by Kayla Myers, Peer Support coordinator

July 21, 2025

Every year, National Parents’ Day comes and goes, and honestly, I didn’t even know it existed until a few years ago. There are no balloons or wrapped gifts. No themed parties, school plays, or glittery cards like we see on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. And honestly? That’s what makes it feel more real to me.

Parenting doesn’t usually look like a greeting card. It’s unfiltered. It’s behind the scenes. It’s deeply personal. It’s also the hardest, but most sacred, thing I’ve ever done.

Parenting is early mornings with tired eyes and late nights filled with worry. It’s asking myself, Did I say the right thing? Was I too soft? Too strict? Too distracted? Too emotional? Am I giving them enough? Am I enough? It’s making a thousand decisions a day and second-guessing at least half of them. It’s pouring from a cup that sometimes feels empty, and still showing up the next day with whatever strength I can find. Because their love keeps me going.

And yet, even in the chaos, there is so much beauty.

There’s laughter that echoes through the house, sometimes because of something silly, sometimes for no reason at all. There are milestones—and messy milestones. Little victories that might go unnoticed by the world, but mean everything to us. There are those quiet, sacred moments when I look at my kids and catch a glimpse of the people they’re becoming, and I think, “I get to be their mom.” That thought alone has carried me through some of the toughest days.

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual. I learned that fast the day I brought my oldest home from the hospital. And no two parenting journeys look the same. There are seasons of pure joy, and there are seasons that feel like sheer survival. I’ve had to learn to let go of the idea that I need to do it all on my own. I’ve leaned on the support of other parents. I’ve asked for help, even when it was hard. And I’ve reminded myself that perfection isn’t the goal, presence is.

So this month, in honor of National Parents’ Day, I want to pause and recognize all of us who are simply doing the best we can.

Whether you’re a birth parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, bonus parent, grandparent raising grandchildren, or a chosen parent, your love matters. Your consistency matters. YOU matter.

Let’s keep building each other up. Let’s offer grace instead of guilt. Let’s remind ourselves—and each other—that even on the hardest days, we are doing something deeply meaningful.

Because at the heart of parenting lies a quiet, powerful truth: we are shaping lives with our love. It may be messy. It may be imperfect. But it is real and it is enough.

From one parent to another: Happy National Parents’ Day. You’re doing better than you think.

With love and solidarity,
A fellow mom who gets it

(Edited and Enhanced by ChatGPT)

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Training Coordinator

July 8, 2025

Chronic Disease Awareness Day is observed annually on July 10 and was created to increase the public’s understanding of chronic diseases and illnesses, promote advocacy for better healthcare access, and support those living with chronic illnesses and their families.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “Chronic diseases are defined broadly as conditions that last 1 year or more and require ongoing medical attention or limit activities of daily living or both. Chronic diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and diabetes are the leading causes of death and disability in the United States. They are also leading drivers of the nation's $4.5 trillion in annual health care costs. 6 in 10 Americans have at least one chronic disease, and 4 in 10 have two or more chronic diseases. Many preventable chronic diseases are caused by a short list of risk behaviors: smoking, poor nutrition, physical inactivity, and excessive alcohol use. Some groups are at higher risk of chronic diseases because of conditions where they are born, live, work, and age. These nonmedical factors, called social determinants of health, can be positive or negative. When they are negative, they limit the opportunities to make healthy choices and get good medical care. For example, some communities lack safe spaces like parks for people to be active, or grocery stores that sell fresh fruits and vegetables. In some rural areas, it's hard to get medical care because of doctor shortages, hospital closures, or long distances to care. This makes it challenging to get preventive screenings or specialist follow-up care.”

Other common chronic conditions include hypertension, high cholesterol, arthritis, obesity, depression and other mental health disorders, chronic respiratory diseases such as COPD, chronic kidney disease, chronic liver disease, Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia, and asthma. Causes of chronic disease can be genetics, lifestyle choices, and environmental factors. Other risk factors besides the previously mentioned ones of smoking, poor nutrition, physical inactivity, and excessive alcohol use include age, family history of disease, exposure to environmental toxins and pollution, chronic stress, and lack of sleep.

Mental health conditions, including depression, are often not thought of as chronic diseases or illnesses. The National Council on Aging in their article The Top 10 Most Common Chronic Conditions in Older Adults writes about depression, “15% of older adults have depression—a treatable medical condition that is not a normal part of aging. Depression causes persistent feelings of sadness, pessimism, hopelessness, fatigue, difficulty making decisions, changes in appetite, a loss of interest in activities, and more.” The article goes on to list steps that can be taken to help with depression such as managing stress through social support or meditation, eating healthy foods which can positively affect your mood, exercising for both physical and psychological benefits, and talking with professionals including a primary care doctor, therapist, or psychiatrist.

Managing the physical, mental, and emotional toll of chronic diseases can be isolating for both the individual and their family. As people in recovery and parents/caregivers of children with special healthcare needs including behavioral health, we know firsthand the feelings of frustration, isolation, despair, and hopelessness. We know the challenges of finding treatment and advocating to be heard. We know the hope in finding joy and meaning living with chronic health conditions. The following data is from West’s report titled Strengthening Chronic Care: Patient Engagement Strategies For Better Management of Chronic Conditions and resonated with me as a parent of children with behavioral health challenges and as a Family Peer Supporter:

• Approximately 1 in 5 patients feel anxious (21%) or frustrated (20%) dealing with their disease.
• 26% of patients experience physical exhaustion after being diagnosed with a chronic condition. 24% of patients feel angry upon being diagnosed with a chronic condition. 23% of patients have difficulty sleeping after receiving a chronic disease diagnosis.
• 70% of patients with a chronic condition want more resources or clarity to help manage their disease. 91% of patients say they need help managing their disease.
• 88% of patients who want assistance managing their condition say help with their treatment would make a difference in their overall state of health.

Children’s Hospital of Colorado’s online resource Parent Toolkit: Parenting a Child With a Chronic Illness begins by stating, “Parenting a child with chronic illness can be a challenge for the entire family. Emotions like anger, sadness and worry, paired with invasive medical procedures, medication side effects and disruptions to family routine, can lead to a volatile mix at home.” The resource goes on to share the importance of “good parenting” despite the child’s illness. “Amid the stress and strain of chronic illness, it’s tempting to let challenging behavior and emotional outbursts slide. But like all children, children with chronic illness do best when held to standards of behavior, appropriate discipline and consistent limits.” The article goes on to list how a parent can best support their child:

• Communicate openly
• Maintain a schedule
• Establish limits and behavioral expectations
• Use appropriate and consistent discipline
• Promote treatment adherence
• Avoid power struggles
• Take care of yourself
• Help your child cope
• Work closely with the school

Just reading the list and the accompanying “tips” for each one left me feeling overwhelmed and patronized. In trying to keep my child alive and fight everyone (hospitals, doctors, insurance companies, school administration, treatment centers, government entities) for proper services, I had little time, energy, or mental capacity left for “everyday” parenting. Yes, the above list holds with my values and are things I would have liked to be able to focus on. Well-meaning advice from articles, professionals, family and friends often left me feeling defeated, overwhelmed, and a failure as a parent. What I could have used were meals, offers to babysit my other child, grace, encouragement, coffee, and non-judgmental support. This is why I am an advocate for peer support. The writers of this article and the people in my life without children with chronic illnesses have the best of intentions and want to help but cannot offer the empathy and support that someone with lived experience can.

At the end of this article is a link to Parent Toolkit: Strategies for Maximizing your Child's Health- A toolkit for parents of children who are chronically ill with this picture:

I don’t know about other parents with chronically ill children, but my trips to the hospital did not look like this! However, I feel The Parent Toolkit’s opening paragraph does reflect my reality, “Having a child diagnosed with a chronic illness alters every aspect of a family’s life. Besides the procedures and medical appointments, the paperwork, the uncertainty, the disruption to work and school, there’s also the fact that your child is sick. That’s a hard thing to accept. Caring for a chronically ill child can feel stressful and time-consuming, and parenting decisions that used to be easy can suddenly feel very hard.”

Whether you have a chronic disease or illness or are the parent or caregiver of a child who has a chronic disease, you are not alone. There are others with similar lived experiences ready to support you. Reach out to Montana’s Peer Network or visit our website. You can also find more information at Chronic Disease Awareness Day.

by Kayla Myers, Peer Support coordinator

June 24, 2025

I’m a mom of boys, loud, messy, hilarious, curious, deep-feeling boys.

And if I’m honest, one of my greatest hopes, besides them eventually learning to do their laundry and clean up after themselves, is that they grow into men who feel safe being whole. Not just strong or stoic or successful. But soft when they need to be. Honest. Vulnerable. Supported.

Because here’s the truth, one I’ve heard from every mom of boys and quietly carried myself: the world still struggles to let our sons be fully human.

We tell our kids, “It’s okay to cry,” but somewhere between kindergarten and manhood, that message gets lost. Replaced by phrases like “man up,” “don’t be soft,” and “real men don’t talk about their feelings.” And those words don’t just bounce off; they sink in. They settle deep.

