by Ty LaFountain, Recovery Support Coordinator

January 14, 2025

I started using substances at the age of eleven. Technically, I could argue that I started using substances way before that. I was in second grade the first time that I put grass in a piece of paper and tried to smoke it, emulating what I had watched my father do (of course he wasn’t smoking grass). Then in about third or fourth grade we started stealing my mom’s cigarettes and occasionally stealing them from the Buttrey’s across the street from our house. We learned that if we inhaled these cigarettes, we would get a little buzz. We would inhale the smoke and then try to walk on the curb, lightheaded and off balance. We thought this was the coolest thing in the world. We would also take the cigarette smoke and blow it out against a wall, and it would make these giant smoke rings, once again, this was very cool to us, as that is what the cool guys did in the movies. I guess you could say this is where my true substance use began.

As I got older, seventh grade, my family would go out to my father’s cabin in the Dearborn mountains. He had this plant behind his couch that he would go over and pick something off, put it on a baking sheet and put it in the oven. After a few minutes he would take it out of the oven and roll it up and smoke it. One night, when he went to bed, I snook out there and picked a bunch of leaves off the plant; I took them home and tried to roll them up and smoke them. My older siblings caught me in this process and said, “that’s not how you do it, here we’ll show you how to do it.” And they did. I was already smoking cigarettes at the time and was quickly smoking marijuana daily and drinking alcohol on the weekends. This later led me to harder substances, but this was the beginning of my substance use disorder.

I write this blog for the first annual Substance Use Disorder Treatment Month (Treatment Month). SAMHSA recently announced that January 2025 would be the launch of Treatment Month. According to SAMHSA “this serves to support: people contemplating or seeking help for substance use, practitioners treating or considering treating substance use disorder, friends, family and loved ones of people with substance use conditions; by raising awareness of treatment. SAMHSA seeks to: eliminate stigma surrounding treatment, including medications used to treat substance use disorders, encourage those on their treatment and recovery journey, and promote best practices such as screening, intervention, and treatment of substance use disorders by health care professionals.

First, let’s talk about substance use disorders (SUD). Whether it be alcohol use disorder (AUD), opioid use disorder (OUD), or drug use disorder (DUD), a substance use disorder is a substance use disorder. Of course, I am not saying they are all the exact same and can all be treated the same, however they are all substance use disorders that are manageable and treatable with the right support and treatment and must be acknowledged as such. One thing that our society commonly does is treat them as though one is more socially acceptable than the other.  

 We are all familiar with our drug problems in the United States. We hear about the opioid/fentanyl crisis every day, with over 100,000 individuals losing their lives to overdose last year (last year was the first year in twenty years we saw a decrease in overdose fatalities). We are all familiar with the “war on drugs” sparked by the Raegan administration. There is the “Meth, not even once” movement. Yet, one of the most overlooked drug problems we have in the United States is the excessive use of alcohol. For some reason, when we discuss drugs, alcohol is often put in a separate category. We often say or hear people say, “drugs and alcohol.” The two should not be separated, alcohol is a drug and the most dangerous and abused drug in America. According to recent reports by The Pew Charitable Trusts and the Drug Abuse Warning Network (DAWN), alcohol accounts for America’s worst drug problem and accounted for the most drug related ED visits in the U.S. in 2023.

According to The Pew Charitable Trusts article, “America’s Most Common Drug Problem? Unhealthy Alcohol Use,” “Alcohol is the leading driver of substance use-related fatalities in America: Each year, frequent or excessive drinking causes approximately 178,000 deaths. Excessive alcohol use is common in the United States among people who drink: In 2022, of the 137 million Americans who reported drinking in the last 30 days, 45% reported binge drinking (five or more drinks in a sitting for men; four for women). Such excessive drinking is associated with health problems such as injuries, alcohol poisoning, cardiovascular conditions, mental health problems, and certain cancers. (The Pew Charitable Trusts 2024)”

Alcohol accounted for the most drug-related ED visits in 2023 with 41%, with the nearest substances not even coming close to that number, with cannabis coming in at number two with 11.8% followed by opioids at 11.6%. Yet, we continue to overlook alcohol as a drug and continue to stigmatize the use of other drugs. In 2023 there were approximately 29 million people within the United States who met the criteria for alcohol use disorder, yet less than 1 in 10 received any form of treatment. According to the CDC excessive alcohol use has an annual economic cost of approximately $249 billion nationwide and $871 million annually in Montana.

