by Kayla Myers, Peer Support coordinator

June 24, 2025

I’m a mom of boys, loud, messy, hilarious, curious, deep-feeling boys.

And if I’m honest, one of my greatest hopes, besides them eventually learning to do their laundry and clean up after themselves, is that they grow into men who feel safe being whole. Not just strong or stoic or successful. But soft when they need to be. Honest. Vulnerable. Supported.

Because here’s the truth, one I’ve heard from every mom of boys and quietly carried myself: the world still struggles to let our sons be fully human.

We tell our kids, “It’s okay to cry,” but somewhere between kindergarten and manhood, that message gets lost. Replaced by phrases like “man up,” “don’t be soft,” and “real men don’t talk about their feelings.” And those words don’t just bounce off; they sink in. They settle deep.

As moms, we see their hearts before the world tells them to hide them. We see the quiet anxiety before the tough-guy mask forms. We know the pressure they carry in silence, the self-doubt buried behind humor, the frustration when they don’t have the words to explain what’s going on inside.

June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. And if it reminds me of anything, it’s this:

We don’t just need to raise good men.
We need to raise whole men.

Men who know it's okay to ask for help.
Men who’ve had practice expressing what they feel.
Men who’ve seen someone care about what’s happening beneath the surface.

Here’s what I’m doing, or I should say, what I’m trying, daily:

• I ask them how they’re feeling, and I try not to rush past the silence.
• I talk about therapy like it’s normal, because it is.
• I praise emotional honesty just as much as achievements.
• I work on asking for help myself, because they’re always watching.

In my eyes, no boy should grow up believing his feelings make him weak.

So, whether you're a parent, an aunt, a coach, a teacher, or a friend, be part of the voice that says:

You don’t have to pretend you're okay when you’re not.
You’re not less of a man for needing support.
You’re more of one for knowing when to reach out.

To my sons, and all the boys growing into men:
Your mind matters.
Your emotions matter.
You matter.

Let’s raise them to believe it.

(Edited and Enhanced with ChatGPT)

by Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

December 17, 2024

Dear Fellow Parent,

I know exactly what you're going through right now. It might not always seem like it, but you are doing an incredible job. Sometimes, in the whirlwind of daily life, you are managing school pickups, making sure the meals are ready, keeping track of doctor's appointments, handling tantrums (both big and small), and let's not forget the never-ending laundry. You may forget that what you're doing is nothing short of amazing.

I’ve been there, too. I know what it feels like when you’re so wrapped up in your kids’ needs and schedules that your own gets lost in the shuffle. You might have the constant feeling of being "on," that there’s always something to do for someone else. And I get it, parenting, with all its beautiful chaos, can consume every bit of your time and energy.

But I want to remind you of something important: You are more than just a parent.

I’m saying this but not lightly because I know you play a vital role in your kids’ lives, but to help you remember that in the middle of all this giving, you deserve to take care of yourself too. You are an individual with hopes, dreams, passions, and needs that are just as important as the ones your children have. Being a great parent doesn’t mean losing yourself in the process.

Think about it this way: how can we give our best to our children if we aren't caring for ourselves? You’ve probably heard the analogy of putting on your oxygen mask first before helping others. It’s true. If you’re running on empty, it’s hard to fill anyone else's cup. You deserve moments of rest, joy, and self-care. You deserve to nurture your well-being, even if it means asking for help or carving out time for yourself. It's so easy to slip into the routine of putting your needs last. But taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s self-preservation. It shows your children that it's okay to care for your mental and physical health. It’s demonstrating that balance and self-respect are essential to living a full life. A life that doesn’t just revolve around obligations but also includes joy and fulfillment. You are setting an example for them by showing that taking time for self-care isn’t just acceptable, it’s your lifeline.

Don’t get me wrong, I have rolled my eyes more than once at the thought of trying to practice self-care and at all the very impractical suggestions. But maybe it’s a cup of coffee in peace before the kids wake up. Or a 20-minute walk by yourself. Or even sitting in your car for five minutes after grocery shopping to just breathe. Or one of my favorites, blasting my favorite song in my headphones or in my car and singing at the top of my lungs. Whatever it is, permit yourself to take it. Those moments add up, and before you know it, you’ll start feeling recharged and more present when you are with your family.

And while we’re on the topic, let’s talk about grace. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. If things don’t always go according to plan, if the house isn’t spotless, or if the kids eat cereal for dinner again, don’t beat yourself up. Perfection is overrated. The fact that you’re showing up each day with love and commitment is more than enough. The children you are raising are seeing your effort and love, even on the hardest days.

So, here’s my reminder to you: You matter. Your needs matter. Your physical health, mental health, and emotional well-being, matter. You are a beautiful, strong, and capable person who deserves time and care just as much as anyone else in your home.

Thank you for everything you do. I see you. And I hope you can take a moment today to see yourself, too, for all the wonderful things you are both as a parent and an individual. You are doing great.

