by Kayla Myers, Peer Support Coordinator

August 19, 2025

As we navigate the challenges of today's world, from political tensions to economic struggles, it’s easy to forget that the most essential part of our humanity is a simple act of kindness. On Be Kind to Humankind Week, we are gifted an opportunity not only to reflect on the value of kindness but to practice and advocate for it in our everyday lives consistently. As someone who wears multiple hats, from a peer supporter role to an advocate for social change, this week holds deeper significance.

In the role of a peer supporter, I have witnessed the ripple effect of kindness. Whether I was helping a family navigate a mental health crisis, providing emotional support to a caregiver, or simply lending a listening ear to someone in need, the power of kindness is undeniable. It’s in the small gestures. A comforting word, a shared cup of coffee, a reassuring message can make all the difference. For human beings who are fighting silent battles or going through the toughest times, these moments of human connection can be a lifeline.

However, the real challenge we face is extending that kindness beyond our immediate circles, especially in times when it feels like the world is divided. Right now, as a country, we are experiencing deep social and political division, an ongoing public health crisis, and economic instability. We are struggling to keep our heads above water, and many are feeling the weight of uncertainty and fear.

In my eyes, this is precisely the time when kindness is most needed.

As an advocate for mental health and social change, I often find myself pushing for policy shifts and societal reforms that prioritize the well-being of all people. But advocacy doesn’t stop in the halls of government or on social media platforms. It starts with each of us, in our homes, neighborhoods, and communities. The most significant change often begins with small, personal acts of kindness.

We are seeing what can feel like an overwhelming number of issues in the world right now: injustices, scrutiny for speaking out about the wrong that is being done daily, the rise of mental health struggles, and more. But I can only hope, in these moments of chaos, that kindness can act as a beacon of hope, a reminder that there is good in the world despite the noise. With life experience and with my work as a peer supporter, I’ve seen how simple acts can spark real, tangible change.

Kindness isn’t just about being nice; it’s about advocating for justice, lifting others up, and standing together in the face of adversity. It’s about showing up for the people who need us most. And right now, as a country, we need each other more than ever.

What can be done? What can you do? How do you get started? I am so glad you asked! Here is a simple list of ideas that I hope will help spark something within you so you can keep implementing small acts of kindness every day:

1. Listen Without Judgment
   Sometimes, the most powerful form of advocacy is simply being a compassionate listener. When we listen to each other’s stories without judgment or preconceived notions, we validate people’s experiences. Listening is the first step in offering support and understanding.
2. Support Mental Health Initiatives
   Mental health is at the forefront of our collective struggles today. As a peer supporter, I know the importance of advocating for more accessible, equitable, and compassionate mental health services. Kindness means standing with those who need help and fighting for resources that can change their lives.
3. Create Safe Spaces for Dialogue
   In a divided world, we need spaces where people can discuss their differences with respect and empathy. Organizing community discussions or engaging in open dialogues about current events can foster understanding, dissolve fears, and build bridges where walls once stood.
4. Leading with Empathy in Policy
   Whether advocating for healthcare, education, or economic support, it's critical to approach these issues with empathy. Policies that impact human beings should be crafted with a deep understanding of the diverse challenges people face. A kinder, more equitable society requires us to work from a place of care and compassion, not just statistics and numbers.
5. Model the Change You Want to See
   One of the most powerful ways we can spread kindness is by modeling it in our own actions. Whether it's in our families, at work, or in our communities, showing kindness in the way we interact with others sets the tone for those around us. Kindness is contagious. The more we practice it, the more it will spread.

 We are all living through trying times, but these times do not define us. What will define us is how we respond. As individuals and as a collective society, we can choose kindness, not just on Be Kind to Humankind week, but every day. Kindness in the face of adversity can heal wounds, build communities, and drive us toward a more just and compassionate world.

As someone who has walked alongside my peers in their most vulnerable moments, I can attest to the transformative power of kindness. It is the glue that holds us together when everything else feels like it's falling apart. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that we are all capable of spreading kindness in ways that create lasting change.

So, this Be Kind to Humankind week, I encourage you to reach out. Reach out to a neighbor, a friend, a stranger, or a family member. Let them know they’re seen, heard, and valued. Advocate for policies that prioritize the well-being of ALL people. And, perhaps most importantly, remember that kindness doesn’t just change the world, it heals it.

Kindness is not just a gesture, it’s a movement. As a peer supporter, as an advocate, and as a human being, I believe in the power of kindness to heal, unite, and empower us to create a better tomorrow. Let's make this Be Kind to Humankind week the start of something bigger. Let's make it a reminder that, no matter how dark the world may seem, kindness will always be the light that guides us home.

(Edited and enhanced using ChatGPT)

by Jim Hajny, Executive Director

July 21, 2025

It is hard to not see suffering on a daily basis around the world, in the United States and here in Montana. When I tune in for my daily dose of news, I am often struck by the lack of awareness around mental health related issues. For example, in Texas where the extreme flooding occurred there is virtually no reporting on mental health counseling, or peer support for the massive amount of grief and loss that is taking place. In the nearly weekly reporting of mass shootings at places of work, schools and in our communities across the nation, we fail to address mental health needs.  

In the 17 years I have been working as a peer advocate, I have watched a revolving door of organizations, programs and good people with great intentions come and go. Regardless of the quality of the work. Here today, gone tomorrow it seems. As a person with a mental health diagnosis, I can recognize that stigma for both self and society play a major role in our inability to address the mental health needs for all. In fact, I would say its number 1. There are others of course. It is not lack of funding. We spend a lot of money funding programs and defunding programs without consideration as to their effectiveness. For example, the shuttering of SAMHSA which has been a strong supporter of mental health recovery for 20+ years, for political reasons rather than updating or upgrading it as we say these days. Here in my community of Madison County we have no crisis support services.  When I brought this issue up to my local legislator it was “passed up the chain” with no results. When I spoke to the hospital is also went nowhere. It’s just not a topic anyone wants to talk about. My local advisory council has 6 openings for more than 1 year.

This topic weighs on my mind because I feel a lack of mental wellness is what leads to so many of these societal issues such as gun violence, homelessness, substance use, suicide and incarceration. Without urgently seeking long-term solutions we cannot make progress. These days when we cannot find the answers we are looking for, we search the internet, more specifically AI. So, I did just that. I asked AI “what are the societal issues around mental health.” Here is what it identified.

Key Societal Issues Affecting Mental Health:

• Stigma and Discrimination: Negative attitudes and stereotypes surrounding mental illness can lead to social isolation, reduced likelihood of seeking treatment, and difficulty finding work or housing. Stigma can prevent individuals from disclosing their mental health challenges and seeking help, making their conditions worse.
• Social Inequality: Poverty, lack of access to education and healthcare, and discrimination based on race, gender, or sexual orientation can create chronic stress and feelings of helplessness, contributing to mental health issues.
• Social Isolation: Poor mental health can lead to social isolation, disrupting relationships and potentially leading to family breakdown.
• Lack of Access to Resources: Limited access to affordable healthcare, including mental health services, can prevent individuals from getting the support they need.
• Adverse Childhood Experiences: Exposure to violence, neglect, or other traumatic events in childhood can significantly increase the risk of developing mental health conditions later in life.
• Media Portrayal: Sensationalized media coverage of mental illness can perpetuate negative stereotypes and contribute to public misunderstanding.
• Social Determinants of Health: Factors like housing, food security, and employment opportunities significantly influence mental health. Unequal distribution of these resources can disproportionately affect certain populations.

Consequences of Societal Issues on Mental Health:

• Increased Risk of Mental Health Conditions: Social factors can increase the likelihood of developing mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, and psychosis.
• Difficulty Accessing Treatment: Stigma, discrimination, and lack of resources can make it harder for individuals to seek and receive mental health treatment.
• Impact on Relationships and Social Functioning: Mental health conditions, exacerbated by societal factors, can negatively impact relationships with family, friends, and colleagues.
• Economic Instability: Mental health conditions can affect employment and educational attainment, leading to economic insecurity.
• Strain on Families and Communities: Mental health issues can place a strain on families, impacting caregivers and leading to economic burdens on communities.
• Increased Risk of Incarceration and Homelessness: Individuals with serious mental illness may face criminalization or become homeless due to lack of support.

Here is some data I searched for further consideration.

Mental Health America, the nation’s oldest mental health advocacy organization releases a report each year ranking states on mental health service. Montana ranks third to last.

Montana mental health and substance use levels are generally higher than national averages and Montana often ranks near the top in suicide rates, substance use related deaths, and prevalence of mental health conditions. Individuals in rural and frontier areas are often underserved and under-resourced. The following table is taken from SAMHSA’s National Survey on Drug Use and Health.

I was recently watching a video on gun deaths per state, and I was shocked to find that Montana ranks near the top along with New Mexico, Louisiana, Mississippi and Alaska.  States such as Illinois, New York ranked much lower. I was surprised by this. CDC data can be found here.

Montana saw the largest increase, 551%, of individuals experiencing chronic patterns of homelessness from 2007 to 2023, according to the 2023 Annual Homelessness Assessment Report to Congress 2024.