Alcohol also has a very close relationship with suicide. Alcohol is considered the heaviest factor involved in suicide. One third of all suicides within the United States involve alcohol.  Montana is among the top three states in the country in suicide rates every year. Montanans consume more alcohol than most of the country, on average: 48.7 gallons per capita compared to the national average of 34 gallons per capita, ranking third among the states. Is this a coincidence? You decide. For people who have suicided, the rate of finding alcohol in their system at the time of death was two times the national average in Montana. In the United States, and more specifically in Montana, drinking seems to be the social norm. Growing up in Montana, I felt like drinking was just the norm and it’s just what everyone did.

I am not here to introduce people to a drug that we all already know exists. My goal is to make people aware that despite having no medicinal purposes when ingested, drinking alcohol is considered socially and culturally acceptable while we dehumanize and shame people who use less socially acceptable substances like methamphetamine, opioids, MDMA and others.

Why do we normalize drinking? Alcohol really needs to be looked at as a key contributing factor to many of our social problems. Why do we see so many ads for alcohol and sell alcohol on every corner, in every grocery store and convenience store and criminalize other substances? It’s time for a change! Perhaps we can stop making one substance use disorder more socially acceptable than another and start to look at them all as substance use disorders, that are manageable and treatable with the right support and treatment.

As a person in long-term recovery I know that recovery is possible. According to SAMHSA, “of the 29 million adults with a substance use problem, 72.2% (20.9 million) considered themselves to be in recovery in 2023.” Based on this statistic, we know that people do recover. Yet, when it comes to drugs like alcohol, a majority are not even being referred to treatment. From 2015 to 2019, while 70% of people with AUD were asked by their primary care provider about their alcohol use, only 12% received any information on reducing their use and only 5% were referred to treatment.

How do we address this? People are being screened and asked about their substance use, but there is no follow up when a person does screen positive. Why? I believe that there continues to be this huge stigma, even amongst our medical providers. They are never really taught how to broach the subject of behavioral health. Therefore, when a person does screen positive for substance use disorder, the provider may not feel comfortable talking about this with the individual. This is where we need to implement more training for teachers, medical providers, law enforcement, court systems, child protective services, and all human service sectors. We really need to take the stigma out of and normalize the talk of substance use disorders.

In the process of creating this blog I spoke to an ex-co-worker and dear friend of mine, Chelsea Solberg. Chelsea is a former labor and delivery nurse, worked alongside me as a community nurse for the Meadowlark Initiative, and is in her final year of her Master of Social Work (MSW) degree. She shared some insight with me about tools that assess risky behaviors, not just frequency of using alcohol. What often happens is that a person may answer yes to using alcohol on a screener but is never followed up with about their consumption. Is their consumption possibly unhealthy or dependent? Chelsea says that appropriate screening and follow up “creates opportunities for early prevention and intervention.”

There are many ways that we can help to promote Treatment Month this January. Screening is a great tool, but it is nothing if we do not use it to open deeper conversations. We must normalize the hard conversation of substance use disorder and help to reduce internal and external stigma that people who have SUD, families and loved ones of people with SUD, and people working within the human service setting experience. We must stop comparing SUD disorders, making one more socially acceptable than the other and stop dehumanizing people that are struggling with substance use disorder. We are all just human beings looking for love, compassion and safety.

I will leave you with one of the last things that Chelsea said to me as we got off the phone, “Creating safe places creates a healing culture.”

A special thank you to my dear friend Chelsea Solberg for taking time out of her busy schedule of being a full-time wife and mother, full time student and completing her hours for her MSW with Child and Family Services yet finding time to talk on the phone with me.