From someone who also needs this reminder often,
A Fellow Parent

(Edited and enhanced with ChatGPT)

By Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

November 19, 2024

To celebrate National Child’s Day, I find myself reflecting on the incredible journey of motherhood and the two beautiful boys who have forever changed my life. It’s a day to honor children, yes, but for me, it’s also a moment to pause and truly appreciate the little hands that grip mine so tightly, the laughter that echoes through our home, and the endless moments of joy and challenges that come with raising two unique and wonderful souls.

I still remember the day each of my boys was born, how I felt a rush of love so deep it felt like it could never be contained. Years later, that love continues to evolve into something even more profound. Watching them grow and navigate the world makes me marvel at their strength, curiosity, and boundless imagination. Each day they remind me of the simplest things like a butterfly on a spring morning or the joy summer time approaching brings with warm weather and longer days. They both have so much beauty and magic in their souls, I am so thankful to watch them grow. In their eyes, life is an adventure; every day is an opportunity to learn and discover something new.

Easton is my firstborn and is a wild spirit, the one who keeps us on our toes. He’s full of energy, always moving, always asking questions. My youngest is the thinker, and Easton is the doer. He doesn’t wait for the world to come to him, he runs headfirst into it. His confidence is contagious. It’s impossible to feel sad when Easton is around. He has this way of making even the most mundane activities feel like an exciting adventure. Whether he's telling a joke, building a tower that’s taller than he is, or exploring the backyard like it’s a jungle, Easton brings an infectious joy to our home that makes life feel like one big celebration.

Bryce, my youngest, is an old soul in a young body. He’s the quiet thinker, the one who keeps to himself and finds joy in the simple things in life. Although he is non-verbal, his curiosity never seems to have limits, and his mind is always working. What I admire most about him is his ability to touch your heart and soul without saying a single word. Even at a young age, he has this incredible ability to sense when someone needs comfort, whether it's his family, someone he knows well, or a stranger. It humbles me to watch him interact with the world in such a thoughtful way.

On National Children’s Day, I think about what it means to raise these two boys. How I am both a teacher and a student in this journey of parenthood. They are constantly teaching me to be more patient, more present, and more open to the world around me. I have learned to find joy in the smallest moments. Whether it’s a homemade card that reads “I love you, Mom” or the way they both rush to greet me after school, faces lit up with excitement to share the details of their day.

I also reflect on the responsibility that comes with being their parent. Every decision I make, every lesson I teach, and every word I say, will shape their understanding of the world. I want them to grow up knowing they are loved unconditionally, that kindness is one of the most important virtues, and that they are capable of achieving anything they set their hearts to. I want them to embrace their uniqueness, to be proud of who they are, and to never lose their sense of wonder.

Being a mom is a wild ride, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Watching my boys grow and develop into their own little people, each with their own dreams, quirks, and strengths, fills me with love and pride that words often fail to capture. National Child’s Day serves as a reminder to celebrate not just the joys of being a child but the incredible privilege it is to be a parent.

To my boys, Easton and Bryce: thank you for making every day an adventure. Thank you for showing me what true joy and love look like. You are my heart, my world, and my greatest blessings. I can’t wait to see where life takes us next.

Happy National Child’s Day! Here’s to all the giggles, the messes, the milestones, and the beautiful moments we share together. You are my everything.

*Edited and Formatted: ChatGPT

by Maureen Bjerke, Guest Contributor

April 3, 2024

Week of the Young Child is a nationally recognized week to celebrate young children and those who care for them. The goal is to raise awareness of the importance of early childhood and the impact the early years have on future development. Montana has many people working on strengthening the early childhood network in our state. In our Capital city, the Early Childhood Collaborative of the Greater Helena Area (the ECC) has been met with an overwhelming response from the community in support of this week-long celebration. Helena has recognized the event in some fashion for many years but this year is the biggest year yet!

While the Week of the Young Child is focused on children ages 0 to 8 years old, the impact of a supportive environment for children, families, and early childhood workers is a community-wide effort.

We are starting the week with a Kickoff Event on April 6th with free children’s screenings, fun activities for children and resources for caregivers. Self-care Sunday is a chance for loss parents to paint their own pottery while connecting with others who have experienced loss on their parenting journey. Our Music Monday class will encourage children to have fun while making music with their caregiver. Tasty Tuesday will give children the chance to make something new and enjoy eating what they just created. Work Together Wednesday facilitates interaction between the child and adult while doing something engaging and fun together. Artsy Thursday allows for the natural creativity of children to come through. Family Friday gives families a chance to spend time together - playing and laughing together is an amazing stress reliever.

Reading in the Rotunda is on Wednesday, April 10th. This event has been going on for many years. We will have fun guest story readers for preschool children and a resource fair where you can learn and explore services available to Helena families.

The Helena School District has set up school visits for preschoolers to visit their future school to aid in the huge transition of going to kindergarten.

This is just a portion of what’s being offered. Businesses are offering week-long discounts, deals or classes to children, families, and those who raise or work with them. Visit our website for a full list of events.

We are so grateful for the support from our community. We hope people know they are not alone, that their community supports them, and that we value our youngest residents.