I do not assume to have the answers. I don’t think anyone has all of them. But I do dedicate my work to addressing mental health recovery the best way I can each day along with staff and board of directors at MPN.

by Kayla Myers, Peer Support Coordinator

January 28, 2025 

As a peer supporter, I’ve seen how empowering it can be when someone takes control of their own story and their own journey toward healing. The national “I Am in Control Day” is a reminder for all of us. Whether we are supporting others or working on our own personal growth, we have the ability to take charge of our lives, make choices, and advocate for what we need. It’s a day to celebrate our strength and remind ourselves that, no matter the circumstances, we have the power to harness and create positive change.

“I Am in Control Day” is an annual observance dedicated to raising awareness about the importance of self-empowerment, self-advocacy, and the ability to take control of our mental, physical, and emotional well-being. It’s a day to reflect on the power of choice and the freedom we have to take charge of our lives, no matter where we are in our journey.

For those of us in the peer support community, this day holds special significance. It’s a reminder that the work we do is not just about providing assistance or guidance. It’s about helping people recognize and harness their own strength. We’re not here to “fix” others, but to walk alongside them as they find the courage to make their own decisions and take control of their healing process.

One of the most powerful aspects of being a peer supporter is that we get to witness people making choices that directly impact their well-being. Whether it’s seeking therapy, starting a new hobby, setting healthy boundaries, or simply reaching out for support. These choices are significant steps toward reclaiming control. It’s important to acknowledge that taking control doesn’t mean everything will go perfectly or that we’ll have all the answers. Control isn’t about perfection. It’s about having a network, feeling like we have a say in what happens to us, and recognizing that even small steps forward are powerful.

As a family peer supporter, I make it a point to empower those I work with to see the value in their decisions, no matter how small they may seem. I help them understand that they’re the ones in the driver’s seat. And, more importantly, that it’s okay to ask for help and that reaching out is a form of strength, not weakness.

One of the key aspects of “I Am in Control Day” is remembering that we control our own narratives. In many areas of life, society can try to define us based on our circumstances, struggles, or setbacks. But we don’t have to accept those labels or limitations. We are not our struggles. We are not defined by our past. We are who we choose to be in this moment, and we have the power to shape our future. In peer support, I encourage others to reflect on how they view themselves. I ask them to consider what they want their narrative to be, rather than what others may have told them it should be. This doesn’t mean erasing the challenges we’ve faced but rather reframing them. When recognizing it this way, the way we respond to adversity is what truly defines us.

Self-advocacy is another key element of “ I Am in Control Day”. Being able to speak up for our needs, set boundaries, and assert ourselves is an essential part of taking control. For many people, this is a difficult skill to develop, especially when they’ve been told their needs don’t matter or they’ve been conditioned to put others first. As a peer supporter, one of my most important roles is to help people build self-advocacy skills. I work with them on how to communicate their needs clearly and confidently, and how to advocate for the support, resources, and care they deserve. This could be as simple as asking for time off when they’re overwhelmed or seeking professional help when they need it. Self-advocacy is about recognizing your worth and standing up for yourself when it’s time to do so.

“I Am in Control Day” is more than just a day for awareness; it’s a call to action. It’s an opportunity to reflect on how we can take control of our lives and inspire others to do the same. It reminds us that our power is within us, and we have the ability to make choices that lead to healing, growth, and well-being. As a peer supporter, I’ve seen how transformative it can be when someone realizes they have the power to control their story. I’ve seen people take their first steps toward recovery, speak up for the help they need, and, most importantly, believe in themselves. On “ I Am in Control Day”, I encourage everyone to take a moment to reflect on their own journey, acknowledge their strength, and celebrate the choices that have empowered them.

So, whether you’re someone receiving support or someone offering it, take this day as a reminder that you are in control. You have the power to take charge of your well-being, shape your own narrative, and advocate for yourself. And as a peer supporter, I’ll continue to walk alongside you, cheering you on every step of the way.

Edited and Enhanced by: ChatGPT

Written by Kayla Myer
Edited and Enhanced by ChatGPT

February 25, 2025

Every year as winter approaches, I start to dread the days ahead. Even before summer or fall has ended, I find myself mourning their passing while still living in those seasons. I know the days will soon grow shorter and the nights longer, and I brace myself for the arrival of the infamous "winter blues." Whether it's the colder weather, the lack of sunlight, or the post-holiday slump, this time of year can be particularly challenging for my mental health. As a peer supporter, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside others through difficult seasons, and I know firsthand how real and heavy these feelings can be. But the good news? We don’t have to face them alone.

The "winter blues" is a common term used to describe the seasonal dip in mood that many people experience. For some, it can manifest as mild sadness, fatigue, or irritability. For others, it may develop into something more severe, such as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a form of depression triggered by seasonal changes. While the severity varies, the struggle is real, and acknowledging it is the first step toward finding relief (generated using ChatGPT).

For myself, once I started to understand how the “winter blues” manifested in me, I was able to implement my wellness tools into moments that felt daunting. Over the years, I’ve learned that small, intentional actions can make a big difference. Here are some approaches that have helped both myself and those I support:

1. Embrace the Light

Sunlight plays a crucial role in regulating our mood. If you can, try to get outside during daylight hours, even if it’s just for a short walk. If natural sunlight is scarce, consider using a light therapy lamp, which can help mimic the benefits of natural light and improve mood.

2. Stay Active

Exercise is a powerful mood booster. It doesn’t have to be intense, even gentle movements like yoga, stretching, or a short dance session can help release endorphins and combat sluggishness.

3. Connect with Others

Isolation often worsens the winter blues. Reaching out to my support system helps me stay grounded. Even a simple text, phone call, or video chat can lift my spirits and remind me that I’m not alone.

4. Nourish Your Body and Mind

What we eat can impact how we feel. Incorporating nutrient-rich foods into my diet, including vitamins, and whole foods that fuel my body. Equally important, nourish your mind. I practice mindfulness, gratitude, or journaling to process my emotions.

5. Create Comforting Rituals

Small moments of joy can make a huge difference. Whether it’s lighting a scented candle, wrapping up in a warm blanket with a good book or watching a show, or listening to uplifting music, I try to find little ways to bring warmth and comfort into my daily routine.

6. Seek Support When Needed

I don’t take these helpful tips lightly because I know how hard it can be to implement them when my brain feels heavy. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, the weight of the winter blues can feel overwhelming. And that’s okay. If your feelings persist or become too difficult to manage, don’t hesitate to seek support. There is strength in asking for help.

One of the most important things I’ve learned as a peer supporter is the power of shared experiences. No matter how isolating the winter blues may feel, you are not alone in this struggle. There is a community of people who understand, care, and are willing to walk this journey with you. So, as we navigate these colder, darker months together, let’s lean on one another, embrace small victories, and remember that brighter days are ahead. Spring always follows winter, and in the meantime, we can find warmth in connection, self-care, and hope. If you’re feeling down this season, reach out. To a friend, a peer supporter, a mental health professional, or whoever is your support system. You deserve support, and you are worth the effort it takes to care for yourself.

by Open AI ChatGPT, Edited by Andi Daniel

January 11, 2025

Random Acts of Kindness Day February 17

Acts of kindness are often seen as simple gestures, yet their impact on mental health can be profound. Whether it’s offering a smile to a stranger, helping a coworker, or volunteering for a cause, kindness can create a ripple effect that benefits both the giver and the recipient. Research has consistently shown that engaging in acts of kindness boosts mental well-being, reducing stress, increasing happiness, and fostering a sense of belonging.

The Science Behind Kindness and Mental Health

Kindness is not just a moral virtue—it has biological and psychological benefits. When people engage in acts of kindness, their brains release chemicals such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. These neurotransmitters play a crucial role in mood regulation and emotional well-being.

• Oxytocin, often referred to as the "love hormone," is associated with feelings of bonding, trust, and social connection. It helps lower blood pressure, reduces stress, and fosters emotional resilience.
• Serotonin, known as the "happiness chemical," enhances mood and contributes to overall mental stability. It is often targeted by antidepressant medications to treat depression and anxiety.
• Dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical, gives a sense of pleasure and motivation, reinforcing positive behaviors.

Engaging in kindness activates the brain’s reward system that improves emotional well-being. The more people practice kindness, the stronger these neurological pathways become, making kindness a habit that contributes to lasting mental health benefits.

Kindness Reduces Stress and Anxiety

Modern life is often stressful, filled with pressures from work, relationships, and daily responsibilities. Acts of kindness have been shown to counteract the negative effects of stress by promoting relaxation and reducing cortisol levels (the stress hormone).

A study conducted by the University of British Columbia found that individuals who performed acts of kindness experienced significant reductions in social anxiety. Participants reported feeling more comfortable in social situations, less self-conscious, and more confident in their interactions. The reason behind this is simple—kindness shifts focus away from internal worries and redirects it toward positive, external interactions.

Helping others also creates a sense of purpose, which counteracts feelings of stress and anxiety. People who volunteer or engage in compassionate acts often report a decrease in worry and an increase in emotional resilience.

Kindness and Depression: A Natural Antidote

Depression often brings feelings of isolation, low self-worth, and a lack of motivation. Acts of kindness can act as a natural antidote by fostering social connections, increasing self-esteem, and giving individuals a sense of meaning.

Studies have shown that people suffering from depression who engage in prosocial behaviors—such as helping a friend, donating to charity, or performing small gestures of kindness—experience improvements in mood and overall outlook on life. The act of giving creates a sense of accomplishment, counteracting the helplessness that often accompanies depression.