References:

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2024). Drug Abuse Warning Network (DAWN): National Estimates from Drug-Related Emergency Department Visits, 2023. In dawn-national-estimates-2023.pdf (No. PEP24-07–033). SAMHSA. Retrieved December 23, 2024, from https://www.samhsa.gov/data/sites/default/files/reports/rpt53161/dawn-national-estimates-2023.pdf

The Pew Charitable Trusts. (2024, December 13). America’s most common drug problem? unhealthy alcohol use. America’s Most Common Drug Problem? Unhealthy Alcohol Use | The Pew Charitable Trusts. https://www.pewtrusts.org/en/research-and-analysis/fact-sheets/2024/12/americas-most-common-drug-problem-unhealthy-alcohol-use

https://www.samhsa.gov/data/report/2021-2022-2023-nsduh-infographic

by Ty LaFountain, Recovery Support Coordinator

December 9, 2024

The United States has the highest incarceration and recidivism rates in the world. Our criminal legal system often causes more harm than good. Yet, we continue to believe this is the best way to address crime in our country. Why do we do this? As a society we have never been shown any other way, so we don’t realize that there are other options aside from punitive measures, such as incarceration. Restorative Justice is just one of the many ways that we can work to better implement justice and to get rid of the inequities that exist within our criminal legal system. Restorative Justice is an Indigenous principal of holding people accountable for a harm they have caused by promoting healing and restoration for the entire community as a whole. When a harm is caused, there are more people affected than just the victim and the offender. Friends, family, neighbors, innocent bystanders, coworkers and whole communities may be affected by the harm caused.

One of the oldest documented cases of Restorative Justice is the “Crow Dog” case of 1883. In this case, a Sioux man by the name of Crow Dog shot and killed another member, Spotted Tail, of the same tribe on tribal land. Because this occurred on tribal land, between two tribal matters it was handled by tribal law. Tribes knew that no justice was served if individuals were sentenced to death for the death of another, there is no true restoration from this; the victims, in reality, get no healing from this sentence as well as the person sentenced to death neither learns nor repays anything. In this case the Tribal Court sentenced Crow Dog to pay $600, 8 horses, and a blanket to Spotted Tail’s family, which was in essence a form of sentencing Crow Dog to take care of Spotted Tails family since they had lost the main provider for their family. This was a high price in 1883 and was considered to promote more healing than the death penalty. The United States Courts feeling this sentence was not enough decided they too would try Crow Dog and if found guilty would be sentenced to hang. However, this case went to the Supreme Court and found that because this crime had been committed on tribal land between two tribal members, they had no jurisdiction. Crow Dog was sentenced by the tribal courts, where he paid the price of $600, 8 horses, and a blanket. However, this led to the passing of the Major Crimes Act of 1885, which allowed the federal government jurisdiction on tribal lands. This would change our legal system in the United States forever (Crow Dog Case (1883) | Tribal Governance).

In restorative practices, all agreeing parties affected by the harm have a meeting in what is called a “Healing Circle.” There is a neutral facilitator, and this circle is held in a neutral location. The parties come together and share their perspective sides of the story. Rules for the meeting are established by all parties, beforehand, to create a safe space for all. A talking piece is passed around, whoever is holding the talking piece is the person who talks, there is no interrupting the person with the talking piece and a person does not talk unless they have the piece. This gives each person the ability to share their side of the story without being interrupted. At the end of this meeting, the person who was harmed will make a list of things they need for the other person to do to restore healing in this case. The participating individual can either agree to these terms or not. If they do not, they will go through the ordinary court process. Also, if throughout the process they are not doing said agreed upon terms, they end up going through the original court process.

Typically, what comes out of these meetings is that people learn to understand what was going through the other person’s mind at the time of the incident. The person who was harmed often learns that the person causing the harm had no real intention of harming them specifically or had no intention of harming anyone in general. Most crimes committed are based on opportunity and necessity. The person causing the harm typically isn’t engaging their pre-frontal cortex to understand the consequences of what they are about to do. The person who has caused the harm now gets to hear how this harm has affected everyone involved. They hear firsthand how what they have done has caused another individual harm. This is shown to be more effective than sentencing someone to community service, probation, or incarceration where the person never truly grasps the exact harms, they have caused another individual. When a person is sentenced through our current criminal legal system, they often learn to resent the criminal legal system and learn how to not get caught next time.