Learn more about our Week of the Young Child

Maureen Bjerke 406-461-4449 (call or text is fine).

Generated with AI and edited by Lea Wetzel, Family Peer Supporter

March 11, 2024

A Personal Approach in Acknowledgment of World Teen Mental Health Day March 2^nd

As a parent navigating the challenges of raising a teenager in today's fast-paced world, I have come to appreciate the significance of prioritizing mental health. With World Teen Mental Wellness Day just around the corner on March 2, it is an opportune time to reflect on ways we can actively support our teens' emotional well-being throughout the year. In a world where one in seven adolescents faces mental health challenges, fostering awareness and reducing stigma becomes paramount, especially given the impact of the global pandemic on our teens' mental health.

Starting the Day with Love:

A Simple yet Powerful Gesture can be a great tool when mindful of our teen’s mental wellbeing. Commencing the day with a gesture of love may seem small, but its impact can be profound. A warm hug, if welcomed by your teen, has the potential to reduce stress, enhance well-being, and even contribute to improved sleep. The key here is to respect your child's personal boundaries and always seek consent before initiating such gestures.

Breakfast Bonding:

Nourishing the Body and Mind can be a great starting point for better mindfulness of the wellbeing of our teens. Sharing a nutritious breakfast is not just about strengthening the parent-teen bond; it is a strategic move to boost mental well-being. Studies have shown that a balanced breakfast correlates with better mental health in teens. So, while enjoying a meal together, we also contribute to their overall emotional wellness.

Active Listening:

Fostering Open Communication is a positive practice to benefit connections with teens. Being an active listener is more than just hearing words; it is about creating an open space for your teen to share their thoughts, concerns, and feelings. Nonverbal cues, such as smiling and nodding, further support this healing space, allowing for genuine and judgment-free conversations.

Encouraging Talk Therapy:

Letting Them Know Help is Available can be a safe support start with any developments in your relationship with your teens. On this World Teen Mental Wellness Day, I have found it essential to inform my teen about the availability of talk therapy and mental health care. Ensuring they understand that seeking support is a strength, not a weakness, opens the door for them to explore this option if needed.

Leading by Example:

Sharing My Mental Health Journey can be a perspective that is a great opening for conversation and connection. As a parent, I have found that leading by example is a powerful way to encourage teens to prioritize their mental health. Sharing age-appropriate details about my own mental health and self-care journey has made the concept more relatable and less stigmatized.

Engaging in Physical Activities:

An Outdoor Adventure is always a great way to add a natural environment and fresh air into your life and your teen. We lead by example and utilize our natural resources like land, water, air, and the outdoors, which is a positive influence that can offer a tool for our teen's mental health forevermore. Research consistently highlights the positive association between physical activity and mental health. Whether it is biking, hiking, or a simple game of soccer, engaging in outdoor activities together provides an avenue for both physical exercise and quality bonding time.

Yoga:

A Gentle Path to Mental Well-being can be Yoga as a physical wellbeing tool to utilize and share with our teens. Considering the gentler side of physical activity, I have introduced my teen to the benefits of yoga. Combining mindful breathing with physical postures, yoga has proven to be a valuable tool in supporting mental health.

Starting a Book Club:

Fostering a Love for Reading is a lifetime positive influence on teens. Recognizing the calming effects of reading, I have encouraged my teen to explore literature. Initiating a book club, either with friends or family, has not only provided an avenue for intellectual growth but also contributed to stress reduction.

Volunteering Together:

Making a Difference, One Act at a Time is being a positive role model for teens. This World Teen Mental Wellness Day, I am considering volunteering with my teen for a cause close to our hearts. Research suggests that "helping behaviors" are associated with stress-buffering effects, making volunteering a meaningful and stress-relieving activity for both of us.

Embracing Laughter:

The Joyful Medicine of Laughter truly is the best medicine. It is Scientifically proven to increase dopamine and serotonin levels, laughter can be easily incorporated into our day through activities like watching a comedy or engaging in light-hearted banter.

In conclusion, supporting our teens' mental wellness is an ongoing journey that requires dedication, understanding, and a willingness to embrace various activities that contribute to their overall well-being. Whether it is initiating conversations, encouraging healthy habits, or enjoying moments of laughter, every effort counts towards fostering a mentally resilient teenager. This World Teen Mental Wellness Day lets us commit to making a positive impact on our teens' lives, not just on March 2 but throughout the entire year.

by Lea Wetzel, Family Peer Supporter

January 30, 2024

Growing up and learning to live with mental health conditions, and finding power within my uniqueness has been a journey all its own. When growing up I always felt different, so it has been quite a journey in my self-acceptance of having these obstacles. Like many minorities, we come from intergenerational and historical trauma. Being a mother of two beautiful children who are already having similar struggles of not filling into the “norm” is hard for me, but super hard for them this day and age.

We are in a time of “Shifting Paradigms,” but when it comes to the support of my children having similar ongoing situations, it is a reminder of the work that still needs to be done, and the education that still needs to be spread.