As moms, we see their hearts before the world tells them to hide them. We see the quiet anxiety before the tough-guy mask forms. We know the pressure they carry in silence, the self-doubt buried behind humor, the frustration when they don’t have the words to explain what’s going on inside.

June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. And if it reminds me of anything, it’s this:

We don’t just need to raise good men.
We need to raise whole men.

Men who know it's okay to ask for help.
Men who’ve had practice expressing what they feel.
Men who’ve seen someone care about what’s happening beneath the surface.

Here’s what I’m doing, or I should say, what I’m trying, daily:

• I ask them how they’re feeling, and I try not to rush past the silence.
• I talk about therapy like it’s normal, because it is.
• I praise emotional honesty just as much as achievements.
• I work on asking for help myself, because they’re always watching.

In my eyes, no boy should grow up believing his feelings make him weak.

So, whether you're a parent, an aunt, a coach, a teacher, or a friend, be part of the voice that says:

You don’t have to pretend you're okay when you’re not.
You’re not less of a man for needing support.
You’re more of one for knowing when to reach out.

To my sons, and all the boys growing into men:
Your mind matters.
Your emotions matter.
You matter.

Let’s raise them to believe it.

(Edited and Enhanced with ChatGPT)

by Kayla Myers, Peer Support Coordinator

January 28, 2025

April is Autism Awareness Month, a time that holds deep meaning for my family and countless others around the world. My son is almost 9 years old, and he is non-speaking. While he may not use words in the way most people do, he communicates in a hundred other beautiful, meaningful ways. I am always seeking the words for my personal hero, my son.

When I first heard the words “your child is on the autism spectrum,” I felt everything at once: fear, love, confusion, and an overwhelming desire to understand what the future might hold. I imagined the challenges he might face, the misunderstandings, the uphill battles. But what I couldn’t yet see was how much he would teach me. He has taught me valuable lessons about patience, resilience, perspective, and the power of connection that doesn’t require words.

Our days are filled with routines and rhythms that make sense to him. He used to spend hours lining up his toys in a way only he could understand, watching water swirling endlessly down the drain, and listening to the same song over and over again. These are just the things that bring him comfort and joy. They are just a few examples of how he experiences the world. And when I slow down and truly see things through his eyes, I realize how much intention, beauty, and clarity live in the moments that I used to overlook.

He may be non-speaking, but he is never silent. His laughter lights up the room when something speaks his language. His eyes sparkle when he wants to share a moment with me. His hands flap joyfully when he’s proud of himself or when he is excited. And when he’s overwhelmed, I feel his pain in my bones. Even when he doesn’t say, “Mom, I need help,” I know. And I respond with everything I have.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned as a mother is this: communication is so much more than words. It’s gestures, eye contact, presence, energy, and love. In our home, we celebrate every form of expression. Whether it’s pointing, using a communication device, pulling me toward what he needs, or simply placing his hand in mine when he’s seeking comfort. These are his words. And they are valid. They are powerful. And this is when I feel so connected to the idea of connection.

I’ve always been a people person. I may not excel at the things most people do, but I get people. I easily read between the lines, I am very aware of the subtle shifts in body language, the emotion behind a glance, the weight carried in a quiet moment. I’ve come to understand that everyone has a story, and that what we see on the surface is just one layer of many. I know that life can be painful. And I find grace in my ability to hold space for others, not to fix or solve, but simply to sit with them in their pain, to truly see them, and to understand even just a fragment of what they’re carrying.

But it’s my son, my beautiful, non-speaking son — who has helped me take that ability to a deeper level. He has taught me how to truly listen without words, how to tune in to the language of presence, energy, and emotion. In walking alongside him, I’ve learned to support what’s unspoken with more compassion and clarity than I ever thought possible.

Autism Awareness Month is about more than awareness, it’s about acceptance, understanding, and celebration. It’s about recognizing that autistic individuals, whether they speak or not, bring extraordinary strengths, perspectives, and beauty into this world. My son has shown me that every child deserves to be seen, heard, and honored exactly as they are.

So if you’re reading this, I invite you to lean in. Listen. Learn. Unlearn. Listen to parents like me, yes — but more importantly, listen to autistic individuals themselves. Their voices matter most. They are the true experts on their own experience. And often, the very people the world tries to speak for.

Let’s build a world where all kinds of communication are valued, where neurodiversity is not just accepted but embraced, and where being non-speaking never means being unheard.

To my beautiful boy: you are brave, man, you are brave. You are brilliant and I know more brilliant than I could even understand. And you are deeply loved, exactly as you are. I will always be your voice until the world learns how to truly listen. 

Edited and enhanced by ChatGPT

by Kayla Myers, Peer Support coordinator

January 23, 2025

As a mother of a son with Autism, the International Day of Acceptance holds deep personal significance for me. It’s a day to reflect, celebrate, and share the importance of understanding and embracing our children. Especially those whose voices may not be heard in the traditional sense. My son, like many others with Autism, is nonverbal. This means he does not communicate with words in the way most people do. But despite the silence, he communicates in many profound ways. Sometimes through his actions, his eyes, and his presence.

International Day of Acceptance is a reminder that every person, regardless of their abilities, deserves to be embraced for who they are. It’s a day for the world to look beyond diagnoses, move past assumptions, and to focus on the value of each individual. It’s a day to affirm that differences do not diminish worth.

As a mom, my journey has been filled with challenges, but it has also been filled with extraordinary growth and learning. Autism, in all its forms, is not something that needs to be fixed. It’s something that should be embraced, understood, respected, and supported. Yes, my son’s Autism is a part of him, but so is his laughter, his love for music, and his unique way of seeing the world. Being nonverbal means that my son doesn’t use speech to express his needs or feelings. I’m convinced it must be isolating for him. But it has also taught me to listen in new ways. I’ve learned to pay attention to the subtle cues: the way his vocal stims change based on how he’s feeling, the way his arms flap when he’s excited, the way he tugs at my hand when he needs something, the way his eyes light up when he’s engaging with something that fascinates him. These moments are communication. His language is one that speaks volumes even without a single word.

Acceptance is everything. But it’s about more than tolerance. It’s about truly recognizing humanity in each person, whether or not, they fit the mold of what society expects. On this day, I want people to understand that my son, though nonverbal, is not any less capable of experiencing joy, love, or connection. He has his own rhythm and his own voice. One that doesn’t need to be heard in words to be meaningful. I see the world sometimes treating individuals with Autism as if they are broken or in need of fixing. But I’ve come to realize that my son is not broken. He is exactly who he is meant to be. And while we work together to support his development, through therapy and other interventions. What he needs most is acceptance. He doesn’t need the world to change him. He needs the world to embrace him, to make space for his uniqueness, and to see the brilliance that exists within him.

International Day of Acceptance isn’t just about raising awareness of Autism. It’s about creating an inclusive world where all individuals, regardless of how they communicate or move through life, can thrive. It’s about schools, workplaces, and communities that recognize and value neurodiversity, that offer support systems to help everyone succeed. It’s about breaking down the barriers that exist in our perceptions, and instead, cultivating a society where differences are celebrated.

As a mother, I envision a world where my son’s voice, whether spoken or not, is heard. A world where he feels seen, understood, and accepted. He is deserving of love, friendship, and opportunity, just like any other child. My hope is that the International Day of Acceptance can serve as a reminder to all of us: that no matter how we communicate, or what challenges we may face, we are all worthy of respect and kindness. If you see my son and others like him, don’t shy away because he isn’t speaking. Don’t feel uncomfortable because you don’t understand his needs immediately. Instead, take a moment to learn from him. Engage with him in the ways he invites, whether it’s through a smile, a shared look, or an action. Ask questions. Offer patience. Offer kindness. My son’s silence does not define him. It is simply one of many ways that he experiences and interacts with the world. He is intelligent, creative, funny, and full of life. His Autism is just one part of who he is. An aspect of him that shapes his world in beautiful and unique ways.

This International Day of Acceptance, I ask for more than awareness. I ask for understanding. I ask for respect. I ask for a world where my son, and all children with any disability, can feel the embrace of acceptance, today and every day.

By Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

November 19, 2024

To celebrate National Child’s Day, I find myself reflecting on the incredible journey of motherhood and the two beautiful boys who have forever changed my life. It’s a day to honor children, yes, but for me, it’s also a moment to pause and truly appreciate the little hands that grip mine so tightly, the laughter that echoes through our home, and the endless moments of joy and challenges that come with raising two unique and wonderful souls.

I still remember the day each of my boys was born, how I felt a rush of love so deep it felt like it could never be contained. Years later, that love continues to evolve into something even more profound. Watching them grow and navigate the world makes me marvel at their strength, curiosity, and boundless imagination. Each day they remind me of the simplest things like a butterfly on a spring morning or the joy summer time approaching brings with warm weather and longer days. They both have so much beauty and magic in their souls, I am so thankful to watch them grow. In their eyes, life is an adventure; every day is an opportunity to learn and discover something new.

Easton is my firstborn and is a wild spirit, the one who keeps us on our toes. He’s full of energy, always moving, always asking questions. My youngest is the thinker, and Easton is the doer. He doesn’t wait for the world to come to him, he runs headfirst into it. His confidence is contagious. It’s impossible to feel sad when Easton is around. He has this way of making even the most mundane activities feel like an exciting adventure. Whether he's telling a joke, building a tower that’s taller than he is, or exploring the backyard like it’s a jungle, Easton brings an infectious joy to our home that makes life feel like one big celebration.

