “guaranteed fix” which is what insurances like to cover. Some doctors who saw BPD on a patient’s chart automatically assumed there was no hope for that patient. I appreciated the protection the doctors and therapists were trying to give our child, the chance to have hope and unbiased treatment. But I hated playing the insurance game and hiding because of stigma. My thought was, “If they have BPD, list it as a diagnosis.” If our child had a rare form of cancer, doctors wouldn’t think twice about putting it in their chart. Stigma does not get changed by hiding from it. It gets changed by being open and honest and authentic.

While our child was in a residential treatment program, we took a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) class, Family to Family. I remember reading the symptoms and characteristics of BPD. Every single one fit. Learning about BPD helped me to have hope (the opposite of the medical world.) It helped me make sense of why our child was constantly having new symptoms and problems. Throughout their teen years, they expressed struggling with Trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder), eating disorders, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal ideation, self-harm, insomnia, alcohol and drug addiction, and so on. What I saw as their parent was problems with impulsivity, defiance, oppositional behavior, black and white thinking, manipulation, having to have it their way, lying, trouble keeping friends and maintaining relationships, holding grudges, not following the rules, blaming others, arguing, being defensive, and extreme emotions. Learning about BPD helped me to not blame myself or my parenting, have more understanding and compassion for what they were going through, recognize the difficulty and confusion of living with BPD, learn how to not escalate things, look for targeted therapies, and not feel so alone by relating to other parents’ experiences raising a child with BPD.

I brought a lot of misconceptions I had learned about parenting and life in general into my adult life and role as parent. I thought that if I did everything right, things would turn out right. I thought I could parent in a “right” way that would keep my child from experiencing pain. I also thought that if I was a “good” parent, my child would not misbehave. I believed that one wrong move could change the course of their life forever and ruin everything. I questioned if I was doing the right things and making the right decisions. I thought I could fix things and control outcomes. By always trying to fix situations and people, I inadvertently gave my child the message that they couldn’t handle hard things. I struggled setting firm boundaries when often that led to extreme emotions and behaviors. I fought the urge not to rock the boat when things were going smoothly. The phrase “walking on eggshells” is often used to describe living with or parenting someone with BPD. It wasn’t until our child was in treatment that I realized how fearful I was and how the effects of mental illness impacted my life.

I listened to a webinar recently titled Embracing Your Own Path and Recovery While Supporting Family Members in Theirs. It touched on the idea that everyone in the family or household is part of the Family’s Mental Health Story, with each person responsible for their own recovery (or wellness) journey. While I thought the fact that I couldn’t change anyone else was defeating, I learned I CAN change myself, empowering me to begin working on me. My family found ourselves focusing all our energy and attention solely on the family member struggling the most. But each member of the family plays a role. My health, mental and physical, is just as important as my child’s. I need to practice healthy coping skills and self-care also. I can impact what is going on in my home by looking at what I’m contributing and what I can change (hint-only myself). I can be aware of how I show up for my child and my family. And if I don’t like what I see, I can work on and take care of myself so I can show up as my best self. I can offer myself and others grace when we struggle. I can acknowledge and accept that life is messy. Probably the best tool I have learned is forgiveness for myself and others, believing that when we know better, we do better.

by Bill Deavel, Peer Support Coordinator

January 31, 2023

Well, this will be my fourth time I have written on this topic while at MPN. Let’s see what my heart puts down on paper. I believe that relationships are what gives each of our lives purpose. The connection that each of us have with the people in our lives is what gives us the ability have the emotions that we get to experience. I also believe that we get to have a relationship with ourselves. I know for myself for a long time I sought relationships with others so that I could feel a certain way. The relationship that I have cultivated with myself has given me the ability to have quality relationships with others.

My spirituality has been the key to be able to unlock who I truly am. My relationship with God has freed me from self and has given me my purpose in life which is to serve others. This is my foundation in being able to maintain quality relationships with others. Now, I wish I could say that I handle all the different relationships in my life with perfection, however that is not the case. I choose to do a daily inventory on how I treated others. Most days I treat others with dignity and respect, there are those days when I need to go to individuals and own my behavior and correct the mistakes that I have done. I know for myself when my time here on earth is over, I want to be remembered as someone that gave himself to others in a way that had a positive impact on each of their lives. I will end with saying that if we are willing to be honest with ourselves and continue to work on the relationships in our lives, we will have the opportunity to experience love joy and respect. Treasure the relationships that you have, they are important.