One notable study published in the Journal of Social Psychology found that people who committed five acts of kindness per day for six weeks reported greater levels of happiness compared to those who did not. The researchers suggested that acts of kindness helped participants break the cycle of negative thinking that often contributes to depression.

Kindness Strengthens Social Bonds and Reduces Loneliness

Loneliness is a major risk factor for mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and even cognitive decline. Human beings are wired for social connection, and kindness is a powerful tool for fostering relationships and strengthening community ties. When people engage in acts of kindness, they naturally build trust and connection with others. Whether it’s helping a neighbor, complimenting a colleague, or simply expressing gratitude, these actions strengthen interpersonal relationships and create a support system that enhances mental health.

The Ripple Effect of Kindness

One of the most powerful aspects of kindness is its ability to create a ripple effect. A single act of kindness can inspire others to pay it forward, spreading positivity and well-being throughout a community. This phenomenon, known as "upstream reciprocity," demonstrates how kindness can multiply and benefit an entire society.

For example, if a person witnesses an act of kindness—such as a stranger helping someone in need—they are more likely to engage in a kind act themselves. This leads to a chain reaction of positive interactions that enhance collective mental health and promote a culture of empathy and support.

In workplaces, communities, and schools, kindness initiatives have been shown to improve morale, increase cooperation, and reduce instances of bullying or hostility. Schools that implement kindness programs report lower rates of student anxiety and depression, as well as improved academic performance and social relationships.

Kindness and Self-Esteem

Another key way kindness affects mental health is by boosting self-esteem. When people engage in acts of kindness, they experience a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. Helping others reminds individuals that they have value and can make a difference in the world. For those struggling with self-doubt or low confidence, kindness can serve as a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. When people focus on the well-being of others, they shift away from negative self-talk and instead embrace a more positive and compassionate view of themselves.

Simple Ways to Practice Kindness Daily

Incorporating kindness into daily life does not require grand gestures—small, simple acts can have a profound impact on mental health. Here are some ways to practice kindness every day:

• Give genuine compliments – A kind word can brighten someone’s day.
• Listen actively – Sometimes, people just need to be heard.
• Offer help – Whether it’s assisting a coworker or holding the door for someone, small gestures matter.
• Express gratitude – Saying "thank you" fosters positivity and appreciation.
• Volunteer – Helping in the community strengthens social bonds and boosts mood.
• Check in on loved ones – A simple text or call can make a big difference.
• Practice self-kindness – Treat yourself with the same compassion you offer others.

Acts of kindness have a profound impact on mental health, benefiting both the giver and the recipient. Through the release of feel-good hormones, kindness reduces stress, combats depression, and fosters emotional resilience. It strengthens social bonds, decreases loneliness, and boosts self-esteem. Furthermore, kindness creates a ripple effect that spreads positivity throughout communities, making the world a better place.

Incorporating kindness into daily life does not require great effort—small, intentional acts can transform mental well-being. Whether through a kind word, a helping hand, or a simple smile, kindness has the power to heal, uplift, and bring joy. By choosing kindness, individuals not only improve their own mental health but also contribute to a more compassionate and connected world.

Generated by Open AI ChatGPT
Edited by Andi Daniel

December 31, 2024

Reflecting on mental health accomplishments can be an empowering and enlightening exercise. It not only allows you to see how far you’ve come but also provides motivation for continued growth. Here’s a guide to help you recognize and celebrate your mental health milestones over the last year and set a positive tone for the future.

Recognize Your Progress

One of the most significant steps in acknowledging your mental health accomplishments is to recognize your progress, no matter how small. Mental health improvement is not always linear, and even minor victories deserve celebration. Consider these areas of progress:

• • • Overcoming Challenges: Think about obstacles you faced this year. Did you navigate a difficult situation or cope with stress more effectively than before?
    • Improved Coping Mechanisms: Have you developed healthier ways to deal with anxiety, sadness, or anger? For instance, practicing mindfulness, journaling, or reaching out to a trusted friend instead of bottling up emotions.
    • Breaking Patterns: Reflect on whether you’ve identified and interrupted negative thought patterns or behaviors. These shifts indicate significant growth.

Reflect on Your Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience is your ability to bounce back from adversity. Over the past year, think about how you’ve demonstrated resilience. Ask yourself:

• • • Did you recover from setbacks more quickly than in previous years?
    • Were you able to maintain hope or optimism in challenging situations?
    • Have you become better at self-soothing or seeking support when needed?

Recognizing these moments can help you appreciate your strength and adaptability.

Evaluate Your Relationships

Healthy relationships play a crucial role in mental well-being. Reflect on the quality and depth of your connections:

• • • Improved Communication: Have you become more open and honest in expressing your needs, feelings, or boundaries?
    • Strengthened Connections: Did you nurture or deepen relationships that matter to you?
    • Letting Go: Have you distanced yourself from toxic relationships or those that no longer serve your well-being?

These changes can signify a major step forward in prioritizing your mental health.

Acknowledge Your Self-Care Habits

Self-care is a cornerstone of mental health. Over the last year, think about how you’ve incorporated self-care into your life:

• • • Routine Practices: Are you regularly engaging in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, or energy, such as exercising, reading, or meditating?
    • Physical Health Improvements: Have you made strides in nutrition, sleep, or physical activity? These are foundational to mental well-being.
    • Time Management: Have you become better at balancing work, personal life, and downtime?

Even small adjustments in these areas can have a profound impact on your mental health.

Celebrate Your Boundaries

Setting and maintaining boundaries is a powerful mental health accomplishment. Consider these questions:

• • • Have you become more comfortable saying “no” when needed?
    • Are you protecting your time and energy from overcommitment or negativity?
    • Have you communicated your boundaries more effectively to others?

Recognizing and enforcing boundaries is an act of self-respect and self-care.

Reflect on Personal Growth

Personal growth often accompanies mental health achievements. Think about:

• • • Learning Opportunities: Did you acquire new skills, knowledge, or hobbies that boosted your confidence or happiness?
    • Overcoming Fears: Have you faced a fear or stepped out of your comfort zone?
    • Personal Values: Did you gain clarity about what truly matters to you and align your actions with those values?

These developments contribute to a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Note Your Emotional Awareness

Emotional awareness is a key component of mental health. Over the last year, have you:

• • • Become more aware of your triggers and how to manage them?
    • Identified and labeled your emotions more accurately?
    • Learned to accept your feelings without judgment?

These skills can enhance your overall emotional intelligence and well-being.

Highlight Your Support Systems

Recognize the role of support systems in your journey:

• • • Have you sought professional help, such as therapy or counseling, and found it beneficial?
    • Did you lean on friends, family, or support groups during tough times?
    • Have you expanded your network of support, creating a stronger safety net for future challenges?

Building and utilizing support systems is a testament to your strength and resourcefulness.

Practice Gratitude for Your Achievements

Gratitude can amplify your sense of accomplishment. Take a moment to appreciate:

• • • The progress you’ve made, even if it feels incomplete.
    • The resources, opportunities, and people who’ve supported you.
    • The resilience and determination you’ve shown.

Writing down your gratitude or sharing it with someone can deepen its impact.

Set Intentions for the Future

After reflecting on your accomplishments, consider how you’d like to build on them in the coming year:

• • • Specific Goals: Identify areas where you’d like to continue growing, such as developing healthier habits or deepening relationships.
    • Learning Opportunities: Explore books, courses, or practices that can support your mental health journey.
    • Self-Compassion: Commit to being kind to yourself, even when progress feels slow.

Setting realistic and meaningful intentions can provide direction and motivation.

Recognizing your mental health accomplishments is a powerful way to celebrate your journey and inspire continued growth. By reflecting on your progress, resilience, relationships, self-care, and emotional awareness, you can see how far you’ve come. Remember, every step forward—no matter how small—is an achievement worth celebrating. As you move into the next year, carry the lessons and strengths you’ve gained, and continue nurturing your well-being with intention and care.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

November 5, 2024

November is National Family Caregiver Month. On Caregiver Action Network’s website, they share the importance of recognizing caregivers. Celebrating Family Caregivers during National Family Caregivers Month enables all of us to:

• Raise awareness of family caregiver issues
• Celebrate the efforts of family caregivers
• Educate family caregivers about self-identification
• Increase support for family caregivers
• Reduce feelings of isolation”

As a parent/caregiver to 2 children with behavioral health challenges, I know first-hand how easy it can be to neglect my own wellness. Finding time and energy for self-care seemed impossible. If I wasn’t running my child to school and doctor’s appointments and therapies, I was cleaning the house and cooking and working. Being a parent to a child with extra medical needs also left me emotionally drained. I worried about their health and their future. I was hurting because my child was hurting. I was grieving the loss of dreams. The chronic stress experienced by parents and caregivers of children with any type of special healthcare needs can take a toll on their physical and mental health. We have all heard the flight attendant’s instruction to put our own oxygen mask on first before assisting our child or anyone else. This applies to parents and caregivers. If we don’t take care of our wellness first, we will not be at our best to care for our child and their wellness.

An email I received from Mental Health America (MHA) states, “November is National Family Caregivers Month — a time to celebrate the incredible dedication of family members who provide essential care for loved ones managing health challenges, including mental health conditions.” As a parent caring for a child with mental health conditions, I often felt blamed, overlooked, and unappreciated. I also judged myself and struggled with constant regret in my choices as a parent. As I began practicing self-care, I was slowly able to appreciate my dedication to my child and their health. I recognized I was doing the best I could, which was all I could ask of myself. As my wellness improved so did my ability to respond instead of reacting, my compassion grew, I was better at setting healthy boundaries, and I had more to give without feeling resentful.