Bryce, my youngest, is an old soul in a young body. He’s the quiet thinker, the one who keeps to himself and finds joy in the simple things in life. Although he is non-verbal, his curiosity never seems to have limits, and his mind is always working. What I admire most about him is his ability to touch your heart and soul without saying a single word. Even at a young age, he has this incredible ability to sense when someone needs comfort, whether it's his family, someone he knows well, or a stranger. It humbles me to watch him interact with the world in such a thoughtful way.

On National Children’s Day, I think about what it means to raise these two boys. How I am both a teacher and a student in this journey of parenthood. They are constantly teaching me to be more patient, more present, and more open to the world around me. I have learned to find joy in the smallest moments. Whether it’s a homemade card that reads “I love you, Mom” or the way they both rush to greet me after school, faces lit up with excitement to share the details of their day.

I also reflect on the responsibility that comes with being their parent. Every decision I make, every lesson I teach, and every word I say, will shape their understanding of the world. I want them to grow up knowing they are loved unconditionally, that kindness is one of the most important virtues, and that they are capable of achieving anything they set their hearts to. I want them to embrace their uniqueness, to be proud of who they are, and to never lose their sense of wonder.

Being a mom is a wild ride, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Watching my boys grow and develop into their own little people, each with their own dreams, quirks, and strengths, fills me with love and pride that words often fail to capture. National Child’s Day serves as a reminder to celebrate not just the joys of being a child but the incredible privilege it is to be a parent.

To my boys, Easton and Bryce: thank you for making every day an adventure. Thank you for showing me what true joy and love look like. You are my heart, my world, and my greatest blessings. I can’t wait to see where life takes us next.

Happy National Child’s Day! Here’s to all the giggles, the messes, the milestones, and the beautiful moments we share together. You are my everything.

*Edited and Formatted: ChatGPT

As a parent of a nonverbal child with autism, our journey has been a tapestry woven with both challenges and triumphs. One of the most significant threads in this tapestry has been understanding sensory processing disorder (SPD) and its profound impact on my son. SPD is often found in children on the autism spectrum and manifests in various sensitivities and reactions to sensory stimuli. By sharing our experiences, I hope not only to advocate for my son but also to raise awareness and support others who are facing similar challenges.

Sensory processing disorder refers to the brain’s difficulty in interpreting and responding to sensory information. This can include sensitivities to light, sound, touch, taste, and smell. For children like my son, everyday environments can become overwhelming and stressful, leading to withdrawal or, when multiple irritations stack up, meltdowns.

Simple activities, such as grocery shopping or attending social gatherings, can be daunting for my son. Bright lights and loud noises in stores often lead to sensory overload. I vividly remember a trip to a crowded supermarket; the bright fluorescents seemed to pulse, and the announcements echoed. My son quickly became agitated, covering his ears, his stimming became louder, and he was tensing up. In that moment, I realized that what might seem like a routine errand to others was an overwhelming experience for him.

At home, certain textures can trigger strong reactions. For instance, he struggles with shirts that feel staticky against his skin, finding certain fabrics unbearable. This has taught me the importance of being mindful of his clothing choices and providing comfortable alternatives. Food can also be particularly challenging; he tends to avoid trying new things and prefers to stick to familiar favorites.

Through trial and error, we’ve developed strategies to help him navigate these sensory challenges. Here are some approaches that have worked for us:

1. Creating a Sensory Retreat: We’ve designated his room as a “sensory retreat.” It’s equipped with soft pillows, weighted blankets, dim lights, a soft rug, a rocking chair, and calming toys. When he feels overwhelmed, he knows he can retreat to this safe space to decompress.
2. Establishing Routine: A consistent daily routine has helped my son feel more secure. Knowing what to expect reduces anxiety and prepares him for sensory-rich environments.
3. Visual Supports: Visual schedules, social stories, and his communication device have been invaluable in preparing him for new experiences. By explaining what he might encounter, we can discuss potential challenges and strategies in advance.
4. Stimming: I’ve witnessed how stimming helps my son regulate his emotions and navigate challenging situations. For example, during a busy family gathering, the noise and commotion can quickly become overwhelming. In those moments, I see him begin to pace or hum softly to himself, “eee”. This rhythmic movement offers him a sense of grounding, helping him find calm amidst the chaos. Stimming, or self-stimulatory behavior, encompasses a wide range of actions, such as hand-flapping, rocking, spinning, or making sounds. For many children with autism, these behaviors serve as a way to self-soothe, manage sensory overload, or simply express joy. It’s a natural response to their unique ways of interacting with the world around them.

As we navigate the complexities of SPD together, I’ve learned to embrace my son’s unique perspective. His heightened awareness of sensory details often leads to moments of profound wonder. He notices the rustle of leaves, the patterns of sunlight through trees, he watches every ripple and wave in the water, and the intricate details of everyday life that many of us overlook. This sensitivity, while challenging, enriches our shared experiences and deepens our connection.

Connecting with other parents of children with autism has been incredibly beneficial. Sharing stories and strategies creates a sense of community and reassurance. Support groups, both in-person and online, serve as lifelines for parents seeking understanding and advice. If you’re on a similar journey, know that you’re not alone. Together, we can navigate the complexities of sensory processing and celebrate the unique perspectives our children bring to the world. Let’s continue to learn, share, and support one another in this remarkable journey of parenthood.

Living with a son who has autism and sensory processing disorder has reshaped my understanding of the world. While the challenges of navigating what works and what doesn’t can be overwhelming, they are accompanied by moments of profound beauty and connection. By focusing on understanding his sensory needs and advocating for him, I aim to create a nurturing environment where he can thrive.

By Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

September 24, 2024

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition ignited, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller

Today, I invite you to join me on a journey. The map I was given at birth was filled with detours, unexpected stops, fast-paced highways, and scenic routes, accompanied by plenty of bumps and flat tires. Through adaptation and countless obstacles, I navigated a less-traveled road—a highway leading to self-awareness and recovery. I want to pause a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude to each of you here today reading this. I know you have faced your own battles, and your presence signifies that you’ve found hope after being hurt and discovered the courage to keep showing up for yourselves. Thank you for allowing me the space to be vulnerable and share my story.

Before I dive into my successes, I must be honest about the struggles and losses I've faced—mostly at my own hands, but also at the hands of others. I am a survivor of complex trauma, navigating a world shaped by anxiety and depression. I received a late diagnosis of ADHD. For thirty years, I excelled at being what everyone else needed, so much so that I lost sight of who I was and what I truly wanted in life. I thought I had it all figured out, only to find myself in the ER at 18, convinced I was having a heart attack. The doctors told me my EKG results were immaculate. When I asked what it could mean, they casually dismissed it as “just a panic attack.” But how could that be? For years, I had expressed sympathy for those struggling with diagnoses, convinced that I was “fine.” My subconscious was screaming to be heard, and I simply ignored it. My college years became a whirlwind of chaos—fun, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and the persistent belief that I was okay.

Reflecting on the little girl born in June of 1990 is bittersweet. She faced challenges far beyond her years yet handled them with grace. Joyful, kind, confident, talkative, and emotionally mature, she saw the good in everyone, even in those who struggled to show it. I envy her resilience; she loved freely, expecting nothing in return. Perhaps I envy her because I am “her”—the same essence still resides within me. But I was naïve to the toll this ability to love could take on my bright spirit.

As years passed, friendships and romantic relationships flowed through cycles of joy, confusion, love, and heartache. I took a break from school to pursue promotions at work, where I felt valued and connected.

Becoming a mom was a beautiful chapter in my story. I thrived in that role, embracing the joys and challenges of motherhood in a new city. The love I felt for my son was unconditional, profound, and hard to articulate. Three and a half years later, I became pregnant with my second son, who also brought immense joy and tenderness into my life. Both my boys enriched my existence, and their uniqueness taught me how to love two individuals exactly as they were meant to be.

Despite the chaos, I cherish being a mother. Yet motherhood can be overwhelming—there are countless tasks to juggle, financial stresses, and the constant responsibility of ensuring another’s safety. While it brings an abundance of love, it also magnifies feelings of inadequacy. I was terrified of letting my boys down, leading me to second-guess myself repeatedly. My untreated anxiety intensified, occasionally spiraling into depression. Eventually, I found myself waking up and merely going through the motions. A neck injury compounded my sense of being lost, but counseling became a vital lifeline, providing me with a space to be heard.

When we moved to Montana, a place steeped in cherished childhood memories, my dreams began to take shape. I found a new flicker of hope, returning to work while my boys started school. But then I faced another challenge: my youngest’s regression with Autism. He lost his language and many of the abilities I had treasured. I mourned the child I once knew while stepping up to be the mother he needed.

I resumed counseling, and after two years of revisiting the same struggles, my therapist delivered a powerful revelation: “If you’re unhappy with your life, you have two choices. You can completely change how your life looks, or you need to find better solutions to feel comfortable in your current situation.” It was an awakening moment.