It can be frustrating and emotionally draining to be a fighting force when being present and the support for my own children’s journey. It takes me back to when we were the only “mixed family” in the suburb of my hometown I grew up in. With both my biological parents being tribally affiliated and having an African American Stepfather growing up in the early 80s in this area, it was a struggle.

Now, you add times when I wasn’t feeding my wellness the way I should, there has been trial and error and lots of learning experiences. Being able to work with others who have similar life experiences has been very helpful, and I can say the payoff of seeing my children happy and healthy can mean everything in these trying times.

Parenthood is a profound journey, filled with moments of joy, love, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility. For individuals like me, a woman from the Amskapii Piikani band of the Blackfoot Confederated Nation, the path of parenting intertwines with the past, present, and what is uniquely qualified to work for us. I realize my story sheds light on the unique challenges parents face when nurturing their children while battling their internal struggles, but also adding the need to embrace and nurture self.

Navigating the intricacies of parenting with resilience became a priority for me. As a survivor of multifaced trauma, I recognized the importance of not allowing my past to define my present or my role as a mother. "I never thought I would be exposed to situations that would negatively affect me for the rest of my life," However, my journey in motherhood is a testament to the strength that can emerge even in the face of profound adversity.

Resiliency and dedication to empowering others on their journey of healing is a meaningful life. Reconnecting with my traditional ways and receiving peer support during a critical phase of my life was transformative. "I knew if I were to learn to heal this, I would commit to helping others and do whatever I could so others wouldn’t experience the same," echoes in my head and into reality for me to remember where I came from and where I am now.

The journey toward healing involved embracing the power of storytelling. I found strength in sharing my truth, not only for my own empowerment but to inspire and support others and be an example for my kids. I became an advocate for my people and am working towards justice and support for survivors of domestic violence, human trafficking, and childhood sexual traumas.

My culture is prevention and connection to purpose for all Indigenous communities across Turtle Island. It has been a driving force behind my reconnection to my ways and the way I live my life. My children and I participate in ceremony for strength and to stay in humility, so we may be the best we can be when we go back into the world.

Balancing parenthood with advocacy and a commitment to empowering others is not without its challenges. I actively participate in various initiatives, including supporting survivors of human trafficking, advocating for families and individuals of Missing and Murdered Indigenous People (MMIP), partnering in awareness campaigns, and engaging in state-wide committees. My roles as a Montana Department of Corrections Victim Impact Panelist, Advisory Council Member, and active involvement in legislative Steering and Access sub-committees for the Montana Department of Health and Human Services, I believe reflect my dedication to making a difference.

All that said, my mental health and my children’s well-being must come first for me to be present and a part of any of the work I am passionate about.

Learning how to balance life in these areas as a single mother in the recovery of these spectrums, and supporting two children with ongoing similar issues, having someone to support me as the parent can mean everything in this ongoing and ever-evolving Paradigm Shift, of being mindful, present, and allows us to live in wellness and a place of gratitude.

by Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

August 22, 2023

The day I became a mom to my son was the greatest day of my life. While I was pregnant and in those first months of being his mom, I don’t ever remember doubting my abilities. I knew I would try every day to be the mom my kids needed. It is interesting now looking back, I can point out where I let all my doubts, fears, and unhealed trauma, creep in and steal the precious moments I had with my boys.  Being a mom is hard yes, but motherhood was the very thing that came into my life and pushed me to unpack the things I never processed, to heal, and to love myself. Nothing could ever compare to the love and grace my boys showered me with. They made me feel loved on the days I could barely look in the mirror because I was a sad, lonely, an empty vessel who was living in survival mode.

Throughout motherhood, the thing that stands out the most on my recovery journey, is how triggering my kids were to the unhealed parts of me. Selfish I know. How could I let my mind trick me into feeling unworthy of their love or that I would fail them? How could I let my doubts become so big, that I let them feel the very things I should have dealt with a long time ago? It’s something I am slowly trying to forgive myself for, but I know it takes time and I must lead by example. I didn’t know what I now know about unhealed trauma. Trauma is the undetected cancer living in every person we encounter daily. Who wants to be the person that is still talking about their past because it wasn’t that bad or knowing we had to keep moving along because that’s what was expected of us? If trauma isn’t “dealt” with, we see it come out of ourselves in many ways such as self-sabotaging behaviors, anxiety, or depression, just to name a few. I finally had enough of the way I was living my life and started to dive deep into the parts of my past that were buried so deep inside of me, and I was finally able to shine a light on them. While I was never neglectful to my boys, I was neglecting myself more than ever when I became a mom. I kept pouring from a cup that was already empty because I didn’t have the tools on how to pour back into myself. When you keep living your life this way, it can feel so overwhelming and defeating.