Caregiver Action Network writes, “During 2024 National Family Caregivers Month, we focus on empowering caregivers to self-identify and access the resources they need to succeed. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. With the proper support and tools, you can continue to provide care while taking care of yourself.” Family Peer Support, whether formal or informal, is an amazing resource. Having someone to talk to who has a shared lived experience and will walk with you on the journey is powerful. You can find a Family Peer Supporter on Montana’s Peer Network’s website under the For Parents/Caregivers tab. Montana’s Peer Network also has a Caregiver Wellness training on their virtual training platform. Sign up for free.

On October 31, 2024, President Biden released A Proclamation on National Family Caregivers Month, 2024. In part it reads, “Family caregivers are the backbone of our Nation, making tremendous sacrifices to be there for the people who need and cherish them most.  This month, we honor their selfless love and courage, and we recommit to getting them the support they deserve.” You can find free resources from Caregiver Action Network for caregivers:

• Caregiver Help Desk – Access free, personalized support for your caregiving challenges.

• 10 Tips for Family Caregivers – Learn practical strategies for managing caregiving stress.
• Take Care of Your Mental Health – Use our free depression screener to monitor your emotional well-being.
• Connect with Other Family Caregivers – Join our Caregiver Action Network Community to share experiences and receive support.
• Share Your Caregiver Story – Inspire others by sharing your caregiving journey.
• Take Advantage of Resources from the I Care… Nonprofit Partners

MHA hosted a webinar Holding on for others: Caregiving, chronic illness, and self-care last year. You can watch the recording here.

Another great event happening this month is free streaming of the documentary “Unseen: How We’re Failing Caregivers & Why It Matters.” It will be available every weekend in November. (Register here) Caregiverdoc.com explains, “The UNSEEN documentary exists to raise awareness of caregiving issues, educate communities, and increase support for caregivers.”

MHA shares that National Family Caregiver Month is “a time to celebrate the contributions of caregivers, provide them with tools that they need, and continue to advocate for individuals with mental illness.” Most importantly, this month (and every month), I hope you, the caregiver, know you are not alone. Montana’s Peer Network is here to support you and walk beside you as we raise our children with special healthcare and behavioral health needs, love and care for them, and fiercely advocate for them. You are not alone. Take care of yourself, too. You are worth it.

by Jim Hajny, Executive Director

October 28, 2024

At the time of this article there are 210 certified behavioral health peer support specialists in Montana. Since the first peer supporter was certified by the Board of Behavioral Health in September of 2018, there have been a total of 400 peer supporters certified. Roughly half or 50% are still working today. The other way to look at it is 50% or half are not. Losing half of its workforce in just over 5 years is not a sign of a healthy workforce. Historically MPN trains around 100 peer supporters a year, half of those who complete Peer Support 101 will not go on to get certified, which is a topic for another article. Half of those who do complete training and are certified will not be for long. The CBHPSS workforce in Montana needs additional support.

Workforce development has been at the heart of our efforts since our inception in 2011, training peer supporters, the employers of peer supporters and advocating for funding to support peer services. MPN has been training peer supporters since 2015 when we facilitated the first 40-hour Peer Support 101 training. Three years before the first certified peer supporter. Right after certification was sign by then Governor Bullock we launched a peer supporter mentoring program to address the well-being of peer supporters regardless of employer. In 2019 we successfully advocated for peer support services to be a Medicaid billable service. ($6.25 million) In 2020, during the pandemic and shutdown, MPN continued to offer Peer Support 101 training in a virtual environment. In 2021 we advocated for and successfully secured a seat on the Board of Behavioral Health for CBHPSS and launched PS 102. In addition, we have been the technical assistance and training contractor for the state of Montana funded recovery Drop-in Centers for 4 years. Assisting in the development of the now 16 Drop-in Centers statewide. In June 2024 we launched an on-demand training platform for people in recovery, peer supporters and their employers. These are just a few of the workforce development efforts MPN has led.

Despite these efforts by MPN, collectively we still have a 50% turnover rate for CBHPSS in 2024. High turnover costs all of us. Replacing an employee costs employers and clients lose their support. Peer supporters lose their employment status and can often feel embarrassment or shame around losing their footing in recovery after relapse or crisis and are unable to seek the support they need to get back in balance. This plagues the peer support workforce. We hear this year after year and therefore list it as the number one cause of turnover. I have stood firm in my belief that encouraging recovery growth, and regular clinical supervision are the two best options for preventing CBHPSS turnover and increasing their mental well-being. The Board of Behavioral Health has identified a high number of ethics violations and peer supporter related grievances and are addressing these through the rules they enforce.

I have outlined some of the reasons for the turnover below.

• Relapse, Crisis, Mental well-being impacted, and emotional toll of the job
• Termination for ethics or policy violations
• Employers lack of planning, development and implementation of peer support services
• Not right fit, misaligned expectations, lack of recovery stability
• Replaced by other positions (Life Coach, Community Health Worker, Behavioral Health Tech, Care Coordinator, etc.)
• Financing peer support service (funding ends, low wages, financial incentives to switch careers)
• Professional Development/Growth (earning a degree and license such as LAC)

MPN does not have the answers to all the reasons on this list. It will take a combined effort to decrease turnover in the CBHPSS workforce. Some places to consider. The CBHPSS workforce needs to step up and begin to take responsibility for one another. If you see a colleague struggling, offer them support not isolation. We need employers to continue to grow their understanding of how to better support CBHPSS. Recovery is holistic and peer support thrives with flexibility. We need the funders of peer support services to include additional support and accountability in their funding. This may help create new avenues for the CBHPSS workforce. We need the Board of Behavioral Health to increase the required number of hours for certification training and audit clinical supervision hours. These are just a few ideas; others may have better ones. Improving the CBHPSS workforce is not a challenge MPN can take on alone. The healthier the peer support workforce is the more effective the support will be across communities.

As a parent of a nonverbal child with autism, our journey has been a tapestry woven with both challenges and triumphs. One of the most significant threads in this tapestry has been understanding sensory processing disorder (SPD) and its profound impact on my son. SPD is often found in children on the autism spectrum and manifests in various sensitivities and reactions to sensory stimuli. By sharing our experiences, I hope not only to advocate for my son but also to raise awareness and support others who are facing similar challenges.

Sensory processing disorder refers to the brain’s difficulty in interpreting and responding to sensory information. This can include sensitivities to light, sound, touch, taste, and smell. For children like my son, everyday environments can become overwhelming and stressful, leading to withdrawal or, when multiple irritations stack up, meltdowns.

Simple activities, such as grocery shopping or attending social gatherings, can be daunting for my son. Bright lights and loud noises in stores often lead to sensory overload. I vividly remember a trip to a crowded supermarket; the bright fluorescents seemed to pulse, and the announcements echoed. My son quickly became agitated, covering his ears, his stimming became louder, and he was tensing up. In that moment, I realized that what might seem like a routine errand to others was an overwhelming experience for him.

At home, certain textures can trigger strong reactions. For instance, he struggles with shirts that feel staticky against his skin, finding certain fabrics unbearable. This has taught me the importance of being mindful of his clothing choices and providing comfortable alternatives. Food can also be particularly challenging; he tends to avoid trying new things and prefers to stick to familiar favorites.

Through trial and error, we’ve developed strategies to help him navigate these sensory challenges. Here are some approaches that have worked for us:

1. Creating a Sensory Retreat: We’ve designated his room as a “sensory retreat.” It’s equipped with soft pillows, weighted blankets, dim lights, a soft rug, a rocking chair, and calming toys. When he feels overwhelmed, he knows he can retreat to this safe space to decompress.
2. Establishing Routine: A consistent daily routine has helped my son feel more secure. Knowing what to expect reduces anxiety and prepares him for sensory-rich environments.
3. Visual Supports: Visual schedules, social stories, and his communication device have been invaluable in preparing him for new experiences. By explaining what he might encounter, we can discuss potential challenges and strategies in advance.
4. Stimming: I’ve witnessed how stimming helps my son regulate his emotions and navigate challenging situations. For example, during a busy family gathering, the noise and commotion can quickly become overwhelming. In those moments, I see him begin to pace or hum softly to himself, “eee”. This rhythmic movement offers him a sense of grounding, helping him find calm amidst the chaos. Stimming, or self-stimulatory behavior, encompasses a wide range of actions, such as hand-flapping, rocking, spinning, or making sounds. For many children with autism, these behaviors serve as a way to self-soothe, manage sensory overload, or simply express joy. It’s a natural response to their unique ways of interacting with the world around them.

As we navigate the complexities of SPD together, I’ve learned to embrace my son’s unique perspective. His heightened awareness of sensory details often leads to moments of profound wonder. He notices the rustle of leaves, the patterns of sunlight through trees, he watches every ripple and wave in the water, and the intricate details of everyday life that many of us overlook. This sensitivity, while challenging, enriches our shared experiences and deepens our connection.