Four years ago, I grew weary of my narrative and finally admitted the truth: I was the only one who could change my life. I learned to listen to my inner voice and advocate for myself. EMDR therapy became transformative, helping me reclaim my life. Today, my boys are thriving. I’ve met a wonderful partner who loves me for who I am. I’ve embraced the role of being a bonus to a beautiful little girl. I am passionate about my work and a fierce advocate for others. My experiences have granted me the ability to meet people where they are, recognizing that the fundamental human need is connection. With even a glimmer of hope, beautiful transformations can occur.

Now, I stand proud of the person I see in the mirror. When I need a reminder, the little girl within me whispers that I am joyful, kind, confident, talkative, curious, and emotionally mature. I understand how the world works, and I strive to treat even the unloving with compassion. We are all born good, and we are all doing our best.

By Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

July 29, 2024

Receiving an autism diagnosis for your child can feel overwhelming, but it's also the beginning of a journey filled with hope, learning, and growth. As a parent, you may experience a whirlwind of emotions, from confusion and fear to relief and determination. Understanding how to navigate this new path will be filled with challenges but will eventually help you to provide the best support for your child and family. Here’s a compassionate guide to help you through this journey.

1. Allow Yourself to Process Your Emotions
It’s natural to feel a range of emotions upon receiving an autism diagnosis. It is important to give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the "expected" path for your child and then start to embrace this new reality. Talking to a counselor or joining a support group can be invaluable during this time.

2. Educate Yourself About Autism
Knowledge is power. Educate yourself about autism spectrum disorder (ASD) by reading reputable sources, attending workshops, speaking with professionals, and listening to others who have been diagnosed with ASD. Understanding the spectrum and recognizing that each child with autism is unique will help you better support your child.

3. Build a Support Network
Connecting with other parents who have navigated an autism diagnosis can provide emotional support and practical advice. Look for local or online support groups, forums, Family Peer Supporters, and social media communities. Networking with professionals like pediatricians, therapists, and special education teachers can also provide guidance and resources.

4. Create a Comprehensive Plan
Work with professionals to develop an individualized plan for your child. This might include therapies, educational strategies, and interventions tailored to your child's needs. Be proactive in setting up evaluations and seeking out specialists to address areas like speech, occupational, and behavioral therapy.

5. Advocate for Your Child
Be prepared to advocate for your child in various settings, including school, therapy sessions, and medical appointments. Understand your child’s rights and work with educators and therapists to ensure they receive the appropriate accommodation and support.

6. Focus on Strengths and Interests
While addressing challenges is important, don’t forget to celebrate and nurture your child’s strengths and interests. Encourage activities that they enjoy and excel in, as these can boost their self-esteem and provide meaningful outlets for expression.

7. Promote a Positive Home Environment
Create a supportive and understanding home environment. Use clear communication, establish routines, and offer plenty of positive reinforcement. This helps your child feel secure and can reduce anxiety and behavioral challenges.

8. Practice Self-Care
Caring for a child with autism can be demanding. Don’t neglect your well-being. Make time for activities that rejuvenate you, seek respite care when needed, and lean on your support network. Taking care of yourself ensures you’re better equipped to support your child.

9. Stay Flexible and Patient
The journey with autism is unique for each family. Be prepared for trial and error as you find what works best for your child. Flexibility and patience are crucial, as progress may come in small, incremental steps.

10. Celebrate Milestones
Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Each milestone is a testament to their hard work and growth, and recognizing these moments reinforces positive behavior and motivation.

Navigating an autism diagnosis as a parent is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs. By educating yourself, building a support network, advocating for your child, and focusing on their strengths, you can provide a nurturing and empowering environment for your child. Remember, you are not alone on this path, and with patience, resilience, and love, you can help your child thrive.
To find more information about navigating a diagnosis as a parent or caregiver, check out https://mtpeernetwork.talentlms.com. Soon you will find many training’s built by parents and caregivers based on their own lived experiences.

(Written by Kayla Myers and ChatGPT was used to build an outline)

Generated by AI, Edited by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

May 7, 2024

Strategies for Enhancing Mental Health in Children

In the complex landscape of mental health, resilience stands out as a beacon of hope and strength. For children dealing with mental health challenges, cultivating resilience is key. Resilience equips children with the ability to navigate adversity, bounce back from setbacks, and thrive despite life's inevitable challenges. As a mom of two fabulous children with mental health challenges, I often feel unequipped to help them navigate these challenges. If I had a magic wand and could, “poof,” free them from their mental health struggles, I would. I would give anything to take away their pain and my hurt that comes from watching my kids go through that pain. The following are tangible skills our kids can learn to increase resilience. Resilience in turn fosters their capacity for emotional well-being and success.

Resilience is not a fixed trait but rather a dynamic process influenced by various factors, including genetics, environment, and personal experiences. At its core, resilience encompasses the capacity to adapt positively in the face of adversity. Demonstrating resilience through adversity is not about avoiding stress or hardship, but rather about learning to cope effectively and grow stronger as a result. Children who possess resilience are better equipped to navigate challenges, form healthy relationships, and pursue their goals with determination and optimism.

Building Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy:

A fundamental aspect of resilience-building in children with mental health challenges is fostering self-esteem and self-efficacy. Positive self-esteem provides a solid foundation for resilience, enabling children to maintain a sense of self-worth and confidence in their abilities. Encouraging children to recognize their strengths, celebrate their achievements, and embrace their uniqueness helps bolster self-esteem. Similarly, promoting self-efficacy—the belief in one's ability to achieve goals—empowers children to tackle challenges with a sense of agency and optimism.

Cultivating Social Support Networks:

Social support plays a crucial role in nurturing resilience in children with mental health challenges. Strong, supportive relationships with family members, friends, teachers, and other trusted individuals provide a buffer against stress and adversity. Encouraging children to cultivate meaningful connections and seek help when needed fosters a sense of belonging and security. Helping children learn effective communication and interpersonal skills enhances their ability to navigate social interactions and build supportive relationships. I have found help with this through individual and family therapy.

Developing Coping Skills:

Equipping children with effective coping skills is essential for resilience-building. Coping skills empower children to manage stress, regulate emotions, and adapt to change constructively. Teaching children mindfulness techniques, relaxation exercises, and problem-solving strategies equips them with valuable tools for managing challenging situations. Additionally, encouraging healthy lifestyle habits such as regular exercise, adequate sleep, and nutritious diet promotes overall well-being and resilience. Other coping skills can include hobbies, music, art, talking to someone, labeling feelings, reading, asking for help, journaling, spending time with friends, or playing with a pet.

Fostering Emotional Regulation:

Emotional regulation is a cornerstone of resilience, enabling children to navigate intense emotions without becoming overwhelmed. Teaching children to identify and label their emotions, express themselves constructively, and regulate their reactions fosters emotional resilience. Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing exercises and guided imagery, can help children cultivate awareness of their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Creating a safe and supportive environment where children feel comfortable expressing their feelings without fear of judgment is essential for emotional resilience. Counselors, teachers, pastors, and support groups often provide this.

Encouraging Growth Mindset:

Instilling a growth mindset in children with mental health challenges is instrumental in fostering resilience. A growth mindset emphasizes the belief that intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort and perseverance. Encouraging children to embrace challenges, learn from failure, and persist in the face of setbacks cultivates resilience. By reframing setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning, children develop resilience-building attitudes that empower them to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals. I have heard it said, “If you’re not failing, you’re not growing.”

Promoting Meaningful Engagement:

Engaging children in activities that align with their interests, passions, and values creates a sense of purpose and resilience. Whether through sports, arts, hobbies, or community service, meaningful engagement provides children with opportunities to develop skills, build confidence, and connect with others. Encouraging children to pursue activities that bring them joy and fulfillment nurtures their resilience and fosters a sense of agency and purpose.

In the journey of navigating mental health challenges, resilience serves as a guiding light, illuminating the path towards healing and growth. By empowering children with the skills and attitudes to bounce back from adversity, we can help them thrive despite the challenges they face. Through building self-esteem, cultivating social support networks, developing coping skills, fostering emotional regulation, encouraging a growth mindset, and promoting meaningful engagement, we can equip our children with the resilience they need to navigate life's ups and downs with strength and resilience.

by Maureen Bjerke, Guest Contributor

April 3, 2024

Week of the Young Child is a nationally recognized week to celebrate young children and those who care for them. The goal is to raise awareness of the importance of early childhood and the impact the early years have on future development. Montana has many people working on strengthening the early childhood network in our state. In our Capital city, the Early Childhood Collaborative of the Greater Helena Area (the ECC) has been met with an overwhelming response from the community in support of this week-long celebration. Helena has recognized the event in some fashion for many years but this year is the biggest year yet!

While the Week of the Young Child is focused on children ages 0 to 8 years old, the impact of a supportive environment for children, families, and early childhood workers is a community-wide effort.