95% of all cases in the criminal legal system end in a plea deal. These plea deals offer no healing or restoration for either the victim or the offender. Restorative justice is a victim centered approach that promotes healing for the entire community. Restorative justice has been shown to reduce recidivism rates up to 35-40%. With the highest incarceration and recidivism rates in the world it’s obvious the system we are currently using is not working and this has been the case for a long time. I believe it’s time to look to our ancestors to see what worked for them, as it may work again. The restorative practices of Indigenous peoples have been shown to be more affective and it’s time to reimplement these practices and end this era of mass incarceration and head into mass healing for all the United States.

by Ty LaFountain, Recovery Support Coordinator

December 3, 2024

We all know that the Holiday season can be one of the hardest and most vulnerable times for people in recovery. It may remind us of our pasts and how different our lives are today. I believe this is also a great opportunity to take the time to be grateful for the changes we have made and how different our lives are today. Holidays may hold negative experiences for some or remind us of better times. We may not be able to spend the Holidays with the people we yearn to spend them with and in some cases may have to spend them with people we don’t want to spend them with today. As people in recovery we have learned different ways of coping in different situations and  will share some of my tips and secrets for Holiday recovery.

My second Thanksgiving out of prison was when I was invited to a family member’s house. I was given a verbal travel permit by my Parole Officer to travel from Lewistown to Great Falls. When I showed up to my family’s house everyone was already about four or five drinks in, at about 1pm. I instantly knew this was going to be a common LaFountain holiday filled with alcohol and most likely some sort of drama. We made it through dinner, of course by this time everyone is starting to really feel the effects of the alcohol. The couple whose house we are at start to fight, and I mean fight. I looked at my phone and notice there is an AA meeting in about 15 minutes. I go to the meeting, get grounded and am feeling comfortable with going back to my family’s house. As I round the corner to their street, I notice flashing lights and about three cop cars on the two streets intersecting the house I am headed to. I instantly get nervous, and I just drive by without stopping, as I am really not wanting to have any interaction with law enforcement. First, I am a person with a felony on the violent offender registry. Second, as I have already mentioned, I am only on a verbal travel permit; meaning that I have no proof that I am even supposed to be out of Fergus County, let alone at a place where there is alcohol and people drinking and fighting. Last, I have never had a good experience with law enforcement.

I finally get up the courage to go see what is going on inside the house. All I know is that my family is in there, with I am not sure how many police and who knows what is happening. As the only sober person in the family, I may be able to be the peacekeeper here, a role I have never in my life had the opportunity to play. I knock on the door and walk in. I instantly see my one family member, hardly able to talk or stand up straight, telling the cops “This is my house!” They of course ask who I am, I tell them and ask what is going on. They tell me the wife called the cops and wanted the husband removed from the home; however, he has really done nothing wrong. From what they can tell, she may have hit him but have no proof of that either. So, in reality, there is no crime and all they can do is ask for him to go downstairs and her to stay upstairs. I am absolutely baffled at this point and say, “So all he needs to do is go downstairs? He’s not in trouble and isn’t under arrest or anything?” They respond “No, we are just asking him to go downstairs for the rest of the night and for her to leave.” Still in awe of this situation, I am able to talk him into going downstairs with me so the police can leave, she leaves for the night, situation handled. Except, now I am stuck in the basement of this house with an extremely intoxicated relative who insists on continuing to drink, asking me to take a shot with him every time he takes a one.

We make it through the night, I head back to Lewistown the next day, and this has been the last Holiday I have spent with family that was not at my own house. I learned a valuable lesson from this experience. That I must always guard the most valuable thing in my life today, my recovery. The following is a list of tips that I have learned from other people in recovery and tips that I have incorporated into my own life to safeguard my recovery, because chances are, no one else is going to do it for me. These tips are mainly relevant to people in recovery from substances but if adjusted may also apply to people with mental health conditions as well.