Connecting with other parents of children with autism has been incredibly beneficial. Sharing stories and strategies creates a sense of community and reassurance. Support groups, both in-person and online, serve as lifelines for parents seeking understanding and advice. If you’re on a similar journey, know that you’re not alone. Together, we can navigate the complexities of sensory processing and celebrate the unique perspectives our children bring to the world. Let’s continue to learn, share, and support one another in this remarkable journey of parenthood.

Living with a son who has autism and sensory processing disorder has reshaped my understanding of the world. While the challenges of navigating what works and what doesn’t can be overwhelming, they are accompanied by moments of profound beauty and connection. By focusing on understanding his sensory needs and advocating for him, I aim to create a nurturing environment where he can thrive.

by Ty LaFountain, Recovery Support Cordinator

October 8, 2024

In recognition of Train Your Brain Day on October 13^th, I would like to share one of my secrets that I keep in my toolbox and have incorporated them into my Wellness Recovery Action Plan as something that I must do on a daily basis. This is not something that I have made up or can claim any credit for, but merely a tool that was shown to me early in my recovery that I have continued to do for years.

As a person in long-term recovery from both mental health and substance use disorders(co-occurring), I definitely struggle with some of my thoughts, feelings and actions. Most of these are based on past experiences that I have had. Studies show that our past experiences in situations play a huge role in how we react in similar situations today. Things that have happened in our life create neuropathways; those neuropathways are created by what’s called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the brain’s capacity to continue growing and evolving in response to life experiences. Studies also show that neuroplasticity is at its highest at earlier stages of our lives. Meaning that our childhood experiences play a large role in how we will think, feel and act in certain situations as well as certain core beliefs we may develop. The more positive experiences throughout childhood the more positive ways we react in situations today and vise versa, the more negative childhood experiences we had the more negatively we respond in similar situations today.

Early childhood experiences like my mother having Multiple Sclerosis and being in a vegetative state after I was born and my father being mostly absent throughout my early childhood formed early childhood beliefs that I was unlovable and not good enough. As this continued throughout my life, as a negative core belief, every time something happened in my life to reaffirm these feelings of being unlovable and not good enough, the neuropathways got stronger. I like to think of neuropathways like a dirt road, the more you drive in the same spots, the deeper the ruts, the more pronounced the road becomes. The same with neuropathways, the more they are traveled on, or the more those pathways are activated, the more pronounced they become. So, every time I sat on my porch waiting for my father who never came, and the more I was not comforted in those situations the more it was embedded in my brain that I was unlovable and not good enough. The more this happened the more I believed this would happen in every situation, and I slowly withdrew from people and found my comfort in other things like substances.

Fast forward 20-30 years and look at how those experiences affect my thoughts, feelings and actions today. When I am scheduled to meet someone at a specific time and they are late, as I sit there and wait my brain automatically takes me to that place that I am unlovable and not good enough and this person is most likely not going to show up. The longer that time goes by, the more I subconsciously shutdown and am that kid sitting on the porch waiting for dad to show up, and although my neuroplasticity isn’t what it once was, that same pathway deepens just a little. If that person cancels or does not show, the neuropathway of being unlovable and not good enough gets a little bit deeper.

If this is the case and my feelings, thoughts and emotions are all guided by past experiences then what’s the point? Am I just doomed to this life of feeling unlovable and not good enough?

There is hope! That hope lies in the form of neuroplasticity. Although, not what it once was, we still have neuroplasticity, meaning our brains are still capable of growing and evolving based on life experiences. There are many different types of therapy and techniques that we can use today in order to start to rewire our brain to build new neuropathways. Some of those include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR). These therapy methods focus on taking our negative core beliefs, looking at them and how they were formed and using different techniques and tools to help change those to positive core beliefs that create positive outcomes and actions. Just as with our negative experiences, we must do this over and over, the more we drive down that same road, the deeper the ruts, the more pronounced that road becomes. Those ruts get so deep that soon, we don’t even need to hold the wheel, the car just follows the grooves on its own.

So, what are some tools that I use today? Every morning when I sit down to drink my coffee, I write down three things that I am grateful for today and three positive affirmations about myself. After I have written out my list, I say each one out loud to myself three times. “I am lovable, I am lovable, I am lovable.” This can sometimes be done in front of a mirror, which is thought to be more effective. This begins the process of creating new neuropathways of I am lovable and other positive beliefs to replace the negative beliefs I have been telling myself my entire life. There are different versions of this, I have heard of the 3x3x30. This method is the same concept only you are picking three affirmations that you will tell yourself three times a day for thirty days. After those thirty days you will change your 3x3x30. This is also something that I try to practice throughout the day. Anytime that I have a negative thought, I turn it into a positive, or I may say that thought out loud which takes the power out of it and then I replace it with a positive thought out loud. Notice how I said, I try!” I am not perfect at this, and it takes a lot of practice, time and grace. I did not build these negative thought patterns in one day and I will not change them in one day. I have to give myself grace.

This is just one of the many tools that I use today. It is the one that I do every day, and I believe has really changed my life. I can always tell if I miss a day or sometimes even a couple days. Once again, I am not perfect, I do miss days, sometimes consecutively. And I start to realize I am getting in a negative head space and not being grateful for my surroundings, I take an inventory of myself, and I promptly work to correct my behavior. Once again, this is merely a tool that works for me, that does not mean it works for everybody. Play with it, mold it to fit your life and your recovery. A couple of other tools that I use are ones I mentioned earlier; CBT, REBT, and I have recently started EMDR Therapy with my counselor. One of my favorite tools to use, not just for myself but the people that I am supporting, is SMART Recovery. SMART Recovery uses a mixture of CBT and REBT to help rewire the brain. Once again, there is no one pathway to recovery. If one doesn’t work for you, try something else. There are infinite pathways to recovery.

By Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

September 24, 2024

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition ignited, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller

Today, I invite you to join me on a journey. The map I was given at birth was filled with detours, unexpected stops, fast-paced highways, and scenic routes, accompanied by plenty of bumps and flat tires. Through adaptation and countless obstacles, I navigated a less-traveled road—a highway leading to self-awareness and recovery. I want to pause a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude to each of you here today reading this. I know you have faced your own battles, and your presence signifies that you’ve found hope after being hurt and discovered the courage to keep showing up for yourselves. Thank you for allowing me the space to be vulnerable and share my story.

Before I dive into my successes, I must be honest about the struggles and losses I've faced—mostly at my own hands, but also at the hands of others. I am a survivor of complex trauma, navigating a world shaped by anxiety and depression. I received a late diagnosis of ADHD. For thirty years, I excelled at being what everyone else needed, so much so that I lost sight of who I was and what I truly wanted in life. I thought I had it all figured out, only to find myself in the ER at 18, convinced I was having a heart attack. The doctors told me my EKG results were immaculate. When I asked what it could mean, they casually dismissed it as “just a panic attack.” But how could that be? For years, I had expressed sympathy for those struggling with diagnoses, convinced that I was “fine.” My subconscious was screaming to be heard, and I simply ignored it. My college years became a whirlwind of chaos—fun, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and the persistent belief that I was okay.

Reflecting on the little girl born in June of 1990 is bittersweet. She faced challenges far beyond her years yet handled them with grace. Joyful, kind, confident, talkative, and emotionally mature, she saw the good in everyone, even in those who struggled to show it. I envy her resilience; she loved freely, expecting nothing in return. Perhaps I envy her because I am “her”—the same essence still resides within me. But I was naïve to the toll this ability to love could take on my bright spirit.

As years passed, friendships and romantic relationships flowed through cycles of joy, confusion, love, and heartache. I took a break from school to pursue promotions at work, where I felt valued and connected.

Becoming a mom was a beautiful chapter in my story. I thrived in that role, embracing the joys and challenges of motherhood in a new city. The love I felt for my son was unconditional, profound, and hard to articulate. Three and a half years later, I became pregnant with my second son, who also brought immense joy and tenderness into my life. Both my boys enriched my existence, and their uniqueness taught me how to love two individuals exactly as they were meant to be.

Despite the chaos, I cherish being a mother. Yet motherhood can be overwhelming—there are countless tasks to juggle, financial stresses, and the constant responsibility of ensuring another’s safety. While it brings an abundance of love, it also magnifies feelings of inadequacy. I was terrified of letting my boys down, leading me to second-guess myself repeatedly. My untreated anxiety intensified, occasionally spiraling into depression. Eventually, I found myself waking up and merely going through the motions. A neck injury compounded my sense of being lost, but counseling became a vital lifeline, providing me with a space to be heard.

When we moved to Montana, a place steeped in cherished childhood memories, my dreams began to take shape. I found a new flicker of hope, returning to work while my boys started school. But then I faced another challenge: my youngest’s regression with Autism. He lost his language and many of the abilities I had treasured. I mourned the child I once knew while stepping up to be the mother he needed.

I resumed counseling, and after two years of revisiting the same struggles, my therapist delivered a powerful revelation: “If you’re unhappy with your life, you have two choices. You can completely change how your life looks, or you need to find better solutions to feel comfortable in your current situation.” It was an awakening moment.

Four years ago, I grew weary of my narrative and finally admitted the truth: I was the only one who could change my life. I learned to listen to my inner voice and advocate for myself. EMDR therapy became transformative, helping me reclaim my life. Today, my boys are thriving. I’ve met a wonderful partner who loves me for who I am. I’ve embraced the role of being a bonus to a beautiful little girl. I am passionate about my work and a fierce advocate for others. My experiences have granted me the ability to meet people where they are, recognizing that the fundamental human need is connection. With even a glimmer of hope, beautiful transformations can occur.