We are starting the week with a Kickoff Event on April 6th with free children’s screenings, fun activities for children and resources for caregivers. Self-care Sunday is a chance for loss parents to paint their own pottery while connecting with others who have experienced loss on their parenting journey. Our Music Monday class will encourage children to have fun while making music with their caregiver. Tasty Tuesday will give children the chance to make something new and enjoy eating what they just created. Work Together Wednesday facilitates interaction between the child and adult while doing something engaging and fun together. Artsy Thursday allows for the natural creativity of children to come through. Family Friday gives families a chance to spend time together - playing and laughing together is an amazing stress reliever.

Reading in the Rotunda is on Wednesday, April 10th. This event has been going on for many years. We will have fun guest story readers for preschool children and a resource fair where you can learn and explore services available to Helena families.

The Helena School District has set up school visits for preschoolers to visit their future school to aid in the huge transition of going to kindergarten.

This is just a portion of what’s being offered. Businesses are offering week-long discounts, deals or classes to children, families, and those who raise or work with them. Visit our website for a full list of events.

We are so grateful for the support from our community. We hope people know they are not alone, that their community supports them, and that we value our youngest residents.

Learn more about our Week of the Young Child

Maureen Bjerke 406-461-4449 (call or text is fine).

by Beth Ayers
February 27, 2024

Maintaining friendships while raising children with mental health challenges has been hard for me. I have narrowed down my list of “friends,” keeping those who could support me without judgement through extremely challenging times. I have also come to appreciate friends who are willing to say the hard things out of love that I need to hear. I deeply appreciate others who share in my lived experience and just “get it.” My own comparison and self-pity have caused me to keep some friends at a distance. The stigma associated with mental illness kept me silent about what my family was going through. And the stress of caring for my child, seeking out services, attending multiple appointments weekly, and emotional exhaustion left me little time to devote to my friendships.

In the early years of raising children, my friends were moms at playgroup, moms whose kids were in the same grade and school as mine, or moms of the friends my child played with. Additionally, I became closer with my friends who were also having and raising children. We would talk about our kids, share parenting advice, and encourage each other that this stage we were in wouldn’t last forever. My biggest frustration was taking home parenting techniques that others swore by and have them not work for my child. It was also easy to compare milestones and worry when my child didn’t do what all the other kids were doing. I put pressure on myself to have the child that listened and didn’t get into trouble, or at least not have the one that misbehaved the worst! I still have a few friends from this time in my life. Our kids are now 19 years old, and it seems impossible they were ever little.

I never felt very close to my child’s classmates’ parents. The ones I chatted with when dropping off my child at their house to play or picking them up from school. The ones I sat with during all the seasons of soccer practice and games. Soccer, which by the way, has a fall season AND a spring season and there is usually snow on the ground for both. I would suggest choosing a sport for your Kindergartner that is offered only once a year or is played indoors. These friendships rarely moved past our kids and when the sport season or school year was over, I didn’t keep in touch with them.

My child maintained some close friends throughout school, and I developed friendships with some of their parents. It was always awkward when a mom and I were close and our kids quit liking each other. This seemed to happen quite often in middle school. During my child’s 8^th grade graduation ceremony, I sat next to a mom I was close friends with while our children ignored each other or shot glaring looks at each other and us. We decided that just because our children weren’t friends didn’t mean we had to stop being friends. As our kids grew, though, these parent friendships became hard for me. The conversations about updates on our kids or questions they would ask were hard for me. I didn’t know how to answer truthfully and still honor my child’s privacy. I also didn’t realize how simple questions about the usual course of life our kids take can be hurtful for parents whose kids’ lives didn’t take that course. Questions about prom or driver’s licenses, graduation or work or college, reminded me that my child wasn’t experiencing these things. Instead of joy, I felt sad that my dreams for my child weren’t being realized. I wished my biggest worry was prom dresses or college options. I was just trying to keep my child alive and decide on what sort of treatment to try next. It was hard for me to maintain these friendships without comparing my life with theirs and feeling sorry for myself. I have come to realize that there are more families whose lives don’t follow the norm than do. Often times we don’t see behind the curtains of social media posts or polite conversations. I have had to let go of the friendships, through no fault of the other parent, that keep me stuck in self-pity and jealousy.

Mental illness is a tricky subject. We don’t talk openly about it whether out of stigma, fear of judgement, trying to keep the other person’s privacy, or not wanting to explain that mental illness isn’t bad parenting. (And yes, I put my child in enough social activities, and yes, I have tried whatever parenting program you’re suggesting, thanks for asking.) I know everyone means well and I know that until you have or know someone who has a mental illness, it is hard to understand. Our “fix” reflex comes from love and wanting to help, and our society has a low tolerance for sitting with others in their pain. I didn’t feel like I could share my story because it involved so many details of my child’s story and my child was very private. Not sharing with my church family was particularly hard. I would have loved to ask for prayer or receive a casserole when my child was in the hospital. At one point, my child and the child of a couple in my Sunday School class were actually in the same hospital unit at the same time. And we didn’t know because mental illness wasn’t talked about. Here was a missed opportunity to walk with other parents who knew exactly what we were going through and support each other. That seemed so ridiculous to me. In fact, a fellow parent and I began a Mental Health Friends Network at our church to spread awareness and stop the stigma of mental illness. Our campaign slogan was, “Mental illness is a casserole illness, too!”

I had a few close friends I confided in, knowing they would keep things confidential. After all, I needed support too. These close friends walked with me down dark roads, held my hand and cried with me, listened without fixing or judging, and were there for me and my family through the hard years. I could be honest about my feelings of failure, frustration, self-pity, fear, grief, and resentment. I could also celebrate with them when things were going well at home or when my child was feeling healthy, knowing my friends were sincerely happy for me. And I could also be happy for them when they had great things happen in their lives or with their children. And I could support them when their lives were hard. These friends loved me enough to express their worries or offer altering points of view or tell me when my thinking was off. Whether I agreed or not, I trusted they had my best interest at heart and was able to hear them without getting defensive. They also loved my child and were there for everyone in my family. These are the real friendships I continue to be grateful for and cherish to this day.

by Beth Ayers

February 15, 2024

While raising children with behavioral health challenges, many of my relationships became strained. Some due to stress, others to comparison and self-pity, and a lot from feeling alone and misunderstood. The most important relationships impacted were my marriage, my relationship with my child, and my support network.

My husband and I had been married for 9 years when mental health began to serious affect our child’s health and our family’s life. Parenting in general can cause tension between couples. Being on the same page as each other, having similar parenting styles and values, agreeing on consequences, communicating effectively, and supporting each other are all things I have found important in raising children with my husband. And all things I have had to learn and work on. Every family has their struggles and goes through ups and downs. Through trying times, I was able to turn to my parents, friends, and other moms for support. When my difficulty became more than common parenting challenges but parenting a child with behavioral health needs, those relationships shifted and the way I needed to be supported changed. My husband and I had been going to marriage counseling. I had been attending Al-Anon meetings. I had made friends with other moms with kids in the same grade as mine. I was part of a church community and Sunday school class. My loving and supportive parents lived close by.

When we discovered our child was self-harming, we had no clue who to turn to. I didn’t know anyone who had dealt with this with their children. We called our counselor, who had also been seeing our child for a short time after teachers expressed concern. He suggested talking in a safe environment, asking what was going on and how we could help. When that didn’t work, the counselor went with us to the ER to have our child evaluated. Behavioral health, mental illness, and psychiatric hospitals were not things I was familiar with. I didn’t know what decisions to make, what questions to ask, or how to help my child. My husband and I found ourselves on an emotional rollercoaster and didn’t know where it was taking us or how to make it stop. Our child was admitted into the youth in-patient psychiatric center, and we went home heartbroken, panicked, exhausted, and unsure if we had done the right thing.

I called my 3 closest friends. They were as shocked as I was. I remember one praying with me over the phone and how comforting that was. The next day we went for visiting time and met with the case worker. The whole process was unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I had to leave my coat, cell phone, keys, and purse in a locker. I signed in and was given a visitor’s badge, buzzed through the wide double doors, walked down the long hallway pass children in the day program, and buzzed into the ward. My parents also visited. This was all new to them, too. If our youngest child was with us, we would meet in the common area with supervision. Our child asked us to contact her friends’ parents and ask if the friends could call her. I called, explained the situation and the request, and none of the friends called. I don’t blame the parents or kids. I’m not sure I would have wanted my child to call a friend in the psychiatric hospital. Not knowing any better, I probably would have also discouraged their friendship. What I, and a lot of people, thought of as “bad behavior” was actually mental illness. And mental illness isn’t contagious. If our child had been in the hospital with cancer or a burst appendix, friends and parents and all who cared for us would have visited and called. We would have asked openly for prayers at church. Casseroles would have been delivered. The stigma of mental illness kept us quiet and friends away.