My journey in recovery is still and will continue to be a work in progress. But I know I have little ones who look to me for guidance and to be their example. The best thing I have learned is to ask for what I need when I feel like I am drowning, to offer myself grace when I don’t feel worthy of it, and how to be present with my children. While parenting, it is important for me to be vulnerable and honest with my children when I am not feeling my best. When I do this now, it shows them that even adults don’t have it all figured out and we struggle ourselves. This shift in communication helps with everyone’s internal needs in the family unit because more conversations are being had and heard. My hope is that my family can see I will never stop working on myself so I can always show up the best way I can, in the moments they depend on me. I am worthy of love and so are they.

by Jana Galarus, Family Peer Supporter

May 9, 2023

Parents and children may be dealing with Behavioral Health Issues, Mental Health, and Special Healthcare Needs and we have a lot of plates spinning in the air at once.  How do we cope with our children’s mental health?  Some of our children have ADD, ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, PTSD, Panic Disorders or Bipolar disorder.  There are so many diagnoses that I won’t name them all.  People can’t physically see mental health issues, so they are often not talked about.

How many times as a parent do you feel judged in your community, by friends, family, doctors, and by teachers at school and by special education staff.  Priests or pastors.  I think that they forget that some of us parents carry intense feelings of guilt and sometimes blame ourselves.  We question maybe if I had done this or maybe if I had done that.  I think of all the parents who have endured judgement.  It causes destruction of parents when their kids are having a mental health crisis. Think of the years of pain and isolation the child and the parents are going through.  When our children are in pain usually, we are also in pain.  When our children are having a crisis others judge us.  They think that we just have not been good parents or that we haven’t taught our children how to behave or that we as parents have done something wrong.

 That is not the case!  If our society and community would change judgement into curiosity maybe as parents and children, we would be more comfortable in talking about these mental health issues or topics.  Friends, families, and churches would reach out with compassion and ask them over for dinner or for their child to go have ice cream or just be an ear to listen to us and try and be kinder and more compassionate.  We then could explain that maybe our child doesn’t like large crowds or to be hugged or touched.  That they need specific information and not to be yelled at and how to protect and help them if they are having a moment and we are not there.  You can learn what they love to do or talk about.  This would make our worlds more inclusive of our kids and us.

Many of our children also have anxiety and panic attacks it can feel like a sense of doom or terror, your heartbeat can be rapid, you may have sweating, dizziness, nausea, shallow breathing, a feeling like you’re dying or going crazy.  There is no way to predict when a panic attack will happen.  Panic disorders can lead to other problems such as depression or abuse of alcohol or other drugs.  You may feel restless, have trouble sleeping, muscle tension, feeling moody, fatigue, or not being able to focus.  You may feel like you are on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and feelings, and you may not even understand what is happening to you or your children.

Let me tell you that there are people and services out there! You don’t have to go through this alone.  Reach out to a friend, or family member.  Contact a family peer supporter, or substance use peer support.  Reach out to a doctor, counselor, and therapist because a prompt diagnosis and treatment are vital.  Get a complete physical and mental health evaluation.  Medications can sometime help prevent attacks.  Initially treatment may be difficult but try to take an active role.  Find a therapist, counselor or doctor.  Finding a medication that works right for you can take some time.  Learning techniques from counseling can take time and practice.

Some of us can learn how to do some deep breathing exercises, meditation, self-care or find calming music and learn what the triggers are with our mental health.  Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.  Family Peer Support can help you find a mental health care provider.  Know that you are loved, and that people care for you.  There is hope.

SAMHSA GIPHY Stickers

by  Beth Ayers, Family Peer Support Lead

May 2, 2023

The U.S. Surgeon General in his 2021 Advisory: Protecting Youth Mental Health stated, “Every child’s path to adulthood- reaching developmental and emotional milestones, learning healthy social skills, and dealing with problems- is different and difficult. Many face added challenges along the way, often beyond their control. There’s no map and the road is never straight. But the challenges today’s generation of young people face are unprecedented and uniquely hard to navigate. And the effect these challenges have had on their mental health is devastating.” He goes on to say, “Mental health challenges in children, adolescents, and young adults are real, and they are widespread. But most importantly, they are treatable, and often preventable.”

But before prevention comes acceptance. Before we can accept that mental health is important and affects our kids, we have to acknowledge it, talk about it, and address the issues surrounding it. We have to fight against the stigma. We have to recognize mental illness as the physical illness it is and not a character defeat.

The 2021 Montana Youth Risk Behavior Survey reported that “among high school students, 41% have felt so sad or hopeless for two or more weeks in a row that they stopped doing usual activities” and “22% seriously considered attempting suicide.” These numbers are staggering! My question is, what are we as Montanans doing about this? Are we even aware that our kids are struggling? Are there programs in the schools to address this? Do teachers and other students feel prepared to support the 41%? Do communities or schools have mental health support groups for youth? Can a student take a mental health day just like taking a sick day for any other illness? And if we are doing these things, is it enough? Are we addressing children’s and youth’s mental health openly and without judgement? Do we know, accept, and treat mental illness as the physical illness is it? Do we believe mental illness is treatable and that people with it can lead healthy and satisfying lives?

The U.S. Surgeon General goes on to say, “Ensuring health children and families will take an all-of-society effort, including policy, institutional, and individual changes in how we view and prioritize mental health. Our obligation to act is not just medical- it’s moral.” The Advisory states that “each of us has a role to play” and lists ways to take action.