Now, I stand proud of the person I see in the mirror. When I need a reminder, the little girl within me whispers that I am joyful, kind, confident, talkative, curious, and emotionally mature. I understand how the world works, and I strive to treat even the unloving with compassion. We are all born good, and we are all doing our best.

by Beth Ayers, Family Support Lead

September 10, 2024

September is Recovery Month. But What Does Recovery Mean for Families?

The word “recovery” is usually associated with addiction, sobriety, AA, substance use disorder, treatment, or abstinence. In healthcare, we associate “recovery” with healing after surgery, illness, or injury. In the recovery world, “recovery” from mental health disorders can look like managing symptoms, absence of hospital stays, improvement in mental health, or increased ability to function in day-to-day life.

Parents and caregivers of children with special healthcare needs including behavioral health, usually don’t see the word “recovery” applying to them or their families and especially not children who have life-long physical, cognitive, or developmental disabilities.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines recovery as “a process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential.” According to this definition, “recovery” absolutely applies to children with any special healthcare need, to their parents and caregivers, and to the family as a whole. Improvement in health isn’t only physical; it can be emotional, mental, or spiritual health. In family-centered care, the child or youth and the parents or caregivers are encouraged to participate in the decision-making process and plan of care. Their voice and choice matter and are essential. I believe it is every parent’s and caregiver’s goal to help the child reach their full potential, whatever that looks like for the individual.

The word “wellness” is often substituted for recovery. “Wellness” can be easier for some families to relate to than “recovery.” However, “wellness” can still be hard to identify with for parents and caregivers of children with lifelong health conditions or disabilities. “Wellness” is sometimes used to describe complete healing, perfect health, or being free from illness or disability. But the Global Wellness Institute defines wellness as “the active pursuit of activities, choices and lifestyles that lead to a state of holistic health.” Holistic health encompasses all aspects of a person’s being including emotional, mental or intellectual, physical, spiritual, vocational, financial, social, and environmental. Every child, regardless of their challenge, illness, or disability, can have wellness. I have a friend whose son has down syndrome, a genetic disorder that causes developmental delays and physical disabilities. I would describe him as living in wellness. He participates in activities such as sports including being on teams in Special Olympics (he even carried the torch one year!), art classes, and riding an innertube behind his family’s boat (he even loves the wipe out!). He loves his job at a pizza restaurant and told me the other day that he has been there 7 years. He enjoys volunteering as greeter on Sundays at his church and loves social interactions with his friends, family, coworkers, and everyone he meets. His life is full of purpose, fun, and wellness. He jumps out of bed everyday ready to take on the world. If that’s not “wellness,” I don’t know what is. SAMHSA “envisions wellness not as the absence of disease, illness, and stress, but as the presence of a positive purpose in life, satisfying work and play, joyful relationships, a healthy body and living environment.”[1]

Looking at the definitions of recovery and wellness, I would say they are interchangeable and possible for everyone.

Our recovery and wellness journeys are not straight lines. They come with ups and downs, forward and backward movements, stops and starts, and plateaus. They do not have a beginning or ending point. They are unique to each individual. Your recovery and wellness are defined by you alone. Recovery and wellness can take many paths. SAMHSA has developed 10 Guiding Principles of Recovery (and Wellness, added by me). Recovery (Wellness):

• Emerges from hope
• Is person-driven
• Occurs via many pathways
• Is holistic
• Is supported by peers and allies
• Is supported through relationship and social networks
• Is culturally-based and influenced
• Is supported by addressing trauma
• Involves individual, family, and community strengths and responsibility
• Is based on respect

My recovery/wellness journey began before I had children, but I wouldn’t have described it as such. From an early age, I learned what I enjoyed and what I was good at. I learned coping strategies for the ups and downs of life. Unfortunately, instead of leading me closer to wellness, my coping strategies were destructive to my health and wellness. Learning new ways to cope has been part of my journey. I have found hope and social networks in support groups. I have tried different pathways, some leading to recovery and wellness and others not so much. One pathway I tried repeatedly could be described as a tightrope. I would start at the beginning, finding my “balance” by doing everything “right.” With wellness on the other end as my goal, I would carefully make my way across. But inevitably I would make a “wrong” move. I couldn’t seem to hold it together long enough to get to the other side. I would get angry at my child or spouse; I would not get my responsibilities done; my life wouldn’t go the way I was hoping; my child would misbehave obviously due to my poor parenting; my feelings would be negative; I wasn’t doing it perfectly. And just like that, I had fallen off my “path.” Usually, my fall from the tightrope led me to those destructive coping strategies to deal with my feelings of failure and hopelessness. Eventually, I would pick myself up and go back to the beginning and start over. Always trying to hold it all together long enough to reach the other side and the wellness and safety I thought waited for me there. I have learned to take a different path of recovery and wellness. This alternative pathway is a trail. There is no end to my recovery/wellness journey, no point when I arrive at total wellness. I get to experience wellness as I move along the trail. Somedays more than others. There are times I “fall off” the path. But unlike the tightrope, I just step back on. Sometimes I get lost in the forest and have to find my way back. Sometimes I turn around and go back aways. Sometimes I sit down stubbornly refusing to continue on. As I look back at my pathway, I see how far I have come. Despite all the detours and wrong turns, I have made progress. Unlike the tightrope requiring perfection where I continue to have to start over at the beginning, my new pathway is more gentle and forgiving. I learn how to offer myself and others grace.

My recovery/wellness journey has also included, at different times and not all at once, professional counseling (individual, family, and marital), sponsorship and mentoring (getting to be both sponsor and sponsee), support groups, church groups, self-help and leadership development books, peer support trainings, exercise, developing healthier eating habits, crying (studies have shown the healing power of tears), prescribed medication, self-care such as rest through meditation or fun with hobbies I enjoy (snuck into the tiny bits of free time here and there), quiet time and prayer, traveling, spending time in nature, keeping a gratitude list, journaling, being in relationship with others (my close friends have been lifesavers), and learning to use my voice and my lived experience to advocate for myself, my child, my family, and others. Becoming a Family Peer Supporter has been a big part of my recovery/wellness journey.

Acceptance has also been important to my recovery/wellness. Accepting myself, accepting my child, accepting my child’s behavioral health challenges and diagnoses, accepting my reality, and accepting what I cannot change which is everything and everyone besides myself and my actions. I have had to go through the grieving process with lost dreams and hopes for myself and my child. And I continue to go through the grieving process whenever there is change or a new stage of treatment or new loss. Overall, hope has been the most important. Hope that recovery and wellness are possible; hope for new dreams; hope that we will get through whatever season we are in; hope shared by others who are further in their recovery/wellness journey. We share hope whenever we share our recovery (or resiliency) story with others.

So, what do the words “recovery” and “wellness” mean to families and parents/caregivers raising children with behavioral health challenges and special healthcare needs?

• “A process of change through which individuals improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential.” (SAMSHA)
• “The active pursuit of activities, choices and lifestyles that lead to a state of holistic health.” (Global Wellness Institute)
• “Not as the absence of disease, illness, and stress, but as the presence of a positive purpose in life, satisfying work and play, joyful relationships, a healthy body and living environment.” (SAMHSA)

To hear other family members share their own family recovery story and how they learned to improve their health and wellness, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential as a family, register for a Special Recovery Month Family Event:  "Nothing About Us Without Us: Families Supporting Recovery." This event will be held virtually Monday, September 16, 2024, at 11:00 am MST and hosted by SAMSHA and the National Federation of Families. Register at https://www.zoomgov.com/meeting/register/vJItf-irqTwiG8Bn85d59NIptD0G61q1ZSk#/registration.

by Andi Daniel, Technology Coordinator

September 10, 2024

How do we define recovery for mental health? Recovery is generally a well understood concept when it relates to physical illnesses or injuries or substance use. The timeline for recovery is definable as the date that an illness was diagnosed, an injury occurred, or a person stops  using substances (or reduces use in harm reduction). Some recovery programs, such as 12-step, acknowledge that time with a physical item given at specific intervals (30 days, 60 days, 1 year, etc.). Mental health recovery is a bit more nebulous.

I have struggled with mental health issues as long as I can remember but wasn't diagnosed or treated for them until I was in my 20s. Therapy wasn't common when I was growing up and there was significant stigma attached to seeing a mental health professional. Even adult resources were limited. Many people were prescribed "tranquilizers" or anti-psychotics, given electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), or institutionalized for long periods of time. Recovery could potentially be measured from the time someone started taking medication, received ECT, or was released from institutionalization although the concept of recovery wasn't really promoted at the time. We are often told that this is just the way our lives are going to be and that there is no "cure." While it is true that many mental illnesses are not cured, it is also true that we can live in recovery and manage our symptoms. This is like someone with a physical condition that will be lifelong but the symptoms and negative impacts can be mitigated. One of the most common analogies is that of diabetes. There is no cure but people can control the symptoms and do most things that people without diabetes can do. We can measure recovery in quantitative terms such as when a person maintains a healthy blood sugar level for a certain amount of time.