We continued raising our child through high school with many more hospital stays, challenges, and healing. During that time, it was hard for me to see the grade school friends, now distant, out with their parents, going to prom, working at their first job, and getting their learner’s permit. I saw other parents doing things with their kids that I had dreamed I would be doing with mine. I compared my life with others’ social media posts and felt alone, sad, and sorry for myself. We told very few people, even my grandparents and aunts and uncles didn’t know. Close friends who I could be honest with didn’t know how to respond. I often heard “I’m sure it’s only a phase.”, “Did you put them in enough activities when they were young?”, and “Maybe what you both need is a day to relax or a family vacation.” My well-meaning friends were also unfamiliar with mental illness and wanted to treat it like a bad mood or bad parenting. Their desire to fix or say the right thing to make me feel better left me feeling misunderstood and isolated. The chronic stress and constant battles of raising a child with any extra medical needs is exhausting and can affect parents’ mental health, physical health, work, and home life. I spent so much time making appointments, driving to appointments, waiting in waiting rooms, fighting for services, learning all I could about mental illness and how to be a better parent, researching treatments and resources, and trying to care for and not fight with my child, I had little time or energy for my marriage. Worrying about my child often came out as anger towards my husband or irritability at everything. It was hard to remember we were on the same team in a house at war. I felt overwhelmed and unsupported. My parents were always supportive in their own way and loved all of us. I found it hard to make different choices for my child than they made for me without defending myself or criticizing them. They loved me, their daughter. But they also fiercely loved their grandchild and would do anything they could to help, even if it meant going against me. I felt hurt and angry.

I have found relationships involve hard work, vulnerability, the risk of being hurt or let down, uncomfortable conversations, honest feelings, acceptance, forgiveness, and healing. They are ever evolving. They come and go depending on what season of life I’m in. They are important to me. Some of the relationships I had I no longer have. Some have grown for the better. Some are still strained. Some are stronger. Some are new. All have been changed by mental illness.

by  Beth Ayers, Family Peer Support Lead

October 3, 2023

I am a mom of two, now adult, children with behavioral health challenges and I work as a Family Peer Supporter helping other parents currently raising children with special healthcare needs including behavioral health. As a Family Peer Supporter, I get to walk beside families and help lift their burden by listening and connecting through a shared lived experience. Parenting is stressful in and of itself. It’s a full-time job with no training manual. Parents don’t clock in and clock out. They don’t get to call in sick. And a literal life depends on how well you do! Like most moms, I envisioned the future for my children including friends, activities, school, summer camp, growing up, high school dances, graduation, college, marriage, children of their own, and so on. I also envisioned my relationship with my kids to be loving and close. Of course, I was aware all this included the terrible 2’s and rough teenage years. But never did I imagine mental health diagnoses, psychiatric hospital stays, broken relationships, not finishing high school, or residential programs for my children. I suppose nobody does. We all want the best for our children and it’s hard to watch our kids struggling and hurting.

According to research, 31% of parents of children with special healthcare needs experience clinical depression. That’s compared to only 7% of parents of children without these extra needs¹. Special healthcare needs can include physical, developmental, or intellectual disabilities, mental health or substance use disorders, or any complex medical care need. The two most likely contributors to the increased risk for depression are chronic caregiver stress and financial stress. From my own experience, it encompasses much more.

For me, depression came as part of the grieving process as I let go of my hopes and dreams for my children. I also experienced depression from trying to do everything perfectly and worrying the worst would happen if I didn’t. Depression was the result of long days of constant parenting battles and treatment plans and emotional escalations. It was from all of the feelings I felt (sadness, desperation, anger, love, loneliness, fear, joy, hope, heartache, compassion, resentment, self-pity) and not knowing what to do with most of them. It was the stress of constant appointments and therapies on top of the other daily responsibilities of school, work, chores, dinner, homework, pets, bills, etc. that I didn’t have the physical, mental, or emotional energy for. Depression was the result of the judgement and misunderstanding I felt from others and the blame and guilt I felt from myself. Depression for me was feeling overwhelmed, irritable, and hopeless. Depression made me want to give up and give in. Some days I just couldn’t do it anymore.

And then I was told the answer was self-care. I needed to manage my stress better. What?! How?! When?! With what “extra” time and money and energy?! I was so busy and focused on caring for my child and their needs and wellness that I overlooked my own. My child’s health and safety were my top concerns. I just wanted everyone to be okay and life to go as I had planned. But we’ve all heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” The depression I struggle with is part genetic, part situational. Over the years, I have learned the signs of my depression and how to remove stress from my life. I’ve learned how to work through feelings and accept life’s messiness better. The Family Peer Supporters at MPN are taking a Caregiver Wellness training. I have learned some great strategies and been reminded of things that have worked for me in the past. Here are a few:

• Deciding, on purpose, how I will react to stress. I can view it as something to be avoided at all costs and react with survival methods such as fight or flight. Or I can view stress as helpful and see it as a challenge. Fight or flight responses deplete my energy, whereas a challenge response energizes me to rise to the occasion.
• Realizing I stress about things because I care about them. I love my children. I can focus on the gratitude I feel for having someone so special in my life.
• Changing my view of stress. Whether I think stress is harmful or helpful, I’m right. I can let stress drive me towards people and connection or I can let it drive me away towards isolation. I can learn and grow from stress and find new tools to help me handle stress better. I can find meaning in my circumstances such as helping other families as a Family Peer Supporter.
• Adjusting my expectations to meet the reality of my situation. Unrealistic expectations add stress to my life and increase my depression. My child may not get through the school day with a regular class schedule like other kids. But we can shorten the day or adjust the number of times they change classes, relieving unneeded pressure and helping them succeed and thrive. Which in turn lessens my stress.
• Protecting against “Decision Paralysis.” When raising a child with a special healthcare need, not making a decision is usually not an option. I want to see into the future and make the “right” decision. I have found that there usually isn’t a “right” and “wrong” decision and it’s okay to make one based on the information I have right now. There will be more decisions to come. And when I realize a decision I made wasn’t the best, I can make another decision based on the new information I have.
• Accepting I don’t have the luxury to say yes to everything. I might want to be the class mom, Sunday school teacher, and the mom that makes every birthday treat from scratch. But the reality is my child’s needs are higher than most. My time and energy are more limited. Trying to do more than I can adds unnecessary stress to my life.

And last but not least: Being gentle with myself. Life is hard and messy and beautiful and wonderful all at the same time. I am going to mess up. I will make mistakes. I can learn from my mistakes. My patience will run out. I will have to apologize. I am human. I can take life one day at a time. I can enjoy the little wins, the moments of peace, the times I get to hug my children or kiss them goodnight. I love my children and I love myself. I am doing the best I can. You are doing the best you can. We are enough.

by Lea Wetzel, Drop-in Center Coordinator

August 8, 2023

I think this story really starts with my own background, and into my own childhood. I am the 6th generation healing from boarding schools in my family, so both my parents were affected and were in those schools growing up. There was a lot of traumas instilled in parenting growing up for all those generations before me, that were taken from their homes and put into boarding schools.

My mom grew up on a ranch in Blackfeet territory, and my dad grew up in that area, but right outside of Cut Bank on a farm. My mom was the oldest of 5 sisters and was treated like a boy on that ranch. She was abused and had to play the motherly role for her siblings by the time she was 12, because our grandma left the girls and my grandpa. So, she was always protective and strict in parenting us, and we didn’t go without, but we learned to work together and do what we were told.

My dad was the youngest boy out of 7 siblings and knew how it was to struggle. He always did what he could to listen and give us what he couldn’t have, but he also endured and seen a lot in his lifetime. It really continued to affect his mental health as he got older.

I grew up between Helena and Great Falls, after my parents split, when I was around 3, and my brother was 9. I got the gift of seeing two very different parenting skills. My mom hovered and made sure I did what I was supposed to, and when I didn’t, there were consequences. My dad was very trusting and comforting, but very enabling.

They both were amazing, and did the best with what they had, but I had one person in my life that gave me consistency, and that was my stepdad. My mom remarried when I was 7 years old. He was a teacher and coach in this community for over 50 years, and treated me and all my family, as if we were blood.

What he was one day, was what he was the next, and when he said he would do something, he did it, and he did it with integrity.

So, when I became a parent, I was 23 when I had my girl, and later 24, when I had my son. I was still in active addiction when I got pregnant, but soon after finding out I was pregnant, went to my first treatment center, for the good of my baby.

Sobriety never lasted, and recovery wasn’t something I can say I was a part of, until the last 6 years of my life.

I didn’t have many skills in the areas of boundaries, coping, emotional regularity, and self-care. I am sure if I had some of these, maybe, I would have had a better shot, but I still didn’t know how to live without my addictions and toxic mental health, front and center.

I learned the hard way, and my love for my kids showed me, that maybe I was not the best fit for them, when I couldn’t take care of myself. After not being consistent in my kids’ life, 8 years more of active addiction went by, and it was going into 17 years all together of being within the criminal justice system, I learned a lot, and took a lot of courses, classes, and groups. I had 7 treatment centers under my belt, and a couple mental health overnight stays as well. None of which gave me the hands-on support and empowered atmosphere I needed, until I was in a re-entry program that was trauma-informed and had a sense of a harm reduction model.

Something changed this last go, and I know it sounds cliché, but that is the best way I can describe it, without letting it take over this whole article.

I was able to get my kids back, and I did it in a family shelter, where I had help transitioning from no kids, to grown up kids, almost teenagers at the time.
I have learned through my growth and healing; they need the same support themselves. We all came back together to my first apartment that I rented, when I was getting ready to graduate treatment court.