The first way listed is to “Recognize that mental health is an essential part of overall health.” I love the statement the Advisory makes about this: “Mental health conditions are real, common, and treatable, and people experiencing mental health challenges deserve support, compassion, and care, not stigma and shame.” As a parent who has raised a child who experiences mental health challenges, this hits home. Too often mental health challenges are assumed to go away on their own or they can be “cured” with changes in parenting style. Even well-meaning suggestions for how to “fix” my child’s mental illness has left me feeling alone and misunderstood. As a parent I would have rather been listened to and accepted and encouraged to seek medical help as I assume people would have done had I been talking about a physical ailment.

Another way the Advisory says we can take action is to “Empower youth and their families to recognize, manage, and learn from difficult emotions.” We can create an environment that is safe for families and youth to express how they’re feeling and offer support and validation. We can also share our experience and hope. We can help others develop a mental health tool box where they can add tools to help them such as self-care practices, the 8 Dimensions of Wellness, crisis planning, natural supports, and mental health education. The 8 Dimension of Wellness include social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical, environmental, financial, and occupational. The dimensions are interconnected and being healthy in many dimensions of our lives leads to overall wellness. For more information on the 8 Dimensions of Wellness, visit samhsa.gov for SAMHSA’s workbook titled “Creating a Healthier Life: A Step-by-Step Guide to Wellness.”

According to the Advisory, a third way to take action is to “Ensure that every child has access to high-quality, affordable, and culturally competent mental health care.” Personally, this feels daunting to me. But as a parent, I can learn to advocate for my child’s needs and treatment and help others do the same. We can make sure screenings for anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts are used in schools and at doctor appointments for early detection and intervention.

If we all do our part, we can stop the stigma surrounding mental illness and we can prioritize our mental health and that of our children. This year, let’s not just be aware of mental illness. Let’s accept it as a common health problem and care for those who struggle with it and their families.

by Erin Faulkner

April 18, 2023

Go to your local bookstore or search on Amazon and you will find books to teach you just about anything. There are even books about parenting. The difference between a book about cooking and a book about parenting is that cooking is, for the most part, predictable and routine. If you have the skills and follow the recipe, you will most likely get good results.

But we can’t predict what will happen to our children. We can’t control their every move. As much as we try, we can’t always prevent them from getting sick or hurt. Sometimes, we make the right decisions. Sometimes, we make the wrong ones. There may even be times where we did nothing wrong, but we think that someone is to blame for what has happened or is happening to our child, so we blame ourselves.

When I was 24, I found out that I have a hereditary condition called Stickler Syndrome. It is a connective tissue disorder that affects vision, eye health, hearing, joints and sometimes the heart. There is a 50% chance that this condition will be passed down to each offspring. There is no way to know if it will happen or how severely the children will be affected. Six years later, I chose to have a child anyway. We knew before we left the hospital that my daughter had Stickler Syndrome, as well. Because I had the condition, at first, I didn’t feel the guilt. But as she got older, she started recognizing and feeling some of the unpleasantness associated with this condition: looking different due to her size and thick glasses, not being able to hear well and needing hearing aids, experiencing pain, and being injured easily. How could I have done this to her? Why did I choose to do this? Was I selfish? However, as much as I felt guilty and cried for her emotional and physical pain, I wouldn’t go back and change my decision. My love for her is greater than the guilt of the challenges I gave her.

I had guilt which then changed to acceptance. This led to forgiveness. An internet search of self-forgiveness defined it as “a positive attitudinal shift in the feelings, actions, and beliefs about the self, following a self-perceived transgression or wrongdoing committed by the self” I needed to change those negative feelings about myself into positive ones. Instead of feeling anger at myself for causing her suffering, I feel pride in her resilience. Instead of feeling guilty for my selfishness, I feel a sense of accomplishment for having navigated the many systems to get her where she is today - health, insurance, school.

One of the 8 Dimensions of Wellness is Emotional. One of the definitions is “being kind to yourself as you experience a wide range of emotions.” We don’t always get it right. We want to remember our mistakes, so that we learn from them. But don’t dwell on them, or you won’t be able to enjoy the future.

I will leave you with this quote by Lori Deschene that I coincidentally saw on Facebook this week.

"Forgive yourself and stop dwelling on everything you think you could have done better. The past is behind you, and it can only control you if you let it. So let go of what you should have done and focus on doing the best you can going forward."

by Mandy Nunes, Assistant Director

April 11, 2023

What is the true meaning of forgiveness? Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

My recovery journey has so many stories of forgiveness, laid out layer upon layer. Some layers of forgiveness came naturally as my perspective changed in recovery. Other layers of forgiveness took years of therapy and work to be able to forgive. Forgiveness of self was the hardest for me. Partially because I had to spend a lot of time in therapy untangling what was mine to own and forgive of myself and what forgiveness I needed to give to someone else. You wouldn’t think it would be that hard to figure out, but for me it most definitely was.