1. Know before you go: Know what you are headed into before you get there. Find out details of the event. Is there going to be alcohol? Will there be non-alcoholic drinks there? Are there going to be other people in recovery there? Do the people know that you are in recovery? These are some of the things that you should know before you go to any kind of family/friend holiday event. Alcohol tends to be a very common part of the Holidays, and for people who don’t have a problem with alcohol they often don’t understand what it is like for a person who has a substance use disorder. If you don’t feel comfortable don’t go!
2. Have an accountabilibuddy (accountability buddy): This is a person that you will help you be accountable and that supports your recovery. This may be a person in recovery or not. The only thing that matters is that they should be sober with you and should be willing to support your setting of boundaries and should be willing to stand up for you and to you if needed. There should be a general understanding set by the two, or more, of you as to what is expected throughout the night. Set these expectations before you get there, not after, and make sure they are agreed on by all parties involved. This may also be someone that you just call and check in with periodically throughout the night.
3. Take your own vehicle (if you have one): If you have your own vehicle, make sure that you take it to the event; this way if you start to feel uncomfortable at any point you can leave. Now, I know that not everyone has their own vehicle. Maybe have a ride set up, a person you came with (your accountabilibuddy) that you can tell you are feeling uncomfortable and need to leave. If this is unavailable, make sure that you have $20-$30 in your wallet or credit card to order a taxi or an Uber. If you need to save money prior to the event or borrow money from a family member or friend before you go, do it. Sometimes it is hard to ask for help, ego says I shouldn’t need to ask for help, but at this point, my recovery is the most important thing in my life, and I must act accordingly.
4. Always have a drink in your hand (non-alcoholic): One of the best tricks I have learned from other people in recovery is to always have a drink in my hand. Whether this is a coke, water, tea, Red Bull, or whatever you drink. It is also sometimes best if you have it in a red solo cup, so people don’t see you are drinking water, it just looks like you are drinking what everyone else is. I have learned that if you have a drink in your hand, people are less likely to ask if they can get you drink. And if they do, you can just say, “No thanks, I still have this one!” And that is usually the end of that conversation. No need to explain that you are in recovery and explain why you aren’t drinking alcohol (unless you choose to).
5. Practice saying no: One of the best ways to get in the habit of saying no is to practice. This is just like anything else in life, muscle memory. The more you say no the easier it gets. One of my favorite things to do with people is “role play.” It always sounds weird and feels weird at first, but I promise, it is helpful and proven to work. Have someone play the role of a family member or friend that may try to “peer” pressure you into having a drink. This role play should be more than one minute. The person playing the role really needs to push the boundaries. This is not just; you say no, and they say okay. This should be realistic, and the person should really pull out all the stops trying to pressure you into having a drink. Someone that is drinking alcohol is most likely not just going to stop after one no.
6. Surround yourself with people who truly care about your recovery: You may or may not know who these people are in your life yet. But you will figure it out and sometimes it takes a holiday event to find out. My experience showed me the people that I was around were people who didn’t care about my recovery, and I learned these are the people I choose not be around today. The people I surround myself with today, even if they aren’t in recovery, respect my recovery and ask me if I am comfortable if they drink around me or not. I have had people not drink at an event because they didn’t feel comfortable drinking around me. Not that I asked them not to drink, they just chose to not drink. These are the people that I surround myself with today. These are the same people that now know that I am at the point in my recovery that I am okay with people drinking around me, so they may drink around me, but they are not going to try to pressure me into drinking. These are the same people who saw me at my worst and see the person I am today and like the person I am today.