It has been rocky, amazing, and full of gifts, being able to get a second chance as a parent. All those memories of my childhood come rushing to me, and I literally have to fight the characteristics I don’t want to be, because they come almost second nature. It’s practice not perfection, but I have learned that everyone needs a tribe to keep them afloat, and by sharing that with my kids, they have a better chance at being supported.

As a single mom of two teenagers, and doing all the things to keep myself healthy, mind, body, and soul, I need to make sure these two other beings are in a good place, as well. Sometimes that looks different day to day, but listening and giving them my unconditional love, and making sure I spend individual time with them, and time together, all been key elements to our lives flowing a lot better.

They each have very different personalities, and by listening and empowering them in their wants and passion, we can have positive outcomes. But, also, they are teenagers, and I have learned to really put a shield on, because some things can be very painful. They may not purposely disrespect or disregard rules, or our home, but they are at an age that they think they know it all, and parents don’t.

That’s okay, because no matter what the obstacle is in life, the more I take care of myself, and am in a good mindset, the better I can make choices that are helpful for all of us.

One of those skills I have started learning is, I go to a parenting group, with other parents that have kids with mental health issues, or even co-occurring. It helps me to not feel so alone. I also go to my own groups for support. The kids each talk to someone outside of the home, and I do my best to keep them busy. Summers can be hard because they have so much time on their hands.

Giving a space for vulnerability, even when some of the conversations are hard to hear. I think taking accountability for not being there for the time I wasn’t is very important and giving them the space to grow and be who they are meant to be, is super important as well.

Giving them space and myself, space is vital, be able to trust one another is super important.

Acknowledging that they are their own individual, and respecting that they are who they are, but find that balance of empowering them, boundaries, accountability, and support, is a balance I think every parent wants to strive for, but it can be hard, and that is okay. We have our lives, and they have theirs, I don’t push them to be like me, but being an example of a strong person for them, does start to rub off, in multiple ways.

Being a parent in recovery, is a gift, it’s a strength, and it can be hard. Having supportive systems and people in place is vital. Being the energy, we want to see in our kids, can be a great concept, but the reality is, I am a parent that makes mistakes. I think learning to work though things together, and allowing our kids to have a voice and choice in some areas of our lives is important.

Parenting can either make or break us, and it is up to us to do that no matter what, we need to be the example and person our kids need. We also can welcome a space for growth and learning in this area of our recovery as well.

by Mandy Nunes, Assistant Director

August 1, 2023

The role of being a parent again, in recovery, has been such a blessing! I missed so much of my kids’ lives due to active addiction and I never thought I would have the opportunity to raise children again. I am so grateful I have a second chance at being a mom, of having the honor to help raise my partner’s now young teenagers. However, parenting teenagers isn’t particularly easy for anyone. Add to that us both being in recovery, my current mental health journey, both of our kids having behavioral health challenges, and us being a lesbian couple, and it makes the dynamics even more complex. As we navigate the path of parenthood and recovery together, it's been crucial that we’ve established open communication, built trust, and continue to foster a supportive environment for our teenagers. I’m going to share some practical strategies and insights that have helped us effectively parent teenagers while maintaining our well-being and recovery.

Embracing Open Communication

Open communication serves as the foundation for any healthy relationship, especially when parenting teenagers. Here are some areas we have focused on:

• Honesty and Transparency: We are honest with our kids about our recovery journey. They have witnessed the destruction of active addiction and are now experiencing stability, security, and growth. It’s important that they know and understand how this transformation happens and how we work to maintain it. I am transparent about my current mental health journey. They have seen me struggle with depression and panic attacks and have also seen me push myself to overcome obstacles and flourish. I’m open about therapy and the fact I take medications. This created a safe space for our daughter to share her mental health struggles and explore therapy as an option for her well-being. We emphasize the importance of self-care and personal growth, for all of us. We encourage them to share their thoughts and concerns openly as well. Sometimes this means discussing their past traumas, which we also encourage. Though it may be painful to be reminded of the hurt we caused in active addiction, it’s important that our children know that their feelings are valid, that we can take accountability, and that they have a safe space now.
• Consistency and Unified Front: We have established consistency in household rules and expectations between both parents, and we are transparent about expectations and consequences. Transparency and consistency are trauma-informed practices. It’s important that our kids know what to expect. Presenting a unified front ensures clarity for our teenagers and fosters a sense of stability. It also prevents arguments.
• Active Listening: We practice active listening to understand our kids' needs, emotions, and experiences. We get to create a safe space where they feel heard and supported.

Building Trust and Connection

Building trust and connection with our kids is essential for their well-being and the strength of our family. Here are some strategies we use to build trust and connection.

• Authenticity and Vulnerability: We share our recovery journeys authentically, emphasizing the positive changes it has brought to our lives. This openness inspires trust and encourages our teenagers to share their own struggles.
• Quality Time: We dedicate quality time to connect with our teenagers individually and as a family. We engage in activities they enjoy and create opportunities for meaningful conversations.
• Respecting Boundaries: We respect our teenagers' boundaries and privacy while maintaining open lines of communication. However, our kids know that if we feel their safety or the safety of someone else may be in jeopardy, we will choose to value safety over privacy. This balance helps build trust and fosters a sense of autonomy.

Supportive Network and Self-Care:

As parents in recovery, it's crucial we prioritize our own well-being while supporting our kids. When we prioritize and model self-care, our kids see the value and start to participate in their own self-care.

• Seek Support: We have both attended recovery support groups and therapy to help us navigate the challenges we face as individuals and as a couple. We surround ourselves with a supportive network of friends and family who understand our journey. Our daughter enjoys attending therapy and our kids feel safe and comfortable discussing struggles with their close friends and with ours.
• Time for Yourselves: We carve out individual and couple time to prioritize self-care. We engage in activities that bring us joy, promote relaxation, and contribute to our overall well-being. We play softball, go on date nights, and tackle home projects together.
• Mindfulness and Stress Reduction: We incorporate mindfulness techniques and stress reduction practices into our daily routine. This includes meditation, deep breathing exercises, and engaging in hobbies that quiet the mind and promote relaxation. My favorite activity to quiet my mind and be creative is cross-stitching. Our kids see me do this often, especially when I am anxious, and are learning to find stress-reducing activities that work for them.

Addressing Unique Challenges

Being lesbians and parenting teenagers has presented unique challenges. Some of the strategies we utilize with these unique challenges are below.   

• Navigating Identity and Acceptance: We understand our teenagers will explore their own identities and know they may face challenges related to acceptance. We have worked to create a safe and loving environment where they feel supported and empowered to embrace their true selves. We have open conversations about what that looks like and feels like at school and with their friends.
• Educating and Advocating: We are proactive in educating ourselves and our teenagers about LGBTQ+ issues, understanding resources, and encouraging open conversations. This knowledge fosters understanding, acceptance, and resilience.
• Dealing with External Judgment: We have encountered external judgment and prejudice. We face political and religious adversity. Our kids have already faced judgement because they have 2 moms. We have prepared ourselves as a couple and we openly discuss strategies for handling such situations while prioritizing the well-being of our family.

Parenting teenagers in recovery requires strength, resilience, and dedication. By embracing open communication, building trust and connection, prioritizing self-care, and addressing unique challenges, we are creating a loving and supportive environment for our teenagers to thrive. We lean on our support network, seek professional guidance when needed, and celebrate the milestones and growth along the way. With love, authenticity, and a commitment to personal and family well-being, we can navigate this beautiful journey of parenting while in recovery, and so can you!

by Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

June 27, 2023

When I did this month’s webinar on the topic “Radical Acceptance”, one of the comments was on the word radical paired with acceptance. Radical commonly can be referred to a person who is an extremist in their advocacy on topics that are less than traditional. So, the thought was, I understand acceptance in life and as events happen that are less than acceptable, but how I am expected to radically accept these events as something I am putting an “I am okay with this happening to me” stamp on it?

For me, I got to a point in my life where I had more childhood trauma that was unresolved inside of me than I even knew, I was undiagnosed with everything but anxiety, I kept running through the same kind of relationships with different bodies, expecting different results, and having all my life’s events coming to head when I became a mom. I was a triggered, an empty vessel, coasting through life in a numbed state of mind. I didn’t find joy in anything, I was disassociated and couldn’t make sense of what was real or not, and I didn’t feel any emotion anymore. That’s when I had to radically accept change into my life and heal from the things that hurt me to my core. I had to peel every piece of armor I had put on in life, acknowledge the coping mechanisms that I carried like weapons to keep me safe from the unknown, and look at my younger self and adult me in the mirror and say “enough!”. You know how hard that journey is? It’s debilitating. To finally accept that while I didn’t deserve any of it, I put up with it and kept inviting trauma dressed in different clothes back into my life. I was the one in the end breaking my own heart and the very person I was armed and suited up fighting against.

Radical Acceptance isn’t an easy task. It is a mindset to eventually get too be so good at, you don’t have to think about it anymore. It’s being able to check in with yourself, acknowledge your emotions and feelings, and then deciding which way to move forward. It is very empowering and gives you strength. It takes the power back from those that we feel inclined to lend it to, to remind ourselves that our opinion of ourselves is the most important and gives us freedom to choose self-love and acceptance into our life. Then in return, we are being examples to our children, peers, friends, family who are ready to walk the same journey. To say, enough, that chapter has closed. I will not allow what has happened or what will happen, dictate what I am going to do right now in the present.