I have a ton of childhood trauma. For those of you who know what ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) tests are, I have an ACEs score of 10, the highest score one can have. My environment shaped me. I began to use substances to cope at an early age, and engage in other behaviors that were really dangerous and created more trauma. I recreated the environment of my childhood, I made choices that were devastating. I caused harm to others and harm to myself. As I tried to process my trauma, take accountability, and find forgiveness, I was riddled with shame and self-loathing. So much of my adult trauma was my own doing, I was both victim and perpetrator. Trying to navigate that was confusing and agonizing, but I knew the only way out was through.

It took me a long time, with the help of an amazing therapist, to start being able to see that a lot of the shame I felt wasn’t mine to own. I was so focused on accountability that I was owning my experiences from 12, 13, 14 years old, and so on, as my choices, my fault. My therapist had to help me reshape those experiences and my role in them. The truth was, I was a child. It was someone else’s role to guide me, to protect me. I have a 12 year old daughter right now, and she is absolutely not mature enough to make those kinds of decisions, and the thought of her experiencing the things I did at her age makes me incredibly sad and honestly a little sick to my stomach. I had to find compassion for the child I was that experienced those things. Once I was able to acknowledge and have compassion for the child me, then I was able to understand adult me. Once I was able to do that, I was able to work on forgiveness for the adults in my childhood. As I worked on forgiving them I was able to start forgiving me, or maybe as I worked on forgiving me, I was able to forgive them. Either way the forgiveness did come. And some days I feel tangled up again, memories resurface and feelings too. Forgiveness isn’t always a one and done thing, sometimes it’s a choice we make every day, just like recovery. It can be an incredible amount of work, painful even at times. For me, the work that went into forgiveness was liberating and absolutely worth it. I wouldn’t be who I am today without it.

Today, through my forgiveness of self and others, I am able to support my mom from a place of compassion as she is on her own healing journey of recovery and forgiveness. My mom is currently going through a similar process with her therapist and I have been able to share some of my experiences with her. As she shares with me, I am reminded of how difficult and painful it can be to go through that process, even more so for her since my grandmother has passed. I am grateful that I get to love and support her through this process, rather than blame and resent. That is the power of forgiveness.

by Jana Galarus, Family Peer Supporter

April 11, 2023
Forgiveness is something that can be described in so many ways by everyone. I describe forgiveness as the power to move on, heal, recover and to have inner peace and grace in life. It takes courage, mental strength, bravery, humility, and compassion. For some of us it also takes emotional and spiritual awareness to forgive.

Maria Edgeworth stated:

“Surely it is much more generous to forgive and remember, than to forgive and forget.”

I am a mom with special needs children and I was taking care of my elderly dad. I remember times in life where I felt like it was me and my family up against the world of administrators, doctors, insurance companies, lawyers and teachers. I was so angry, frustrated and tired of fighting for everyday rights it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. At moments I thought it would be the death of my soul as a person. The bitterness, and frustration of emotions that I was going through was not the person that I am naturally in life. I didn’t understand this at the time.

I eventually forgave them, and myself, but I will never forget. This allowed me and my family the power to be the people that we are today and live healthier and happier lives.

The Bible says, “Forgive them, for they have not known what they do.”

I don’t wish anyone who reads this to take offense as I realize we are all spiritual in different ways.

With years of forgiveness for them and myself I have since allowed some of them to come back into our life. Some of them have since apologized and done right by us.

Maya Angelo said:

“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.”

Forgiveness helps us feel better, it gives us freedom and hopefully it will make us live longer. It will decrease anxiety, stress and blood pressure. Remember to breath add some self-care to your life.

Every parent has made mistakes. Every child makes mistakes. Every parent has had an argument with their child and every child has argued with their parents. This is to be human. Talk about it and if you can’t, write a letter about it so they know how you feel. Forgive each other this will allow you to be more open.

Remember forgiveness and healing is a choice. It’s the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say your sorry and stronger person to forgive.

by Bill Deavel, Peer Support Coordinator

April 4, 2023

What an amazing subject to talk about. This will be my first time getting share with you on the topic of forgiveness. I would like to start off with saying if recovery is possible, so is forgiveness. I believe that it is hard to have one without the other. As I was growing up I had examples of forgiveness in my life. My parent and grandparents modeled forgiveness to me as I was growing up in a variety of ways. As a child I based forgiveness on if it benefited me, I applied forgiveness somewhat selfishly. I would forgive, if you did or I got what I wanted. You see there were conditions on my forgiveness.