Whether you are new in recovery or a person in long-term recovery, I hope this is helpful for you. You may have your own tips and tricks that you use for maintaining your recovery through the holidays. These are just a few suggestions and tricks that I have found that work for me. It is important to find what works for you and put it into practice. The number one suggestion that I give to people and that I also use for myself is, if I don’t feel comfortable going into a situation that I feel may put my recovery at risk, I don’t go. Yes, it is true, there may be many holiday traditions that we used to take part in that we can no longer take part in as people in recovery; yet there is also an opportunity here to start new, healthier traditions. Have a Happy Holiday season and I look forward to seeing you all on the other side of the Holidays in recovery.

by Ty LaFountain, Recovery Support Coordinator

November 12, 2024

Today, before I act, I often ask myself what kind of role model do I want to be today? Six years ago, before I was in recovery, I never gave this much thought, or any thought really. I also didn’t realize the effect that my actions had on those around me, especially people like my nieces or nephews. I was about two years in recovery and was hanging out with my 12-year-old nephew, we were talking about life when he looked at me and said “Uncle Ty, do you remember when I wouldn’t share my taco with you one time, and you grabbed it and smashed it? You used to be mean!” I was absolutely blown away and devastated at the same time. I never realized the impact I had on him or the negative role model I was being. It was at that point in my life I decided from that point on I was going to be a positive role model for him and all the people around me.

Now, I wish I could say that I immediately became this great person that was this great role model, however, it typically doesn’t work like that. I had to make a conscious decision to work on and change some of my habits. This included the smallest details that turned out to make the biggest difference. From changing my language and the way that I talked to just putting away the shopping cart at the grocery store. I was told that changing these small things would carry over to every aspect of my life. I began to pray every morning, just for guidance to better be a humble servant. And my life began to change. Pretty soon I was not just taking the grocery cart back at the store but I found myself at my neighbors houses helping them with odds and end things. I found my attitude about life in general had changed. Rather than negativity at every corner, I began to see positivity at every corner. And I don’t mean that I turned into a person that just saw the positive in everything, because I went through some dark times and still do. But the way that I handled those situations began to change. My father passed away about 6 months ago, and I was able to be the strong person in that situation that people like my nephew and my little brother and sister could lean on. I was able to actually be there. Which, until 6 years ago, I had not.

In becoming this person that people can count on I have been able to repair many relationships that I had ruptured while I was struggling with my co-occurring disorders. I saw that moment, when my nephew felt comfortable enough to share that experience with me and how that felt for him, as a positive. I also saw that moment as an opportunity to show him that people can change and don’t have to be defined by their past. I have been able to model to him and to people across the country what recovery means to me. Which is a lifestyle, that is not something that I just do here or there, but is something I must practice in all my affairs, for if I don’t, I can be right back to where I was 6 years ago.

When I hear people tell me how proud they are of me, especially those who have seen me at my worst, and people tell me I am an inspiration, it feels amazing and lets me know that all my hard work is paying off. For, I am possibly giving hope to the hopeless. When I have peers that I have supported as a peer support specialist tell me they want to become peer support specialists, it tells me that I have done something right and modeled peer support and recovery in such a way that I am able to inspire others to do the same. These are the reasons that I do what I do! To inspire and instill hope in others and to plant seeds and watch them grow. It is this type of role model that I would like to be today! If you see someone modeling recovery today, tell them you are proud of them, for it may make their day and let’s them know you see them and the hard work they put in everyday!

What kind of role model do you want to be today?

by Ty LaFountain, Recovery Support Cordinator

October 8, 2024

In recognition of Train Your Brain Day on October 13^th, I would like to share one of my secrets that I keep in my toolbox and have incorporated them into my Wellness Recovery Action Plan as something that I must do on a daily basis. This is not something that I have made up or can claim any credit for, but merely a tool that was shown to me early in my recovery that I have continued to do for years.

As a person in long-term recovery from both mental health and substance use disorders(co-occurring), I definitely struggle with some of my thoughts, feelings and actions. Most of these are based on past experiences that I have had. Studies show that our past experiences in situations play a huge role in how we react in similar situations today. Things that have happened in our life create neuropathways; those neuropathways are created by what’s called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the brain’s capacity to continue growing and evolving in response to life experiences. Studies also show that neuroplasticity is at its highest at earlier stages of our lives. Meaning that our childhood experiences play a large role in how we will think, feel and act in certain situations as well as certain core beliefs we may develop. The more positive experiences throughout childhood the more positive ways we react in situations today and vise versa, the more negative childhood experiences we had the more negatively we respond in similar situations today.