There is no blood sugar equivalent for mental health. There isn't really a quantitative description for when someone is in recovery in regard to mental health. Does recovery begin at diagnosis? That is difficult because there is no specific measure of mental illness. Diagnosis is based on observations or reported symptoms but there is no definitive test. Also, recovery looks different for everyone and the only way to determine progress is observation and reported symptoms again which may not be reliable. I remember being given the Beck Depression Inventory in college and thinking "how depressed do I want to appear today?" I was a psychology student and had learned about the test but even people without a background in psychology could choose to answer the questions in a way that could make them appear more or less impaired by their illness. If someone is concerned about being institutionalized, they are unlikely to choose answers that will make institutionalization more likely. If I complete the form in one way, it will look like I am recovering when I may not be whereas a person can't fake their blood sugar levels.

In simple terms, recovery can be defined as returning to a "normal" state. Normal looks different for everyone so that isn't a very good description of mental health recovery. How do I know what normal is if I have been struggling for a long time or have had symptoms for as long as I can remember?

I have decided to count my recovery from the time I last purposely injured myself. I could have chosen the day I left an inpatient setting or recovered physically from a suicide attempt but I really wasn't getting better after those events. I was still experiencing symptoms of my mental illness in a way that was disruptive to my life. I still had suicidal thoughts and injured myself. I can't pinpoint the exact day that the symptoms were less disruptive and I still have suicidal thoughts from time to time. I have a plan and I do things that help me control my symptoms. I am in recovery.

By Nikki Russell

July 2, 2024

Harm reduction involves guiding individuals toward recovery and giving them a second chance at life. The United States' integrated recovery system claims responsibility for the healing process. The disease model suggests that addiction is a natural allergy, and having the condition for life means that people are encouraged to participate in a 12-step healing process, which offers a legitimate path to recovery. This involves regularly attending meetings, working through the 12 steps, and helping other individuals with alcoholism to keep their addiction in check. On the other hand, the harm reduction model takes a different approach to treating individuals struggling with addiction. Harm reduction is a public health model in which the goal may be abstinence. Still, there are smaller steps that one could take to approach the intersection of addiction and recovery. Embracing harm reduction enables peer support specialists to connect with their peers.

A peer support specialist creates an environment for the healing process. There are many valid perspectives on the healing journey. Religion leans on prayer, sacrament, exorcism, and anointing with oil to heal the mind, body, and spirit. Energy Healers transfer energy into the body as the vitality that accumulates negative energy, opening up blockages through the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual outpour that can cause illness. The unblocking or healing of the energy system happens through different modalities such as acupuncture, Healing Touch, Reiki, and Therapeutic Touch. Peer Support Specialists rely on lived experience, creating mutuality that leads to trust. Modern perspectives require many new perspectives, like the recovery model, to support those suffering and recognize the great need to meet people where they are to achieve wellness.

Harm reduction aims to minimize negative social and physical consequences and provide hope to individuals. The disease model emphasizes abstinence as the primary component of a successful recovery program. A relapse is a significant obstacle in a recovery plan and often occurs with emotional, mental, and lifestyle factors or triggers. The inability to maintain abstinence can lead to feelings of hopelessness and activate harmful consequences. Harm reduction demonstrates that many individuals are living in an environment of adverse effects, functioning in survival mode without realizing it; this is where harm reduction excels; by allowing a person to enter less traumatic moments could help them gain clarity. If abstinence is a requirement for a large community of people, recovery may never reach them. The central harm reduction principles are to keep the client alive, sustain their health, and help them achieve their life goals. The main objective of harm reduction works because we see the peer and their needs as essential rather than fitting them into a societal box. Harm reduction combines a spiritual solution of accepting people where they are and a scientific evidence-based practice incorporating health into a recovery plan one day at a time.

Beginning the journey of the healing process in harm reduction is about accepting people where they are and recognizing not everybody fits into the disease model box. Recovery is a healing process of restoration to mind-body wholeness; recovery may not begin after or because of treatment but may be a part of the consistent recovery process; just as the Alcoholic goes to meetings for treatment, a daily reprieve, a pregnant woman may need to accept medically assisted treatment (MAT) for her long-term recovery to help manage cravings, withdrawal symptoms, and keep her baby healthy.

Adopting a harm reduction mindset creates a healing atmosphere outside the box. When peer support specialists meet their peers halfway, they offer them a more holistic approach, reduce stigma, and help them initiate healing. Religion, energy healers, and Peer Support Specialists contribute to harm reduction by blending evidence-based practices and spirituality to create the best outcome. Bringing compassionate solutions to people allows them to take responsibility for their lives on their own terms. Considering peers is critical when determining if they need harm reduction versus the disease model of addiction. Recovery has many pathways that deserve a Peer Support Specialist's attention to achieve a broad spectrum of healing modalities that can help people achieve a long-term recovery on their terms.

For further research, check out these websites:

National Harm Reduction Coalition

Pregnancy and Substance Use: A Harm Reduction Toolkit - National Harm Reduction Coalition

By Kayla Myers, Family Peer Supporter

March 11, 2024

I had a revelation recently and am still unsure how to correct this coping mechanism I acquired on my journey through life. I guess at this point acknowledging and identifying this within myself is currently the stage I am in. So, I thought this would be a good way to reflect through writing and see if any more revelations transpire my growth. “Carpe Diem” is a Latin term meaning “Seize the day”. This can inspire the idea of living in the moment or for today, so we aren’t wasting what little time we have on this earth worrying about what has already happened or what is to come.

I was recently re-exposed to the idea of perfectionism. Identifying as someone who struggled with perfectionism didn’t ring true for me when I heard this idea brought up long ago. To me perfectionism meant you kept your spaces tidy, and your hair and makeup were always done, you were an overachiever, and things had to be perfect in your mind until you could be proud of yourself or the work you accomplished. I do not need things to be perfect to live a life that feels good to me. But when we dove into the layers of perfectionism, something hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that I had this invisible report card inside of me where I was being graded and I was the one grading myself. I have zero idea of what I am being graded on or my expectations for myself, but it's there. How can I live up to this potential of a bogus scoring system that I allowed to control my self-worth and not offer myself grace when I don’t succeed? I feel like I owe myself an apology for setting such unfair terms to measure my success and when I fail, my worth always crumbles in my hands.

I have always been a kind soul. The one that roots for the underdog and wants to believe that we are all good underneath the layers of our lives and journeys that either left us better or battered. We are all trying to do the best job we know how to do with the tools we have in our toolkits. I offer grace and understanding to everyone around me and keep in mind that I have zero idea about the battles they are fighting every day. All these things come so naturally to me, but I have a hard time offering these same ideas to myself. I am hard on myself. I am my own worst enemy sometimes. Trying to live up to an unrealistic inhuman standard I set for myself long ago. Hey, I should start now, I am proud of myself for being able to identify the pattern I am in and give it life by acknowledging it's there and breathing into it to see what I need so I can sink deeper into my authentic self. I am also proud of myself because I recognize it's time to start offering myself the same grace and compassion that I offer others and to acknowledge I am a human and doing my best every day.

Carpe Diem- I pledge to myself to keep this mantra in the forefront of my mind. When I feel uneasy about what is happening around me, in my body, or mind, I am going to remind myself that the only thing I am in control of is my response to what is uncomfortable. I will let my invisible report card take a rest so I am not keeping track of all my faults, and I will offer myself the grace to learn and do differently next time. I am a perfectly capable but flawed human being. My expectation of me is to live a life that feels good, not one that looks perfect to everyone else.

by Jim Hajny, Executive Director

July 25, 2023

The psychologist Carl Jung wrote, “…knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” Finding meaning in our lives, understanding who we are is an important component to the recovery journey. When we are not well, we don’t have the opportunity to get to know ourselves. We are consumed by our own darkness. Once we begin the journey of recovery the light begins to find its way in and we often begin to ask, who am I. What do I like? What do I want to do with my time, my life?  We may find we need to let go of friends we hung out with. We may find we have lots of extra time to fill but unsure how to fill it. This is where I encourage the idea of volunteerism. In the twelve-step community it is referred to as service work. The Cambridge Dictionary defines volunteerism as; "the practice of doing work for good causes, without being paid for it."

In most communities there are non-profits who are looking for individuals to volunteer their time for their mission. Nonprofits often don’t have enough funds to get all of the task or jobs done so they rely on volunteers. You can volunteer for as little as a few hours a week or for a few months at a time. Volunteering your time feels great, despite not being paid. It will also open a person up to new ideas, people, and places. It is an opportunity to give back to the community.

When I ran Peer Solutions Drop in Center in Livingston we would volunteer at the local soup kitchen preparing and serving meals. We also participated in the adopt a highway program where we did roadside cleanup each spring. I always felt good afterwards, my spirit was renewed, and I walked away knowing I had done something that was greater than myself, something positive that would have a ripple effect across the community. These are two examples of volunteerism. There are many more opportunities that can be found. Here are a few to consider around Montana:

Volunteer with Montana State Parks

Montana Master Naturalist Volunteer Service Opportunities

Planned Parenthood of Montana

Become a Befriender Volunteer

Volunteer on an Indian Reservation

Volunteer Missoula

Montana Food Bank Network

by  Andi Daniel, Technology Coordinator

May 30, 2023

You have probably heard that computers, phones, social media, and other apps are bad for your mental health. That can definitely be an issue as many things in our lives can affect our mental health. In general, too much of just about anything can be problematic. There are various ways in which technology can adversely affect us but there are great things that technology can do for us.