As I became a teenager forgiveness for me became something that I wanted to extend, however there was fear attached to it. Am I going to get treated the same way? When I was twelve years old, I was going to a private school. Let’s qualify my behaviors at this time. I was full of energy, I had some learning disabilities and some mental health diagnosis so I wasn’t the best behaved student in the class. I would get sent to the principals’ office once a week. The principal most likely was doing the best he could with the skills that he had to try and correct my behaviors. I can remember getting paddled by the principal and having no bad felling about that interaction. The interaction that I did have with him that affected me was all verbal. I carried those words he spoke to me into my adult life. I still have a hard time thinking of that period of time. He HURT me emotionally and spiritually. I will not forget the emotions that I was unprepared to have, that I didn’t understand how to process. I was scared of the thoughts that I was having, knowing that my thoughts were not what I would normally be thinking. I wanted to hurt him back and what I was thinking was wrong and I knew that. Anger, resentment around that situation only got worse until my parent took me out of that private school. Remember I am twelve years old. Forgiveness on that situation didn’t happen until I was in my forties. Forgiveness for me has been a process of understanding who I am and understanding that I have a part in things. As I share this example with you I wonder - have I forgiven, this is the work we do when we are in recovery.

Today I have a healthier way of dealing with forgiveness. While working on my recovery I had to learn to forgive myself. I think the hardest thing that I had to forgive myself for was abandoning my three children. I still work on this today. Forgiving myself for the decisions that I made in my life has been a process. There are times in my recovery where things come up and I have taken things back and I am punishing myself for past mistakes. When I recognize those times I choose to forgive myself for those things and I move forward. It is a process for me.

Forgiving others has been a learning experience. When working through some of my trauma I had to come to terms with the idea that just because I forgive someone doesn’t mean that they get to be a part of my life. I struggled with that for a period of time. My thinking was if I forgave, the slate was wiped clean and I had to accept that person back in my life. I had to learn that I could forgive and that I had the option of not giving that person the opportunity to ever hurt me again. I learned how to set a boundary.

As my recovery continues to grow, forgiveness for myself and other is good medicine. Forgiveness can be difficult to extend. My experience with forgiveness is that it can heal the soul. I am fortunate to have a support system in place that can help with the process of forgiveness. This article that I am sharing with you has been healing for me. Thank you for letting me share this with you.

by Beth Ayers Family Peer Support Lead

April 4, 2023

The hardest person I’ve had to forgive is myself.

I was ill-prepared for taking care of a child with behavioral health challenges. I didn’t understand mental illness and neurodiversity. I hadn’t heard of trauma-informed care. I had little tools in my parenting toolbox. I parented a lot of the time from a place of fear, control, embarrassment, fatigue, and ignorance. I also parented out of a deep and all-consuming love. Unfortunately, often times my love involved fixing and overprotecting, and could lack compassion and empathy. I just wanted to be the best parent I could be. And I wanted my child to be happy and healthy. But I didn’t know how.

The first major decision my husband and I had to make involving psychiatric and medical care for our child came when we found evidence of self-harm. We called a trusted counselor who suggested going to the emergency room for an evaluation. Once there, I questioned everything. Was this the right decision? What if they discharged us and our child began self-harming again? What if they admitted our child? Were we making too big of a deal out of this? Were we damaging our child more? Side note: If we had taken our child to the emergency room for a possible broken arm, I would not have once questioned if I was doing damage to my child. We were unfamiliar with the process and spent a lot of time waiting for someone to come and talk to us. I didn’t understand what was going on. Either because nobody told me or because I was too upset to process what the hospital staff were saying. Probably, a little of both. In my experience, if I didn’t ask the right questions, which I didn’t know what the right questions were, I did not receive clear explanations or the knowledge I needed. The professionals talked to me like I knew the processes and procedures of the hospital. They used words I didn’t understand or know the meaning of. Making decisions for our child’s care was hard in the moment. There was no manual handed to us at the door that I could refer to. No decision tree or flow chart that showed where each possible choice would lead to. There were no guaranteed outcomes. We hadn’t taken our child to the emergency room before. We had no experience in any of this! And yet we were responsible for making decisions. I heard it said that, “Experience is something you get after you need it.”

Since then, my husband and I and our child have made numerous decisions regarding psychiatric and medical care for our child. This has included decisions regarding schooling, treatment, medications, hospitalizations, psychiatrists, therapists, discipline, and boundaries. We sought education on mental health and specific diagnoses. We participated in family counseling and support groups. Through it all, I mistakenly believed that if I made the “right” decisions my child would find health and happiness. Health and happiness the world defined for me through social media and “normal” life paths. Success the school defined for me by grades and achievements. Good parenting stigma defined for me as obedient children and good outcomes. With this perspective, my only conclusion had to be that I was not a good parent who had done it all wrong.

There is no room for forgiveness in judgement and perfectionism. There is no healing in blame and shame. I have come to realize that I made good decisions and bad decisions, loving decisions and decisions made out of frustration, decisions I am sure about and a lot I am still unsure about. I will continue to make decisions that only time will tell the effects of. I have come to understand that mental illnesses are physical illnesses and should be treated the same. I know that I have made decisions that have hurt and a lot that have helped. It is easier for me to forgive others and their choices than it is for me to forgive myself and my choices. It is easier to forgive the effects mental illness has had on our family than it is to forgive myself for the effects I have had. Forgiving myself is a process of knowing better so I can do better, accepting I am imperfect and human, loving and valuing myself flaws and all, apologizing to those I have harmed, and being gentle with myself. I have found healing and joy in forgiveness, especially forgiving myself.