Early childhood experiences like my mother having Multiple Sclerosis and being in a vegetative state after I was born and my father being mostly absent throughout my early childhood formed early childhood beliefs that I was unlovable and not good enough. As this continued throughout my life, as a negative core belief, every time something happened in my life to reaffirm these feelings of being unlovable and not good enough, the neuropathways got stronger. I like to think of neuropathways like a dirt road, the more you drive in the same spots, the deeper the ruts, the more pronounced the road becomes. The same with neuropathways, the more they are traveled on, or the more those pathways are activated, the more pronounced they become. So, every time I sat on my porch waiting for my father who never came, and the more I was not comforted in those situations the more it was embedded in my brain that I was unlovable and not good enough. The more this happened the more I believed this would happen in every situation, and I slowly withdrew from people and found my comfort in other things like substances.

Fast forward 20-30 years and look at how those experiences affect my thoughts, feelings and actions today. When I am scheduled to meet someone at a specific time and they are late, as I sit there and wait my brain automatically takes me to that place that I am unlovable and not good enough and this person is most likely not going to show up. The longer that time goes by, the more I subconsciously shutdown and am that kid sitting on the porch waiting for dad to show up, and although my neuroplasticity isn’t what it once was, that same pathway deepens just a little. If that person cancels or does not show, the neuropathway of being unlovable and not good enough gets a little bit deeper.

If this is the case and my feelings, thoughts and emotions are all guided by past experiences then what’s the point? Am I just doomed to this life of feeling unlovable and not good enough?

There is hope! That hope lies in the form of neuroplasticity. Although, not what it once was, we still have neuroplasticity, meaning our brains are still capable of growing and evolving based on life experiences. There are many different types of therapy and techniques that we can use today in order to start to rewire our brain to build new neuropathways. Some of those include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR). These therapy methods focus on taking our negative core beliefs, looking at them and how they were formed and using different techniques and tools to help change those to positive core beliefs that create positive outcomes and actions. Just as with our negative experiences, we must do this over and over, the more we drive down that same road, the deeper the ruts, the more pronounced that road becomes. Those ruts get so deep that soon, we don’t even need to hold the wheel, the car just follows the grooves on its own.

So, what are some tools that I use today? Every morning when I sit down to drink my coffee, I write down three things that I am grateful for today and three positive affirmations about myself. After I have written out my list, I say each one out loud to myself three times. “I am lovable, I am lovable, I am lovable.” This can sometimes be done in front of a mirror, which is thought to be more effective. This begins the process of creating new neuropathways of I am lovable and other positive beliefs to replace the negative beliefs I have been telling myself my entire life. There are different versions of this, I have heard of the 3x3x30. This method is the same concept only you are picking three affirmations that you will tell yourself three times a day for thirty days. After those thirty days you will change your 3x3x30. This is also something that I try to practice throughout the day. Anytime that I have a negative thought, I turn it into a positive, or I may say that thought out loud which takes the power out of it and then I replace it with a positive thought out loud. Notice how I said, I try!” I am not perfect at this, and it takes a lot of practice, time and grace. I did not build these negative thought patterns in one day and I will not change them in one day. I have to give myself grace.

This is just one of the many tools that I use today. It is the one that I do every day, and I believe has really changed my life. I can always tell if I miss a day or sometimes even a couple days. Once again, I am not perfect, I do miss days, sometimes consecutively. And I start to realize I am getting in a negative head space and not being grateful for my surroundings, I take an inventory of myself, and I promptly work to correct my behavior. Once again, this is merely a tool that works for me, that does not mean it works for everybody. Play with it, mold it to fit your life and your recovery. A couple of other tools that I use are ones I mentioned earlier; CBT, REBT, and I have recently started EMDR Therapy with my counselor. One of my favorite tools to use, not just for myself but the people that I am supporting, is SMART Recovery. SMART Recovery uses a mixture of CBT and REBT to help rewire the brain. Once again, there is no one pathway to recovery. If one doesn’t work for you, try something else. There are infinite pathways to recovery.