You know that corny line, life is a gift so live in the present? That is a hard thing to do without a lot of inner work. But it is obtainable. I am living proof. There is another corny line, if I can do it, you can too! Well, I guess what I am trying to say, those corny lines don’t feel so corny anymore. They feel real and empowering. They feel so freeing that I won’t ever step backwards into a place where I don’t feel those very things in my core.

by  Andi Daniel, Technology Coordinator

June 20, 2023

We most often hear about radical acceptance in the context of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) but the concept can be applied with other therapies as well. Part of radical acceptance is acknowledging our thoughts about ourselves even if we aren't in the right space to challenge those thoughts directly as with DBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). For me, CBT and DBT are very difficult but I can take pieces of them and improve my mental health. That's not to say that I think CBT and DBT are ineffective therapies, they absolutely can be life-changing for many people, especially those who aren't consciously aware of where their thoughts and behaviors originated from. Often when we can identify why we behave or think in a specific way, it helps us to manage those behaviors and thoughts. After many years of therapy-both individual and group-I am aware of where my thoughts and behaviors come from, but that doesn't help me manage them. The DBT and CBT skills just aren't a good fit for me. Radical acceptance is difficult, but I have managed to apply it to some aspects of my life.

My major behavioral health crisis stemmed from the break up of my marriage. It wasn't something I wanted and I felt like I had failed as both a wife and mother. My emotional reaction to the break up was negatively affecting my children and I was unable to care for them which led to more feelings of failure. I received some inpatient care due to suicidal thoughts for about a week and it didn't change anything for me but they sent me home anyway. The thoughts continued and I had a psychiatric hold that changed things for me. The medical doctor on call told me about her break up and how she had been unable to care for her children for a period of time. That was the hope I needed-although the suicidal thoughts continued and I did attempt suicide about a month later-I was connected with a therapist who was willing to try new things with me.

Some of the best tools that I learned in therapy were Emotion Focused Therapy combined with Emotional Freedom Techniques (both referred to as EFT). Emotion Focused Therapy allows us to experience our unpleasant emotions in a safe space and re-frame them in a way that makes them beneficial or at least not disruptive. We are guided to "sit with" our emotions and feel them as much as we possibly can while observing our thoughts and sensations. This can be a form of radical acceptance. There is no judgement placed on the validity of the emotion. The emotion exists, and we accept that it is there. We don't try to push it away or think our way out of it. We don't try to rationalize it although we may discover the origins of it if we are unaware of the origin before starting a session. Part of the reason I found this helpful was that I was given the opportunity to put my logical brain away for a bit. There was a time limit on how long I would have to sit with the emotions and it made them easier to process. I was often afraid that if I allowed myself to fully feel those emotions, I would be stuck in them and be back in the self-injury and suicidal ideation that had taken over my life for a while.

Using the other EFT, Emotional Freedom Techniques, I was able to incorporate radical acceptance. This therapy is sometimes referred to as tapping because it focuses on specific points on the body to tap on while repeating phrases. It helps rewire some of our thinking. My therapist would help me formulate those phrases that always ended with some version of "I totally and completely accept myself." This helped me acknowledge my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors without judgement and to process them in a different way. It also helped me manage my anxiety in the moment if I could just take a few minutes to focus and tap. It helped me be more comfortable at events for my kids, especially those in which I was likely to see my ex-husband.

It also gave me tools to manage the stress and anxiety of being a single parent and helped me talk to my children about their emotions in a nonjudgmental way. I was able to teach them some of the techniques I had learned. Some were helpful to them and others were not but those therapies changed me for the better by improving my mental health which improved my ability to care for my children.

by Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

May 23, 2023

Mental Health Awareness month, what a beautiful way to bring awareness to a very important topic. Growing up I considered mental health to be very extreme mental health disorders. For example, depression/suicide, substance abuse/addiction, or diagnosis/personality disorders. Also, feeling statements that were commonly heard and used were simply happy, mad, and sad. Mental health is so much more complex than the ones I listed. I now believe those are the extremes, because mental health hasn’t/hadn’t ever been addressed. Navigating something within ourselves, without the knowledge and words, leads to a recipe for disaster.

When I went off to college, I would randomly have these very intense panic attacks. My heart would start racing, I would shake, I became flighty, and my thoughts were very reactive and panicked. They consumed my entire body and brain when they happened. One of the scariest feelings I have ever experienced. I basically felt as if I was going to die each time. I did go to a primary care visit after being in urgent care, started a medication, hated how I felt even more, and quit taking them. When I became a mom, anxiety was just something I regularly felt. It still was untreated until I had my second son. I basically buried the skeletons of my trauma way down deep inside. And when you do that, your body doesn’t forget. It makes you “deal” with it in other forms. Hence, my panic attacks and anxiety.

I have later in life been diagnosed with anxiety, ADHD, and C-PTSD. I have been in talk therapy since 2017 and recently started the process of EMDR therapy. After my ADHD diagnosis, and I started a treatment of care, my anxiety and depression subsided. I still feel it at times, but it isn’t an everyday feeling I have. And while I knew I am a survivor of childhood and adult trauma, I still felt like I didn’t have it that bad. Once I got my C-PTSD diagnosis, I felt more validated in my emotions and experiences than ever. Silly how a word can do that for us, huh?

I share my story today in hopes that it can reach one person that has experienced any of these symptoms and is still searching for answers. I am not an expert on mental health in any shape or form, but I am an expert on my experiences, how I felt, and the things I would have changed. Today I can say, I am extremely proud of my progress and strength. I have done the work, will continue to, and I show up for myself because I deserve to live in the present. I hope you know that you can too. Slowly I am putting an end to the cycles and defense mechanisms I picked up along the way to survive. Forgiving people, I never thought I could, and acknowledge the parts I have played in my own trauma. I am learning to trust myself again and to feel strength in what I say and believe. I can say, now I love the person I see in the mirror, and I will never let her down again. I’m worth it.

If you are struggling even in the slightest, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust. I know it isn’t easy, but I promise you, untreated mental health is far worse in the long wrong. Because, in my opinion, when your brain is “sick”, your physical health will be affected detrimentally. Admitting that you aren’t ok is heroic in my book. You are worth it.

by Jana Galarus, Family Peer Supporter

May 9, 2023

Parents and children may be dealing with Behavioral Health Issues, Mental Health, and Special Healthcare Needs and we have a lot of plates spinning in the air at once.  How do we cope with our children’s mental health?  Some of our children have ADD, ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, PTSD, Panic Disorders or Bipolar disorder.  There are so many diagnoses that I won’t name them all.  People can’t physically see mental health issues, so they are often not talked about.

How many times as a parent do you feel judged in your community, by friends, family, doctors, and by teachers at school and by special education staff.  Priests or pastors.  I think that they forget that some of us parents carry intense feelings of guilt and sometimes blame ourselves.  We question maybe if I had done this or maybe if I had done that.  I think of all the parents who have endured judgement.  It causes destruction of parents when their kids are having a mental health crisis. Think of the years of pain and isolation the child and the parents are going through.  When our children are in pain usually, we are also in pain.  When our children are having a crisis others judge us.  They think that we just have not been good parents or that we haven’t taught our children how to behave or that we as parents have done something wrong.

 That is not the case!  If our society and community would change judgement into curiosity maybe as parents and children, we would be more comfortable in talking about these mental health issues or topics.  Friends, families, and churches would reach out with compassion and ask them over for dinner or for their child to go have ice cream or just be an ear to listen to us and try and be kinder and more compassionate.  We then could explain that maybe our child doesn’t like large crowds or to be hugged or touched.  That they need specific information and not to be yelled at and how to protect and help them if they are having a moment and we are not there.  You can learn what they love to do or talk about.  This would make our worlds more inclusive of our kids and us.

Many of our children also have anxiety and panic attacks it can feel like a sense of doom or terror, your heartbeat can be rapid, you may have sweating, dizziness, nausea, shallow breathing, a feeling like you’re dying or going crazy.  There is no way to predict when a panic attack will happen.  Panic disorders can lead to other problems such as depression or abuse of alcohol or other drugs.  You may feel restless, have trouble sleeping, muscle tension, feeling moody, fatigue, or not being able to focus.  You may feel like you are on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and feelings, and you may not even understand what is happening to you or your children.

Let me tell you that there are people and services out there! You don’t have to go through this alone.  Reach out to a friend, or family member.  Contact a family peer supporter, or substance use peer support.  Reach out to a doctor, counselor, and therapist because a prompt diagnosis and treatment are vital.  Get a complete physical and mental health evaluation.  Medications can sometime help prevent attacks.  Initially treatment may be difficult but try to take an active role.  Find a therapist, counselor or doctor.  Finding a medication that works right for you can take some time.  Learning techniques from counseling can take time and practice.

Some of us can learn how to do some deep breathing exercises, meditation, self-care or find calming music and learn what the triggers are with our mental health.  Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.  Family Peer Support can help you find a mental health care provider.  Know that you are loved, and that people care for you.  There is hope.