Physical Effects

All electronics can cause eye strain and the type of light emitted by the device can interfere with sleep. Some phones and tablets have the option to set a blue filter on the screen to help at night and you can generally adjust the brightness of the screen. You can also purchase blue light blocking glasses if you are experiencing eyes strain. If we spend a lot of time looking down at our phones or tablets, we may feel strain in our necks and backs. We tend to lean forward when we are at our computers or slump in comfy chairs when watching movies or series. Watching screens also keeps us sedentary and it is easy to get involved in binging a series, following several links one after the other, or scrolling through Facebook, Instagram, and other social media apps.

Psychological Effects

Comparing yourself to what you see on social media apps can be detrimental to your wellness and mental health. We often want to show the world the best of ourselves and our social media reflects that. It is easy to compare your life with what others post on their accounts. We see vacations, good food, workout videos, weight loss milestones, and other things that can make us feel like we don't measure up. Excessive use of social media can also lead us to isolation. It can feel like you are connecting with others but you aren't getting that feedback when you are scrolling through an app. That's not to say you can't cultivate relationships through technology - before email and phones, people communicated via letters - but you still have to work at maintaining those relationships. I have found some wonderful people on social media that I feel are friends even though we may never meet each other in person.

It is also easy for us to insulate ourselves from differing opinions online. Your feeds are curated based on what you look at, click on, and watch. Ever notice how you are searching for something and all of a sudden you are getting ads for that thing? The algorithms are tracking your visits and even listening to you if you have your microphones on our you have an Alexa or Google Dot or another similar device. This can give you a skewed perspective of the available information because you aren't seeing things that you might not agree with.

Technology isn't all bad, though. As I stated above, we can make new friends and stay in touch with our friends easier. Many health care providers offer telehealth services. This expanded in the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic and some providers continue to use it. This is extremely helpful for people in very rural areas who might not have access to providers where they live.

Sometimes, it is helpful for our mental health to stay organized and there are many apps available. Some allow you to share calendars with others and some can remind you of tasks you need to finish or appointments you need to attend. It is especially challenging to keep track of appointments and activities when you have several children that you are shuffling form place to place. Many providers have apps that will help you see your medical history, schedule appointments, and connect with your providers.

There are also many apps that are designed for people in recovery or to help manage your mental health. MyMHCP is a place for you to develop and access your recovery plan easily. The Veterans' Administration has a list of apps, some of which are available for anyone such as CBT-i Coach, Mindfulness Coach, and PTSD Coach. There are even apps for people in 12 Step programs.

Many apps are free or have free trial periods so you can test them out before buying them. Free doesn't always mean poorly executed. Some of the best apps are free or quite inexpensive. Try them out and see what works best for you!

by Erin Faulkner, Family Peer Supporter

May 16, 2023

“Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.” SAMSHA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration)

Everyone goes through ups and downs in their mental health throughout their lives.  Some people struggle more than others and require help beyond themselves.  However, we all strive to be content mentally.  How do you do that?  Do you go for walks every day?  Do you talk to your loved ones?  Do you meditate?

I recently learned about the 8 Dimensions of Wellness.  Before I dive into these, I first want to define what “wellness” means.  Wellness is the “act of practicing healthy habits on a daily basis to attain better physical and mental health outcomes.¹”  For many people, wellness is associated with physical health, but not necessarily with mental health.  I know that was true for me for much of my life.  By taking stock of different areas of my life and consciously making a plan for how to improve these various aspects, I can increase my quality of life.  I am just starting this journey myself and have a ways to go, but I believe with guidance from these dimensions, I can make some improvements in myself.

The 8 Dimensions of Wellness include occupational, physical, emotional, social, spiritual, intellectual, environmental and financial domains.  To be honest, when I first started looking at these areas, I realized that I definitely take better care of myself in certain areas than in others.  There are also areas where I felt I had a better handle on than I actually did once I started delving into some examples.  I am a person who likes to follow rules, so having an outline or guide is comfortable to me and makes me more likely to follow through with an activity. 

SAMSHA has an excellent guide to help you walk through each Dimension.²  You can choose any area to start with.  Maybe you can only manage 1 area at a time.  That’s okay.  Baby steps towards mental wellness will still get you there eventually, but going too big, too fast may not be sustainable.  “Don’t bite off more than you can chew,” as they say. 

Which step on your journey to mental wellness will you take first?

by Bill Deavel, Peer Support Coordinator

May 2, 2023

I have been able to be part of mental health awareness month for the past 7 years. It has been a learning experience for me. Why did I add SAMHSA 8 Dimensions of Wellness wheel? Glad you asked. I have, over the past couple of years, been homing in on specific dimension of wellness and working on the dimension for an entire year. Each of these dimensions plays a key role in my overall mental health. For me the one I am working on this year is Physical. I have allowed myself to be so consumed with the other dimensions that I put physical on the back burner thinking somehow was less important. Well, it has caught up to me. My physical health is now affecting my mental health. So, I have implemented small steps to address my physical health. I mention this piece of my life to you to give an example of the importance of whole health.

Mental health awareness month is a beginning point for all of us to work on our whole health which is why I put in the 8 Dimensions of Wellness wheel. I have put together a presentation for our realizing recovery webinar, which is at noon on May 17^th.  Over the last two years, I have been able to be part of a community effort to bring awareness to mental health awareness month. This year our theme will be putting art and family as part of the theme “The Art of Mental Health-Family Wellness Fair 2023” and it has been a great experience to be apart of.

Let’s go back to 7 years ago so I can explain the evolution of me being apart of this month. At the time I was working for a Mental Health Center here in Butte as a peer support specialist. I had never been part of Mental Health Awareness Month; the day hall manager organized a walk for the peers at the organization. He had t-shirts made for all those that wanted to participate. He established a route that we would take around uptown Butte. He had art groups in the previous weeks to make signs and banners. This was my first experience being involved with this event. I was unsure how I felt about participating in this event, the self-stigma that I was feeling conflicted with the passion that I had for this movement. I chose to participate in the event. The banner, which was three feet wide and six feet long, was the engine for our walk, three of our peers held the banner as we walked through uptown Butte. The were people holding signs, oh the banner said "Stomp out the Stigma," the sign said "Honk to Stomp out the Stigma." We were all wearing green t-shirts that said "Stomp out the Stigma." I was able to get past my own self stigma, embrace the moment and be part of something bigger than myself. I was filled with humility and gratitude.

Mental Health Awareness Month has been a month to be able to reflect on my growth in recovery. And as I have mentioned in this article, I can continue to improve my mental health. I have been able to grow and gain new skills to help me deal with my mental health conditions. I now can empower others to face their own journey of mental health recovery. What a true blessing this has become. I would like to encourage all of you to step into your recovery and challenge yourself to grow, that is what mental health awareness month has done for me. Lets be proud of who we are and support ourselves and other on this journey called recovery.

by Erin Faulkner

April 18, 2023

Go to your local bookstore or search on Amazon and you will find books to teach you just about anything. There are even books about parenting. The difference between a book about cooking and a book about parenting is that cooking is, for the most part, predictable and routine. If you have the skills and follow the recipe, you will most likely get good results.

But we can’t predict what will happen to our children. We can’t control their every move. As much as we try, we can’t always prevent them from getting sick or hurt. Sometimes, we make the right decisions. Sometimes, we make the wrong ones. There may even be times where we did nothing wrong, but we think that someone is to blame for what has happened or is happening to our child, so we blame ourselves.

When I was 24, I found out that I have a hereditary condition called Stickler Syndrome. It is a connective tissue disorder that affects vision, eye health, hearing, joints and sometimes the heart. There is a 50% chance that this condition will be passed down to each offspring. There is no way to know if it will happen or how severely the children will be affected. Six years later, I chose to have a child anyway. We knew before we left the hospital that my daughter had Stickler Syndrome, as well. Because I had the condition, at first, I didn’t feel the guilt. But as she got older, she started recognizing and feeling some of the unpleasantness associated with this condition: looking different due to her size and thick glasses, not being able to hear well and needing hearing aids, experiencing pain, and being injured easily. How could I have done this to her? Why did I choose to do this? Was I selfish? However, as much as I felt guilty and cried for her emotional and physical pain, I wouldn’t go back and change my decision. My love for her is greater than the guilt of the challenges I gave her.

I had guilt which then changed to acceptance. This led to forgiveness. An internet search of self-forgiveness defined it as “a positive attitudinal shift in the feelings, actions, and beliefs about the self, following a self-perceived transgression or wrongdoing committed by the self” I needed to change those negative feelings about myself into positive ones. Instead of feeling anger at myself for causing her suffering, I feel pride in her resilience. Instead of feeling guilty for my selfishness, I feel a sense of accomplishment for having navigated the many systems to get her where she is today - health, insurance, school.

One of the 8 Dimensions of Wellness is Emotional. One of the definitions is “being kind to yourself as you experience a wide range of emotions.” We don’t always get it right. We want to remember our mistakes, so that we learn from them. But don’t dwell on them, or you won’t be able to enjoy the future.

I will leave you with this quote by Lori Deschene that I coincidentally saw on Facebook this week.

"Forgive yourself and stop dwelling on everything you think you could have done better. The past is behind you, and it can only control you if you let it. So let go of what you should have done and focus on doing the best you can going forward."